


Too Tense to Be Undone

by auroraphilealis (athousandrosepetals)



Series: Too Tense Series [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: 2009, Dirty Talk, Eventual Smut, Flirting, Friends With Benefits, Getting Together, Happy Ending, LMAO, M/M, Pining, Reality, Skype, but only sort of, i very much so enjoyed writing this fic and all of your feedback makes me insanely happy, idk what happened but chapter 4 and 5 are 15k too, listen i wrote 15k of pure smut for chapter 3, reality based, researched smut, thank you for working through this with me, very explicit smut, you're all welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-04-25 21:51:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 75,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14387844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/athousandrosepetals/pseuds/auroraphilealis
Summary: Dan’s never had an orgasm before. Despite being in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend for three years, he’s just never been able to finish. The doctor’s don’t know what’s wrong with him, so Dan’s mostly put it out of his mind. Until his gap year, when he starts talking with AmazingPhil, and accidentally admits that he’s never come before. Phil’s happy to help with more than just convincing Dan to post YouTube videos, if Dan will just give him the chance.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [imnotinclinedtomaturity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotinclinedtomaturity/gifts).



> Intense thank you to [@imnotinclindedtomaturity](http://imnotinclinedtomaturity.tumblr.com) who has spent the last week editing fics for me because apparently I’m on a roll. Also for spurring me on when I got this idea out of nowhere (I’ll be honest, I saw this really cute porn video on my dash and I couldn’t help myself. It was supposed to be PWP I don’t know what happened). Also thank you to my followers on [tumblr](http://auroraphilealis.tumblr.com) who kept encouraging me to go on while I screamed at them that the word length just kept growing. 
> 
> I’ll be posting every other day, so expect to hear back from me with chapter 2 on Monday :) I’m still writing chapter 4 so uh, extra encouragement would be… appreciated. 
> 
> Title from David Bowie’s song “Get Real”.

Dan wasn’t easy to please.

In fact, he was pretty sure that there was something wrong with him, because despite his young age when he and his girlfriend had first started hooking up, he’d never been able to come. Orgasms just didn’t happen for him. And soon after he’d get his girlfriend off, she’d moan about how it hurt for him to still be inside of her, and stare at his wet dick and frown at the very idea of sucking him off after he’d been inside of her.

It had sucked, to put it lightly.

Getting off seemed so distant, so unattainable, that Dan never _managed_. Everything, _everything_ , fell short. His hand, his girlfriend’s mouth, the wet heat of her body… it all felt _wonderful_. But it was never _enough._ He was always left high and dry, unable to come, and with a sick feeling in his stomach that just ended up making him give up.

Sex was nice, sure, what with the way it made his body feel, but there was never that big ending that Dan had heard so much about. He could work himself up into a frenzy, and even recognized the way his body would start to tense, as if it _wanted_ to finish. But nothing ever happened.

Instead, Dan was always left teetering on a precipice, balls drawn up to his body, tense and waiting, but nothing would happen. There was always a sensation of molten heat in his abdomen that drove him fuckin _g cra_ zy, but no matter how hard he chased his own high, or how fast he fucked his girlfriend, he never came.

So he gave it up for a lost cause, and mostly turned to sex for that flicker of pleasure, or the chance to be intimate with his girlfriend.

But then they broke up and Dan was left with… well, his hand. For a while, he tried. He tried it fast, he tried it slow, he tried fondling his balls while he stroked his cock, but it never _finished_

And there really was no starting point if it wouldn’t _end_.

So he stopped altogether. Sometimes, he’d wake up with a hard-on, and he’d rub it into the soft cotton of his duvet, but he never went further than the hazy sensation of drugged pleasure that came with it. Then, he usually took a shower and waited for his throbbing dick to calm down enough that it stopped pumping all of Dan’s blood supply _down_. It was never worth trying anything else.

So Dan was hard to please.

He was eighteen years old and had never experienced an orgasm, and he was fairly convinced he never would. He didn’t have erectile dysfunction; the doctors couldn’t figure out what was blocking his… _release_ , and he was perfectly comfortable in the understanding that he was _very much,_ bisexual thank you very much. So it wasn’t the fault of his ex-girlfriend that Dan hadn’t been able to come with her.

It was just. Well. Dan.

Unfortunately for him.

“It could just be a disorder,” the doctors had suggested after he turned 18 and they determined he’d matured enough that he, well, should have been able to finish. They’d thrown around a few names that Dan couldn’t remember if he tried, referring to situations where people couldn’t stop having orgasms, or were triggered by the simplest of things, in order to make Dan feel better about _his_ problem, but. Well. At least those people could. He would take those problems over his any day. Dan was angry at first, but then he.

Sort of accepted it.

There was nothing else to do for it except keep trying, but Dan wasn’t willing to put himself through the agony of getting so, so close but not quite reaching that high, so he hoped maybe a partner in the future could help. Assuming he could find someone willing to put up with it, at least. He was certain he wouldn’t mind continuing to just get his partner off, but he’d kind of like some kind of reciprocation. An attempt, at least. Maybe.

If he was lucky enough.

Dan was on his gap year, though, and he wasn’t particularly eager to date any of the guys or girls from his hometown. Dating apps were gross and mostly searched for singles nearby _anyway_ , not to mention the creepy married people looking for a discreet partner, so those were out too.

Dan tried not to think too much about his failed sex life, these days. Sometimes it just felt like a waste of time, when for all Dan knew, he was never reaching orgasm anyway. So he did his best to distract himself with other things, like watching youtube videos and working at the law firm his dad had gotten him a paid internship at.

It kind of sucked.

And was yet another reason Dan sometimes just didn’t bother thinking about sex. He had far more to worry about in his life than whether or not he was going to _fucking orgasm_ _ever_. He had a future to think about - regardless of whether he wanted to or not.

The main thing was, Dan really, really, _really_ didn’t want to be a lawyer, but he didn’t see any way out of it with his dad looming over him the way he did. One throwaway comment about going to school to be a lawyer, and now Dan seemed stuck in the decision.

God, sometimes he hated his dad.

There was one good thing in his life, though. .

AmazingPhil, Phil Lester of the youtube _kingdom_ , was kind of sort of Dan’s friend.

Well, more than kind of sort of.

They had each other’s phone numbers and their personal skype usernames, and Phil treated Dan like a he was actually his friend, and not just another fan. They spent hours talking to each other, joking and teasing over twitter and dailybooth, and dropping hints to the rest of the world that they maybe, sort of were into each other.

Which was, unfortunately, not true.

On Dan’s end at least.

He didn’t know about Phil’s end. They didn’t talk about it. They just flirted, and joked, and messed around. But mostly, they were just friends. Good friends. Best friends, even, if Dan had a say. Phil was the kind of person Dan could see himself knowing for the rest of his life, and the four year age gap didn’t even phase him.

In fact, it kind of excited him. Not that _that_ was a particularly useful emotion in Dan’s life. It wasn’t as if he could actually _do_ anything with the erections that he could get from just _looking_ at Phil’s face sometimes, let alone the dreams he had. And yet they happened anyway. It was sort of embarrassing, but he supposed it would have been even more so if Dan had actually _wanked off_ to the guy.

No. Instead, he didn’t wank off at all. He wasn’t really sure what was more embarrassing in the end.

Anyway, Dan more than _kind of_ wanted to get into Phil’s pants, but they’d never even met in real life, so he didn’t think that was exactly the most plausible possibility in the world. Besides, like he’d said, he really didn’t have any idea of Phil’s true feelings. The guy was a fucking enigma, insanely good at hiding his feelings, and yet managed to be true to himself all at the same time.

In fact, when Dan spoke with Phil, he often found himself forgetting that he was talking to AmazingPhil, because despite being a similar guy, the Phil Lester that Dan spoke to was far more toned down and _amazing_ than the persona he put on the for the camera (not that camera Phil wasn’t amazing too, just, in a different way. An impossible way).

Phil Lester was just kind of… Quirky. Crazy. Funny. Smart. And sexy. Sexy as all fucking hell.

Basically, he was the perfect package, and if Dan lived any closer, he probably would have jumped him the first time he’d seen him (okay, maybe like, the second, but the point remained). Being his friend was good too. Dan enjoyed that. He enjoyed having someone listen to him wallow while being happy to talk to him about his passions, _including_ youtube and Dan’s very persistent desire to become a youtuber himself.

It was just nice. It was nice to have a friend like this. It was nice to know someone who was happy to help him, and didn’t make Dan feel like he was being a burden. And it was nice to have someone to combat the negative voice of Dan’s dad in his head.

It would be even nicer to put Phil’s focus to another task, but…

Dan shook his head. He couldn’t keep thinking about things like that. It got him… _physically_ interested, and then it usually took like a good fifteen minutes (or longer, depending just how _interested_ he got) to make his boner calm down. Besides, he was on a skype call with Phil, and he’d much rather focus on the sound of his best friend’s voice than on the pressing feeling between his legs.

“So I’ve been thinking,” Phil said, “You know, about you posting youtube videos?”

Dan mumbled something that sounded vaguely like an affirmative, because for all of his bravado, he really wasn’t all that confident. In fact, Dan could be pretty insecure at times, and when it came to youtube, he was… well, at his lowest point.

Or, he had been.

Phil had definitely helped him work out of that hole, at least a little bit. Dan had filmed a couple videos already, and he had footage that Phil thought was hilarious, but, well, he hadn’t exactly edited it together _or_ bothered making an introduction video.

“Don’t get too excited, Dan, we’re only talking about you becoming internet famous over here,” Phil teased.

“Shut up!” Dan snorted. He gave Phil his best unamused look, but he couldn’t help bursting into a fond smile at the way Phil looked back at him. It wasn’t all about Phil’s sex appeal, okay, Dan had a massive crush on the guy too. He was sweet, and he had this way of looking at Dan that made Dan feel like he was on top of the fucking world. “What have you been thinking, then?” Dan asked, because it didn’t seem like Phil was going to continue unless Dan actively chose to take part in this conversation.

“Oh, you know,” Phil hummed, “I was thinking maybe you could film an intro this weekend? Maybe that’ll encourage you to actually start editing your other videos, so you can get them up.”

The words made Dan shrink back a little. Youtube was like, a thing he really wanted and he talked about it with Phil because he knew that Phil would take him more seriously than his parents or his other friends, but, well. Actually _posting_ a video and just _talking_ about it were two very different things.

Filming an introduction to his channel meant this whole thing was real, and once Dan had put his face out there, he was terrified to give it up as a failure. He didn’t need everyone he knew telling him they were right.

“Yeah,” Dan said, noncommittedly.

Phil instantly frowned.

“I really don’t understand what you’re so afraid of. You’re really attractive _and_ funny. That’s like, the perfect package for youtube,” Phil explained. “Besides, you’ve shown me your skits! They’re really good, and you look fucking edible in them, if you know what I mean,” Phil added with a wink.

The expression was a little awkward. Phil had trouble blinking _one eye_ and not two, but it still sent a chill up Dan’s spine - and a surge of blood down to his groin. Never let it be said that he did not have the body of an 18 year old, because he sure as hell did. He got hard just as easy and just as often as anyone else he knew, he just… couldn’t do anything about it, that’s all.

The idea of Phil finding him edible was mouth watering, though.

Dan’s cheeks coloured red.

“Stop,” he moaned, “you’re flattering me!” With a dramatic hand to his head, Dan pretended to fall backwards in a swoon, which successfully broke the tension between him and Phil. They laughed and the world felt normal again - except for Dan’s dick, because that sure as hell hadn’t gotten the memo to calm the _fuck_ down.

“No, but seriously, Dan,” Phil said again, “What’s up with you? I really think you should do it. If _I_ was able to get popular on this platform, I don’t see why you can’t.”

“Yeah, but you’re like. _Phil_. You’re this super tall, sexy guy with dreamy blue eyes and a good sense of humor. Have you seen yourself in the toxic video? You can’t tell me you weren’t trying to be provocative. How many girls wanted to fuck you after that, hmm? I could never be as good as you.”

Dan didn’t intend to go down the self-deprecating route, but it was kind of his signature thing to do.

Thankfully, Phil wasn’t one to put up with it.

“I might have gotten a few offers. The only ones I took even half seriously were the guys, though,” Phil said, offering Dan another awkward double wink. “But no, really, Dan. Have you looked in a mirror? If you think _I’m_ sexy, I don’t know what to say to you. The amount of followers you have on dailybooth from your nakedbooths alone could far outshine mine if you let it build up long enough.”

The words sent another little zing through Dan. If he was being honest, he knew he was attractive. He’d been a ladies man in secondary school, and even though his last relationship had survived the last three years of school, he’d still known he was well attractive. It was just… Phil was so many leagues ahead of Dan already that it didn’t feel comparable.

Rather than letting Phil dominate the conversation any longer, Dan smirked at his friend.

“Been having a look at my nakedbooths, hmm?”

“You know I have been. How I am I supposed to resist?”

And here came the part of the night that Dan always particularly enjoyed: the cocky flirting. The cocky flirting that Dan was never sure whether it was real or not. Phil always got this intense expression on his face, like he knew he could get anyone that he wanted. He was so confident that it put Dan to shame, and Dan had always thought he was a pretty confident guy. Phil, though - Phil was not afraid to show himself off, and to make it _very_ clear what he wanted.

Phil was no virgin, that much Dan knew. In fact, Phil had admitted that at one point in his life, he’d been a little bit of a slut. He’d learned a lot during his masters program. And it wasn’t all academic.

“How many times have you jacked off to my pictures?” Dan teased.

Phil didn’t back down, not even for a second.

“Too many times to count. My favorite is how innocent you look with all those stuffed animals posed around your body. Don’t leave much to the imagination, do you?”

Dan laughed, his voice husky, and his cock suddenly _very_ interested in the topic of their conversation.

Dan was mostly just glad he’d managed to divert Phil’s attention away from Dan posting his first video.

“I like to let people know what they’d be waking up next too.”

Phil’s eyes, impossibly, grew darker.

“Oh yeah? Is that why you hide the part we all want to see the most? To make sure we take you to bed?”

“Maybe,” Dan teased.

“God, I bet you look beautiful when you’re worked up,” Phil whispered. His voice had gone all deep, and it made Dan’s mouth feel insanely dry.

Was it getting hot in here? Maybe. Dan should open a window. He didn’t want to move from his bed.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“I would,” Phil returned, eyes glittering. His mouth tilted up into his trademark smirk that always made Dan wonder if he was just another game to Phil. “I’d love to get you under me, see how you fall apart. I bet you look amazing when you come.”

The words made Dan’s eyes close, made him feel wistful, lusting for something he knew he couldn’t achieve. It caused his hands to twitch at his sides, itching to relieve some of the tension of his cock. His laptop was thankfully perched on top of his crotch, so Phil could have no idea what kind of effect he was having on Dan, but Dan wanted nothing more than to move it so he could get a hand on his dick.

Not that it would do anything. But still. Phil’s words made him feel so fucking good…

To be taken care of, by anyone, for however long they were willing. God, that was the dream.

“Do you, Dan?” Phil asked, pulling Dan from his thoughts.

His eyes popped open, and he stared quizzically at Phil.

“Do I what?”

“Look hot as fuck when you come.”

The question knocked the breath out of Dan, because he didn’t _know_. But the way the words curled off of Phil’s tongue made him desperate for the answer. He wanted to fall apart under Phil’s talented hands, and finally know what he was like when he finished. He’d never fucked another man, but he’d _love_ to, he’d love to find out how different it was than being with a girl, and to see if he liked having a cock in his ass. He had a feeling he would.

What would it be like to get fucked? Dan was just horny enough to want to know.

His cheeks went dark red as he contemplated how to answer the question.

Finally, he went with the truth.

“I don’t know.”

Phil seemed to misunderstand what Dan meant, though. His smirk only seemed to grow, and he looked at Dan like he wanted to eat him.

“How would you like to find out?”

Dan had to bite his tongue to prevent himself from making a noise, but he let his hips roll a little, adjusting to the new pressure in his pajama pants. This wasn’t territory Dan was exactly… comfortable with.

It felt like lying, to go along with this, and pretend his issue with never _finishing_ didn’t exist. But he wanted to. God, did he want to.

“Uhm, I don’t know,” Dan whispered.

“I could show you, if you wanted. Get you off over skype, talk you off the edge, and record it all for you,” Phil continued, voice low and rough. The words washed over Dan, and it all sounded so _good_ , except -

Except -

“I’ve never had an orgasm,” Dan blurted out. His face, already impossibly red, seemed to grow redder.

On the other side of Dan’s screen, Phil’s eyes had gone wide. In fact, Phil’s entire posture had changed. He’d gone from complete and utter confidence to outright confusion, shifting backwards so he wasn’t quite so close to his own camera, and staring at Dan as if he’d grown two heads.

“You’ve never had an orgasm?”

Dan laughed nervously. “No, I haven’t.”

Phil didn’t seem to know what else to say. He was so taken aback that Dan thought he might actually be uncomfortable with the whole situation. Dan’s own mind was whirling. He couldn’t believe that he’d even said that to Phil, let alone that Phil had offered to get him _off over skype_ before he’d said it. They’d flirted hardcore before, and Dan had joked about his nakedbooths plenty of times, but they’d never stepped into this realm before.

Phil asked Dan provocative questions, but Dan always brushed them off.

Until today.

Eventually, Phil managed to pull himself back together. His eyes softened, and his shoulders relaxed as he offered Dan a sympathetic look.

Dan didn’t want pity. He found himself shrinking back.

“I thought you had a girlfriend for three years? Are you not… I mean. Are you still a virgin?” Phil asked, words completely matter of fact. “I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable Dan. I didn’t even think, I just assumed that -”

“I’m not a virgin,” Dan muttered, cutting Phil off before he could bury them both into an even deeper hole. “I’ve had sex before. Plenty. With my ex-girlfriend. I’ve just... never had an orgasm,” he admitted.

Phil didn’t seem to know what to say to that, either. Dan was starting to get used to that. He hadn’t told very many people that he couldn’t orgasm, but they all seemed to react in the exact same way.

Speechlessness.

Dan sighed, and reached up to card a hand through his hair. He pushed his fringe back, and then immediately fumbled to brush it back into place, already self-conscious enough without his hair being a mess.

Finally, Phil spoke again.

“Are you… do you just not… do you have erectile dysfunction or something?”

“Phil!” Dan reprimanded. “I don’t have erectile dysfunction. I’m not 80! What the fuck!?”

“I’m sorry! I just don’t understand! How have you had sex before and not…”

“I don’t know,” Dan finally admitted, defeated. “The doctor’s don’t either. I’m perfectly healthy, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with me, and I can get hard as easily as anyone else. I just. Can’t finish,” Dan finished lamely.

It was an embarrassing thing to talk about, especially to someone Dan was kind of, sort of, _incredibly_ interested in. Besides, Dan still didn’t know if Phil was into him or not. They’d gone way past the normal boundaries tonight, but for all Dan knew, Phil just wanted to fuck him. Not be in a relationship with him.

Dan desperately wanted more. He’d never been a one night stand kind of guy. He might be a flirt, sure. But he was possessive as all hell and got jealous easily. Dan didn’t share well. At the end of the day, he was committed, and he always expected his partner to be committed as well.

That was part of why Dan and his ex-girlfriend had broken it off. She’d found someone else, and, well. Dan couldn’t really blame her.

She’d found it upsetting that Dan couldn’t finish with her, despite the fact that she so rarely tried to help him actually do so.

So Dan was a _little_ bitter towards his ex. So what. He was allowed to be. She’d technically cheated on him, after all.

Phil, for his part, seemed a little lost for words. Dan stared at him, terrified of how he was going to react. “Oh,” Phil finally replied. “I mean. Have you tried?”

“What the fuck, Phil?” Dan snapped. “What kind of a question is that!? Of course I’ve tried!” he complained. “I know how to jack off, asshat. I just can’t get anywhere with it.”

Dan was borderline fuming now. Phil was looking at Dan like he was a science experiment, and it was pissing him off. First, his girlfriend had left him because he couldn’t orgasm, and now his best friend was acting like Dan simply hadn’t put in enough effort or something.

“Well,” Phil said, after another moment of peering at Dan. He leaned in slowly to his webcam, and suddenly that same dark, sexy look was back on his face. “Maybe you just haven’t tried hard enough.”

“Fuck you!” Dan snarled, “Who are you to say I haven’t -”

“Dan,” Phil said, effectively cutting him off. Dan’s chest was too tight for this. He could feel himself heaving, and it wasn’t from arousal anymore. It was _anger_.

Phil didn’t seem to understand just how livid he’d made Dan. He just continued to smirk at Dan with that same look on his face that he’d had when he’d suggested filming Dan pleasuring himself.

“Maybe I phrased that wrong. I think, maybe, you just haven’t had the right _attention_ paid to you. I’m sure you could orgasm, given the right partner,” he purred.

Dan was speechless. He could still feel his body thrumming with furious energy, and he still kind of wanted to tell Phil off for presuming to know Dan’s body better than he knew his own, but. Well. He hadn’t quite been expecting Phil to say that.

Dan licked his lips. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Phil said, that same intense look on his face. “That I think I might be able to help you with your little problem.”

Dan’s cheeks were flushed red again. Despite the outrage he could still feel simmering under the surface, his dick was perking back up. That should have annoyed Dan, but Phil looked so sexy that he was used to it by now. He’d just have to will it away later…

“Look, Dan. You’re hot, and I am very much so attracted to you,” Phil explained, “And if you seem to have a bit of trouble finishing, I can promise you that I wouldn’t give up after just one try. In fact, I don’t think I could ever stop pleasuring you, given the chance,” he added, practically purring once again.

His eyes were so dark that Dan was dizzy with it, and his voice a perfect balance between gravelly and in control, so that Phil sounded like the goddamn sex god that he undoubtedly was. Dan couldn’t deny that he was curious

“Phil…” he whispered.

“Dan. I want you. And if you’ll give me the chance, I think I can guarantee you an orgasm. You were talking about coming to meet me, so how about in two weeks. My parents will be away, and you and I… we can work on your little problem together.”

Dan’s mouth was like a fucking desert. Everything Phil was offering sounded so fucking good, but -

But Dan wanted more than just a one night stand.

He was paralyzed with indecision as Phil drew back from his webcam. The smirk didn’t leave Phil’s face, but he did look a little flushed, and possibly a little turned on.

Dan didn’t know how to answer.

“Think about it. And Dan,” Phil added, “I hope you’ll post that intro video soon. I’d hate to have you star in a collab with me only to have no channel to direct your new followers to.”

And with that, Phil winked, waved goodbye to Dan, and hung up their skype call.

That little shit.

Dan was left staring at a white screen with a few links and hasty conversations in his and Phil’s chat, and nothing else.

His heart was racing with a combination of anger and arousal. Dan didn’t know which to focus on. He was too busy fumbling with the offer Phil had just given him.

Phil’s parents were going out of town, and he was inviting _Dan_ to come over. There was no way he could have been joking about fucking Dan if he’d planned it so they’d be home all alone. And on top of that, Phil had mentioned a _collab_. Fuck. Dan’s head was spinning.

Had all of this really happened?

He didn’t know, but he wanted to find out.

Besides, with a promise like that, how could Dan refuse?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Intense thank you to [@imnotinclindedtomaturity](http://imnotinclinedtomaturity.tumblr.com) again because she’s amazing and makes me a better writer I love her. Also thanks to everyone who commented and sent me nice asks! I’m so excited about this fic it’s all I’ve been thinking about for days. Finals whom? Anyway, I’m building you up to some… more fun coming soon. I’ll see Thursday ;)

“Phil, did you see?” Dan asked the moment that Phil had answered his skype call. “I’ve actually got like, subscribers. Already!” Dan crowed. He was just so freaking excited. When he’d posted his first video that morning, he hadn’t actually thought that anyone would start following him right away, but he already had a dozen or so email notifications of new people following his youtube channel. Some of them said two or three people had subscribed, while others said _10._

He still couldn’t quite believe it. He’d been waiting all day for Phil to get back from filming with Charlie and Stephen so he could celebrate with him.

“Yeah, I did,” Phil replied, chuckling. “I sort of re-tweeted you, remember?”

Dan rolled his eyes, but he didn't let Phil’s teasing get him down. He could feel himself practically bouncing on the bed in his excitement to share the news. “I can’t believe they actually want to see me make videos. I’ve already got like, a dozen comments, too! Did you see?”

Phil was staring at a blue mug he was awkwardly holding, with his fingers practically backwards on the handle. His gaze was weirdly perturbed, before he took a sip, and offered Dan a sort of chuckle. The fact that Phil was paying his mug of coffee so much attention was really annoying Dan. He knew he could be clingy, but a cup of _coffee_ , over Dan talking - especially about YouTube, which Phil had pushed him into in the first place?

“Phil!” Dan whined, as he was want to do. “Pay attention to me. I’m really excited! It’s not my fault you’re used to having 20 thousand subscribers already. Let me get excited about my 53!”

Rolling his eyes, Phil finally turned his full attention onto Dan. Those blue eyes were so much more intense these days than Dan was used to.

Ever since their conversation about Dan being unable to orgasm, Phil had looked far more ardent than he used to, blue eyes fiery with a feeling Dan couldn’t quite place. It was almost as if Phil was hyper-aware of Dan all the time, now, and sometimes he looked like he wanted to reach through the screen and fuck him. Hard.

Just the thought made Dan shiver with want.

“I told you they were going to like you, Dan,” Phil teased. “I don’t know why you’re so surprised. You're funny, _and_ cute.”

Again with the flirting. Dan wasn’t sure how much more of it he could take. It was bad enough he’d only recently booked his train ticket to Manchester Piccadilly, much to the complaint of his parents, _particularly_ his father. But now, he still had to wait another eight days to actually meet Phil in person. And plus there was the fact that he was only going to get _three_ days with the guy. Did Phil have to make every skype call difficult too?

Shrugging Phil’s words away, Dan shook his head. “Whatever. Which video do you think I should upload next? Butterfingers, or Procrastination?”

“Butterfingers, definitely. I think more people can relate,” Phil suggested quickly. His eyes were twinkling. “Besides, you get practically naked in Butterfingers.”

Dan could feel his blood freeze. He remembered exactly what Phil was talking about. He’d filmed a scene of himself waking up in the morning to check how his channel was doing, and he’d bit his lip with his eyes half closed in the perfect shot. Even he’d thought he’d looked pretty provocative, but for Phil to bring it up was. Something else.

“Oh my _god_ , Phil, shut up!” Dan complained. “Quit thinking with your dick, I’m _serious_. I want people to like me! And my content!”

His cheeks were bright red, he was sure, but he couldn’t help it. Phil was just such a fucking flirt, and everything he said had so much more meaning now, considering their plans for when Dan came to visit him. They hadn’t spoken about it much since Dan had texted Phil that he’d bought a train ticket, and Phil had called him on skype to celebrate.

There had been some blushing from Dan, a question from Phil if Dan was still up for it, and that had been it.

Phil had intensified the flirting, though. Before, he usually stopped on the cusp of making it real, but recently, he’d been pushing the limits as much as he could get away with, making it _very_ clear what he was interested in.

It made Dan feel _wanted_.

It wasn’t as if he’d never felt that way before, but the way that _Phil_ looked at him, the way that _Phil_ spoke to him, made Dan feel like he was only person in the entire world that Phil desired.

Unaware, or simply ignoring, Dan’s embarrassment, Phil pressed on. “I know, but seriously, Dan. How do you do that with your face? You’re fucking hot. I’ve watched that part of the videos you uploaded far too many times to count,” Phil added.

Dan didn’t know what to say to that. He knew, he _knew_ Phil had seen his unedited footage more than once, because he’d been forced to upload privately to youtube just to share it with Phil, and the view count was… well, uhm. Not 1, to put it lightly. It was just that, well, he hadn’t expected Phil to _bring it up_. Seriously, what had Phil done, jerked off to the clips?

Dan felt heat rush to his cheeks, making his blush even darker, and he tried not to think too hard about _that_ possibility.

Phil seemed to decide he’d pushed Dan far enough, then, because he relented, putting his mug down and waving his hand at Dan a little. The stupid little smirk he always had these days fell away to reveal a more sympathetic expression as Phil peered at Dan.

“You’re such a dork, Dan,” Phil said. “I don’t know why you’re so worried. I don’t understand how you can’t see yourself the way I see you.”

This was one of those comments that made Dan wonder if Phil was interested in him for reasons other that _just_ sex. Despite all of their flirting, they hadn’t ever actually talked about any potential feelings. In fact, they rarely even talked about the sex thing in any seriousness. But that didn’t change the reality that Dan was falling more and more in love with Phil. He’d always been one to crush easily, and Phil was definitely not an exception to this. If anything, he’d found himself crushing harder and faster on Phil than he’d ever crushed on anyone before - and that included his ex girlfriend. Dan was seriously starting to question how serious his feelings had really been for her if Phil could make him feel like… _this_.

Maybe Dan just fell too fast. Maybe he was already in love with Phil, and was a complete and utter goner. All he could do was hope that he didn’t end up getting crushed just as quickly.

“And how do you see me?” Dan asked, testing the boundaries a little. He might also be fishing for compliments, but. Well. Sue him.

Phil never seemed to have a problem doling them out, after all.

Phil smiled. He didn’t seem at all perturbed by Dan asking. In fact, he almost seemed to see right through Dan, but at the same time, didn’t seem to _mind_.

“I see you as a guy who has no idea just how talented and funny he actually is.”

Phil’s smile turned into more of a smirk, his eyebrows raising and his voice dropping.

“And as a guy I’d really like to fuck.”

“Phil!” Dan shouted, bursting into laughter at the way Phil tried to wink seductively afterwards, failing as he did that awkward double blink again. “Fuck off! You can’t just _say_ things like that!”

“Why not? It’s true.”

“P _hiiiiil!”_ Dan whined. He wouldn’t deny that he was laughing (and maybe a little turned on, but who was counting), but that didn’t mean he couldn’t tell Phil off. Phil was laughing too, though, his expression a weird cross between a goose and a cat who’d caught the canary. Dan was completely and utterly enamoured with the look.

He found himself laughing even harder because of it, a weird, giddy sense of affection surging through him to combat the faux annoyance he had at Phil for flirting with him. Dan never wanted this feeling to end. The way Phil made him feel was… unlike Dan had ever felt before.

Phil’s eyes were dancing, and Dan found himself continuing to fall harder and harder. He wanted nothing more than to believe that Phil wanted just as much from Dan as Dan wanted from Phil, but it was difficult to believe - as far as Dan could tell, Phil hadn’t said anything to suggest that he had deeper feelings for Dan.

He just said shit like this, and expected Dan to read between the lines, or something.

Dan didn’t like reading between the lines. There was too much room for misinterpreting things. Too much room for building his hopes up, only to have them torn down. Too much room for getting hurt.

But for Phil, he’d try his best to figure it out.

Once they’d calmed down, Dan reached up to wipe away the tears that had gathered at the corners of his eyes, and smiled widely at Phil.

“You’re such a dork,” he complained.

Phil offered him a shrug in return. “No, but really. You really are really funny, Dan. You’re quick-witted, and you don’t even have to script yourself to make a funny video. Most of your best lines come from improv, and that’s a really good skill to have for YouTube. I think you’ll be really big one day.”

The words were far more thoughtful than the previous ones, and they made Dan smile, this one a little smaller, a little more private, as he looked down at his keyboard. He still couldn’t believe Phil Lester was his friend, let alone someone he could now consider a co-worker, in one way or another. And to add to that, Phil thought Dan was pretty great. In whatever sense.

It made Dan feel warm all the way down to his core.

“Thanks,” he finally replied, because he felt like Phil deserved some kind of appreciation for his kind words. He didn’t have to say them, and yet he had. That meant a lot to Dan, and suddenly, all of the success of today didn’t even come close to the feeling Phil’s compliments gave him.

Clearing his throat to get rid of the emotion that suddenly seemed to be clogged there, Dan decided to change the subject. “So, how did filming go today?”

Phil perked up a bit at the mention, before his expression turned a little sour. The conflicting emotions confused Dan, who just kind of waited nervously for Phil to explain.

“It was okay. Charlie was late, but Stephen and I got some stuff done for ApartmentRed before he showed up. After... was not so good. I’m only just now getting in because Charlie seems to think it’ll make me jealous to see him hanging all over Stephen, and it made getting any filming done take _ages_ , when we should have been done in a couple of hours.”

Dan didn’t know very much about Charlie and Phil’s history, but he did know that Charlie had once been publicly and fowardly interested in Phil. As far as Dan _knew_ , they’d never fucked, but that hadn’t stopped Charlie from wanting to get into Phil’s pants.

Phil had said that at one point, he’d thought it was kind of nice, and he’d _considered_ it, but. It had just never happened. Dan wanted to believe that, he really did, but. Well. Phil talked so much about hooking up with people that Dan worried sometimes Phil was just trying to protect him by pretending he wasn’t as… sexually experienced as he’d originally painted himself out to be.

Dan tugged his lip between his teeth, gnawing at it nervously. He couldn’t help wondering why Phil’s mood had turned sour. Was it because of Charlie dating Stephen? Was he _actually_ jealous? Or was he just annoyed that Charlie had ruined their filming schedule?

Dan was kind of afraid to ask.

But Dan knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he didn’t know.

Dan was jealous and possessive, even a little bit mean when it came to those darker emotions. He couldn’t always seem to hold himself back from making it very, very clear that he didn’t like the idea of _his_ person being someone else’s. Or even someone else _wanting_ his person.

And for right now, Phil was kind of sort of Dan’s person. At least to the hopeful part of his mind.

“Hmm,” Dan responded, so that Phil wouldn’t feel ignored, but so that Dan wouldn’t say what he actually wanted to say.

“Yeah. I think Stephen could tell I was starting to get annoyed, because he made Charlie knock it off a few times so we could finish up. Charlie didn’t really take the hint though. A couple of times I had to tell them to stop being an ass before I clubbed one of them over the head, just to get this all over with.”

“Yeah…” Dan replied noncommittally, glancing down at his keyboard again rather than facing up to Phil. He didn’t _really_ want to have to deal with confronting this one, but he _really_ wanted to at at the same time.

“Mmhm. I gotta admit. Stephen and Charlie make a cute couple, though. They’re both pretty hot,” Phil mused, seeming all to unaware of how uncomfortable he was currently making Dan.

Dan didn’t even bother to answer that one. He stared studiously at his keyboard and prayed that Phil wouldn’t notice his reluctance to talk about this. He just wanted to brush past this topic and try not to dwell on the unwarranted jealousy that was building up in his stomach. His face scrunched up in distaste, something he did his best to hide from Phil.

Phil, however, seemed to see straight through Dan, and the sour expression Phil had adopted turned to one a little more mischievous.

“What? Is something bothering you, Dan?” Phil asked. “Are you maybe… jealous?”

Dan felt his face start to go red.

“N-No!” he replied right away. He sputtered on the word a little, and shook his head. “Of course not. Why would I be jealous? I have nothing to be jealous of.”

Phil’s grin didn’t leave his face.

“No? So you aren’t jealous of Charlie at all, then? Because I’ve got to admit, he is pretty fit. I wouldn’t mind seeing him undressed.”

Dan could feel his blood beginning to boil. He didn’t like the way Phil was looking at him, let alone the way he was talking about Charlie. He knew that Phil had, at least at one point, looked at Charlie as a potential partner, but to talk about Charlie like that to _him?_ It felt a little like… a slap to the face.

“Doesn’t he have a boyfriend now?” Dan spat, because he couldn’t help himself. He just really didn’t want to hear Phil talking about anyone else the way he talked about Dan. It was bad enough that Dan didn’t know if Phil had any proper feelings for him, did Phil really need to rub it in his face, too?

It seemed like every time Dan starting to have faith that Phil might have any kind of feelings for him, Phil would say something like that and just… make Dan question everything all over again.

Maybe he shouldn’t have ever agreed to let Phil fuck him. No matter how badly Dan wanted to know what an orgasm felt like, he sure as hell didn’t need to deal with someone who didn’t actually want Dan as anything more than a plaything. He still had time to back out. Maybe he should consider canceling his train ticket, and ending his friendship with Phil altogether, before it was too late…

“Dan,” Phil called, his voice a little softer now. He didn’t sound so cocky and teasing anymore. He sounded sincere, so Dan risked looking up at him. Phil was still sort of smirking, but the expression was softer now. He didn’t look so malicious. “I’m sorry,” he added. “I didn’t mean to make you angry. I’m just surprised you’re jealous of Charlie. You know I was never with him like that.”

Dan kind of nodded his head. Sort of. His mouth was still set in a firm line, and he still felt kind of mad, but Phil was right. And he’d apologized, so there was that.

“Whatever,” Dan moodily shot back, but Phil didn’t seem to be having it. He dragged his laptop closer to him, so that all Dan could really see was Phil’s face and those gorgeous blue eyes. It was kind of mesmerizing, if Dan was being honest.

“Dan,” Phil said again, “Come on. I’m really sorry. I really don’t see Charlie like that. And besides, there’s someone I’d much rather have right here in front of me. Charlie didn’t make me jealous, he just made me annoyed. You, on the other hand…”

Dan gulped. He what? What was Phil getting at? What did Dan do to him? Part of him knew Phil was talking about wanting Dan physically, but the other part was hoping, _begging_ , for Phil to say it was _more_.

“Do you remember the promise I made to you on skype the other day?” Phil practically purred.

Dan nodded his head dumbly.

“I’ve been doing a bit of research. I’ve had a lot of sex, but I’ve not experimented with that many things, and I’m not all that sure how to extend the foreplay. I’ve got a feeling you’re going to need a lot more than my cock in your ass,” Phil explained.

Dan’s breath caught in his throat. The very idea of that made Dan’s dick stir with interest. He wanted that. He wanted that _a lot_. Since the last time he’d talked to Phil about the two of them having _sex_ , Dan had done a little bit of research himself, and he’d watched a few porn videos about that exact scenario. The way the bottom moaned had made the situation seem… electrifying.

Of course, Dan had gotten hard, and of course, he’d tried to get himself off, but nothing had really come of it. Eventually, he’d resigned himself to his fate, closed his browser, and took a cold shower.

The fact that Phil had done _research_ for him though… and the fact that Phil was willing to try that _and so much more..._ That was not only an exciting thought, but set off a warm feeling in the pit of Dan’s stomach. All he’d ever really wanted was to find someone who didn’t _mind_ that Dan had a problem finishing. All he’d ever really wanted was to find someone who’d _try anyway_.

“I’ve got so many plans for you, Dan. Things I’ve never done with anyone else. Do you want to hear them?”

Phil’s voice was practically molten heat. Dan felt like he was going to explode.

He’d never gotten _this_ hard _this_ fast before. There was that familiar sensation of frustration at Phil teasing him all the damn time and arousal surging through his veins that he always seemed to get with Phil these days, but it only made the whole moment more intense.

Did Dan want to hear what Phil had planned for him? Eight days out from actually getting to experience it? Was having Phil fuck him even a good idea, in the long run?

Dan knew he should lay his cards out on the table, make it clear to Phil that what he wanted was so much more than an orgasm. He knew that he should make sure that Phil wasn’t going to leave him high and dry after he got one little taste, or get Dan addicted so he’d keep coming back for more until he and Phil were in a proper friends with benefits relationship without all the feelings Dan so desperately wanted.

He knew that he should admit he had _feelings_ , and that he was _all in_ , but it was so fucking hard when his dick was doing all of the thinking for him.

So, against his better judgement, Dan nodded his head.

Phil’s grin turned wicked.

“Are your nipples sensitive, Dan?” Phil asked, eyes glowing. He looked like a lion intent on his prey, and Dan couldn’t wait to be gobbled up. He was so distracted by the look Phil was giving him, that he couldn’t even began to focus on the question. What had Phil asked?

Oh. _Oh_.

“Fuck. Yes,” Dan whispered. The words came out far breathier than he’d intended for them too, and he added quickly, “And my neck. _God_ , my neck.”

He could already imagine Phil getting his mouth on him, sucking at his nipples and leaving marks on his neck. The very idea made Dan’s body tingle, and he had to close his eyes when he let out a soft groan.

“Good,” Phil replied, voice so fucking husky Dan had to open his eyes to check it was still Phil. From what Dan could tell, Phil’s pupils had dilated, and his face had flushed red. Was Phil getting turned on by this?

Fuck, the thought that Dan _actually_ made Phil hard was completely insane to him, and yet made his dick twitch in his pants. Sure, Phil had joked about getting off to dan's nakedbooths and rewatching the clip of him half-naked from his video files, but seeing how Phil looked now... maybe those hadn’t been _just_ jokes.

Glancing behind him at his bedroom door, Dan made sure there was no light filtering in from outside, and double checked his headphones were in right. There was no way in hell he wanted his parents to walk in on this.

“I read something online. It’s usually girls that have a difficult time reaching climax, did you know?”

“Fuck you,” Dan gritted out. He didn’t particularly love Phil making fun of him like that. Right, like he needed a reminder that _Dan was different_ , and that most guys were perfectly fine. At least Dan could feel sympathetic to the girls who struggled to get off, unlike _Phil_.

Phil just laughed.

“Shush, it doesn’t matter,” Phil said, pacifying Dan’s worries. Dan couldn’t repress a sigh of relief, and Phil flashed him a grin. “Just means us guys are usually a fair bit luckier in that department, but _you_. Now you, I get to have my fun with,” Phil rumbled. “Anyway, they say that the best way to get a girl going is to play with her nipples, because they’re so sensitive, you know? So I thought, why not try that on Dan. See if I can’t get him going just from my mouth on his chest.”

The words caused Dan to squeeze his eyes shut at the mental image. He really did like that idea, after all. His ex had brushed over them a few times, but a _mouth?_ Fuck, Dan couldn’t even begin to imagine. If his ex’s hands barely brushing over them felt good, lord knew how amazing it would be once Phil got his mouth on him.

“You said your neck’s sensitive too, right? The internet says I should focus on your favorite spots, avoiding the… c-cock and, uhm, balls altogether. That’ll get you nice and worked up. So I figure, why not start there? I’ll get you hard for me just by sucking on your nipples and mouthing over that gorgeous chest of yours, and then I’ll move up to your neck and I’ll make damn sure everyone know who you bel- what you've been doing.”

“Phil,” Dan groaned, staring at him with his mouth unhinged a little. “Fuck, that all sounds so good,” he rasped. Just the idea of all that Phil wanted to do, the idea that he wanted to _mark Dan_ so that no one could miss the fact that he’d been having sex, was making him feel wild.

It was just that, despite the fact that he could already feel his dick throbbing, Dan knew playing with his nipples, marking him, touching his body wouldn’t be enough, and Phil had _said_ that he was going to just… avoid Dan’s cock entirely, that fucking him might not be enough. Did that mean he wasn’t going to try for anymore? “But I’ve tried everything, except… you know, _anal_ , before. I’ve tried slowing it down, I’ve tried… foreplay. It’s never enough. None of it works, I still can’t -”

“I wasn’t done,” Phil interrupted. “Did you really think I was going to stop there, Daniel?” Phil practically growled. “I’m not stupid. I figured you’ve tried the basics, and I promised you so much _more_. Don’t you think I’d try a little harder than that?”

Dan didn’t have an answer to that. Phil was right. Dan had been assuming that Phil had thought that would be enough, but Phil seemed to be serious about wanting to make Dan _actually_ orgasm, and, well, it was still insane to Dan that Phil was putting this much effort into it.

Phil had gone out and done _research_ , and was willing to spend however much time just on _foreplay_ , when most guys Dan knew... Well. If what his mates sometimes said was true, they didn’t much care for working up to anything. They just wanted to to get to the fucking part as fast as possible.

Dan had always been a fan of foreplay, but he got the distinct feeling that wasn’t the norm. Maybe he was wrong, the guys _were_ teengers, after all, but it made Dan think.

Why was Phil trying so hard?

“Why do you care?” Dan asked, before he could stop himself. The words just kind of burst out of him despite the heavy way he was breathing. Phil quirked a brow at him, always the pro at a poker face, but there was something about the way he hesitated in answering that told Dan the question had thrown him off.

After a moment, Phil’s slow grin returned. “I can’t just let a friend spend his whole life without an orgasm, now can I?”

Dan’s breathing stuttered.

He didn’t get a chance to respond before Phil moved on.

“Do you want to hear what else I’m going to do to you?”

But Dan wasn’t sure. He was still caught up on what Phil had said about not letting a _friend_ spend his life without an oragasm. The word kept echoing around in Dan’s head, a painful reminder that what they had… it was nothing. It was just sex, and flirting, and a little too much tense arousal for any two men to ignore. It hurt. It hurt more than Dan could say.

 _Friend_. Dan was just a friend to Phil, and suddenly this whole situation just felt too weird. Dan couldn’t deal with it. He knew he should have told Phil that he was interested in so much _more_ than what Phil was currently offering. He wasn’t the kind of person who did one night stands, and Phil was. Suddenly the possibility of it not turning into anything more than a one time thing seemed so much more _real_.

Phil only considered Dan a friend, and it was killing him inside.

“Dan?” Phil asked again, trying to get his attention.

Dan looked at him.

“Come here. I want to try something,” he said. There was something about his expression that made Dan feel like he was meeting the Phil who was great at sleeping around, but didn’t keep very many people in his life.

Dan knew that Phil was the sweetest person in the world, but he didn’t fall in love easy. In fact, he’d admitted to Dan that he didn’t think he’d ever _been_ in love, and here Dan was, falling for him anway.

Dan swallowed, and tried to wet his mouth. There was a part of him that was intensely worried about what Phil might want, not because he didn’t _trust_ him, but because suddenly, Dan wasn’t sure if he wanted to be involved with this side of Phil. He wanted… he wanted.

God, he just wanted more.

Slowly, he asked, “What,” his voice just as hoarse as it had been before.

Phil offered him a slow grin, and pointed to Dan.

“Take your pants off.”

Dan’s eyes went wide, and he found himself shaking his head before he could even form words. Phil wanted to have cyber sex, right here and now, and Dan _couldn’t_. He couldn’t do that, not with how he was feeling _now_. Besides, didn’t Phil understand? Dan couldn’t get off, _especially_ not on his own.

“No!” Dan finally managed to spit out, tone probably more harsh than it needed to be. The word sounded loud in his ears, but when Dan turned to look at his door, he didn’t see or hear anyone coming. He turned back to Phil, and tried to hold back the well of emotion he was currently feeling. He could feel tears of frustration pricking at his eyes, and he didn’t really want Phil to realize.

“No, Phil. I can’t do that. I can’t just - I can’t have skype sex with you. I told you, I’ve never had an oragsm. Do you really think me wanking off over a camera to you is going to make me come? I’m not just some - some - some _toy_ for you to play with, to experiment with. I’m your _friend_ , you asshole!” Dan barrelled on, practically hissing the words. “I’m not a science experiment…”

As soon as the words left Dan’s mouth, he regretted them. He hadn’t quite meant to snap like that, and he definitely hadn’t meant to make Phil _feel_ bad, it was just that he was sick of feeling like some kind of play thing, or - or - or god forbid, a medical mystery. He just wanted to be _Dan_. A person someone considered special, worth it.

Phil, for his part, looked taken aback, and maybe a little chagrined.

“Dan,” he tried to say, but Dan cut him off.

“No, Phil, it’s not going to work. Just listen to me, okay?” Dan nearly begged. “I don’t - I can’t - Phil, you’re my _best friend_. I don’t think this is a good idea. It’s nice of you to want to help me out and all, but…” Dan stopped himself short before changing the direction of his sentence. “But I can’t lose you.”

The words weren’t exactly the confession Dan _should_ have made, but they were something. They were better than continuing on like this idea was a good one, throwing caution to the wind, and ignoring every warning sign that sprang up in his face. It was better than showing up on the train in eight days, and allowing Phil to fuck him silly, only to go home and find out that Phil was ignoring him on every single piece of social media they shared. Or worse, Phil expecting them to carrying on like nothing had happened between them.

Putting a stop to it all now was better. It was so, so much better. Especially if Phil only saw Dan as a friend.

For a while, Phil didn’t say anything. He admittedly looked a little bit like he’d been hit by a freight train, but it still made Dan nervous. What if Phil hated him for going off on him like that? What if thought Dan was being a dick, or taking all of this too seriously? Dan didn’t want Phil to be angry at him for changing his mind nearly at the last minute, but…

Finally, Phil seemed to snap out of it, and every piece of him that Dan could see seemed to soften; his eyes, his face, his _shoulders_.

“Oh, Dan,” Phil whispered. “I - I’m really sorry. I didn’t even think. I probably didn’t give you the best impression telling you about my past sexual history, did I?” he asked. Dan was kind of surprised he hit the nail on the head so fast, but, well. He was Phil, and Phil always seemed to be able to see past any bit of bullshit Dan tried to feed him.

What really surprised Dan, though, was the fact that Phil didn’t seem mad at him at all.

Rather than answering Phil’s question, Dan kind of just lowered his gaze, and stared at the little bit of his own chest that he could see in the light coming from his laptop screen. Dan didn’t really want to face Phil right now, and if he weren’t so afraid of ruining their relationship, he might have just slammed his laptop shut and forgot everything else that had happened.

Maybe that way, tomorrow he could start fresh.

But Dan couldn’t do that to Phil.

Phil sighed, seeming to get the hint that Dan didn’t have anything else to say. For a moment, Dan thought Phil might actually just hang up and say goodbye, and that would be it, but Phil didn’t.

Instead, he started talking again.

“Listen, Dan. Our friendship means a lot to me. I know I’ve said in the past that I don’t like… that I’m awkward, and I don’t make friends easily, but you’re different, and I’d never do anything to put that relationship at risk. So, if me having sex with you is something that you think would ruin us, then we don’t have to. But I… I really want to have sex with you Dan. I want to be that guy who gives you an orgasm, and helps you figure out how to make yourself come. I just. I care about you a lot, okay? And I thought this was something that we both wanted.”

Dan’s head snapped up at that.

“I do want it!” he blurted out. The truth was, he _really_ wanted it. He wanted everything that Phil had offered him, and so much fucking more. That was the problem. Dan wanted _more_.

But what if this was all he could get?

“I’m just. Afraid, is all,” he added lamely.

Phil seemed to understand. He offered Dan a sympathetic hum, and then cleared his throat.

“I won’t let anything ruin our friendship, Dan. That will always be my top priority. But… it’s up to you whether we do anything more when you come visit, okay? I won’t pressure you into anything. It’s completely your choice.”

The words brought a special kind of comfort to Dan, and he found himself smiling despite all of his self doubts.

He wanted all of Phil. But he’d take whatever pieces he could get.

“Okay,” he agreed, and left it at that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Intense thank you to [@imnotinclindedtomaturity](http://imnotinclinedtomaturity.tumblr.com) again because she’s amazing and makes me a better writer I love her. Also, if some of you don’t follow my tumblr and didn’t see, Kat has convinced me to write a fifth chapter so uh yay for that? Lmao, this fic is officially over 40K on my end. Soon, you guys will have so much smut to read… Anyway, this chapter’s a long one (seriously it’s 15K I wasn’t joking) and has a lot of very explicit smut, so please take note of that before you begin to read :) Hope you enjoy <3 Edit: I forgot to mention that chapter 4 will be up on Saturday!

Dan wasn’t sure what his decision was going to be until Phil led him into his family home. He waved towards his empty lounge with a smile, promised to order a pizza, and headed upstairs with Dan’s luggage in hand and a quick shout over his shoulder for Dan to follow behind him.

Dan’s entire body was on edge, and he could feel a stirring of arousal already beginning in his groin. The answer seemed like a no-brainer, despite the fact that Dan had spent the previous six days going over and over it in his mind. Phil had promised him that he would never let anything jeopardize their friendship, which had put at least part of Dan at ease. The main issue, however, was Dan’s feelings.

He hadn’t been able to tamp down on them since the night Phil had called him his _friend_ , but he’d tried. He’d figured there were only two options: confess or get rid of them. He’d chosen to make them go away in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, once he and Phil had had sex, it wouldn’t matter so much anymore. But the idea of letting go of his feelings was easier said than done.

After that night, Phil had been nothing but polite. He’d gone back to being a little less flirty and a little more friendly, and he and Dan had spent far too many hours sharing skype calls that revolved around creating youtube videos, sharing meme’s, and making each other laugh. It had been the best six days of Dan’s life, because it was natural and it felt so much more real than Phil’s flirting, and all it had done was force him to realize that he was well and truly gone for Phil.

Which had made it difficult for Dan to decide whether or not he was going to let Phil try and help him achieve his first orgasm. But now that he was here, in Phil’s _very_ empty house, and ogling his best friend’s bum as he took the stairs two at a time, Dan knew what his answer was.

He couldn’t very well let this opportunity run away from him. If he could only have one thing with Phil, he’d take the sex. But only this once. Just once.

Without Phil being _his_ , Dan didn’t think he could handle more.

Sighing, and suddenly more than a little determined to at least get Phil off that night, Dan trailed after Phil, taking the stairs at a more reasonable one at a time. When Phil reached the top, he shot Dan a grin over his shoulder, and hurried to his room.

Dan didn’t mind. He followed after at his own pace, far too aware of the nerves currently flooding his system, and made his way into the only open doorway in the entire hallway. Dan presumed it was Phil’s room. The green and white pinstripe wallpaper peeking out at Dan was familiar, and made Dan grin.

He was about to walk into AmazingPhil’s bedroom, and that was completely insane.

What was even more insane to Dan was the fact that he was about to get fucked by Phil Lester on the same bed he filmed on. The thought sent a shiver up Dan’s spine as he finally reached the door, and turned to step inside.

“Hey there, slowpoke. I figured you wouldn’t mind sharing my room, since Martin’s can be - questionable, at best. I can pull out the blow up mattress if that would make you more comfortable,” Phil said the minute that Dan was inside. He’d dropped Dan’s luggage bag onto his bed, and was standing in front of it with a huge grin on his face.

The look was far from seductive, and yet Dan found himself physically affected by it nonetheless. If he were being honest with himself, he’d been having trouble with inappropriate boners recently just from the very thought of possibly getting to be with Phil Lester.

All that focus turned onto Dan. He didn’t know how he was going to handle it. No one had really ever paid that much attention to him before. Dan was excited.

“No, it’s fine. Sharing’s fine,” Dan mumbled when he realized that Phil was waiting for a response. Phil laughed and nodded.

“Right, cool then. Did you want me to order that pizza now, or later?” Phil offered then.

Dan, for his part, was gazing around Phil’s room. He’d seen all of it before in Phil’s videos, but actually standing in the middle of his room was insanely different to seeing it in videos or over Phil’s webcam. It was like a whole new experience, and for a moment, Dan was distracted from the nerves and his decision.

“Dan?” Phil prompted after a bit more of Dan’s staring.

Startled, Dan turned to Phil, only to find his best friend smiling in amusement.

“Shut up. I still can’t believe I’m in _actual_ AmazingPhil’s bedroom, you know.”

“Well, get used to it, because you’re going to be in an actual _video_ with me this weekend, too,” Phil reminded Dan with an awkward wink. “So, are you hungry?”

Recalling Phil’s earlier question, Dan shook his head. “Oh, no. I’m fine. We could eat later, if that’s okay with you?”

Phil rolled his eyes but nodded his head. “Of course it is, idiot. Or else I wouldn’t have offered.”

Phil took that moment to actually sit on his bed, and then he shuffled backwards until he was sprawled out against his pillows and the entire length of his long body was on display. Dan couldn’t seem to keep himself from gawking at Phil’s legs, the long length of them, and just how gorgeous Phil looked sprawled out like that. He kind of wanted to sit on top of him, but he didn’t think that was exactly the best idea. Besides, he and Phil hadn’t… _talked_ yet. About Phil’s offer.

Phil hadn’t brought it up at all, and it was both disappointing, and relieving to Dan. He didn’t know if he would have been able to answer any of Phil’s questions about it earlier, but now, _now_. He wanted Phil to want him. He wanted Phil to _ask_.

Dan bit his lip, and let his eyes rove over Phil’s body with a special kind of intent, hoping that Phil would get the message. When his eyes finally found Phil’s face, the man was smirking at him. The Phil who’d flirted with Dan and eyed him like he was a piece of meat was back.

“Did you think more about what I said?” Phil asked, his voice gone husky already. Dan wondered if Phil was hard yet, too, and if he wanted Dan as much as Dan wanted Phil. “What I offered?” Phil added after a moment. “Remember. The ball is in your court.”

Dan knew it was, and that was what made the decision so much easier. Phil wasn’t going to take anything from Dan that Dan didn’t want to give. Dan was in good hands. Phil was his best friend, and he’d promised that that would never change.

So Dan nodded, and he stepped forward, so that he was stood at the bottom of Phil’s bed, and he was looking down at the form of his best friend all spread out for him.

Phil’s hair seemed artfully tousled, spread out across his pillow and hanging just off the side of his face. His eyes were so fucking _blue_ in person, far more blue than they’d ever appeared in video or on skype. The way he stared at Dan made Dan’s entire body ache, and his knees weak, and his cock twitched in his jeans.

And his body. His body was fucking _gorgeous_.

Being with Phil in person was electrifying, and Dan didn’t know if he was ever going to get used to it.

“I did,” Dan finally answered, when it didn’t look like Phil was going to take a nod as an appropriate response. Phil waited, and Dan felt his cheeks burn red. “I want you to… I want you to help me,” Dan whispered, and did his best to hold eye contact with Phil so Phil would know that Dan meant every word of what he was saying. He hoped that the way he tilted his head, the way he tried to look coy, would be enough to entice Phil into doing what they both clearly wanted.

Phil studied Dan’s face, still smirking that fucking sexy smirk of his, but he seemed to be searching for something. Whatever it was, he must have found it, because the smirk seemed to widen as Phil propped himself up, and pushed Dan’s luggage off the bed.

Dan watched it fall with a _plunk_ and couldn’t even bring himself to be upset with the fact that his laptop was inside of it. He was far more interested in the way that Phil was spreading his legs in offering, and looking at Dan in challenge.

“Then come here,” Phil purred.

The words sent a surge of _want_ through Dan.

His brain went a little fuzzy and he gasped in wanton surprise at the way the sentence had affected him. He could see Phil chuckling, that same cocky dick that he’d been on skype the other day, but he couldn’t bring himself to reprimand him. He was too far gone already.

He was far from on edge, far from any semblance of an orgasm, but his brain had turned to mush and all Dan could think about was climbing on top of Phil and rutting down against him.

So he did. Phil’s posture was an open suggestion, and his words told Dan that Phil knew exactly what he wanted, so Dan climbed on top of the bed and crawled across it until he was hovering over top of Phil. He’d let his knees nestle between Phil’s thighs, and he was holding himself in place with his palms on either side of the pillow where Phil’s head rested. Phil was smirking up at him, but his breathing had gone a little ragged.

Good.

Let him be just as affected by Dan as Dan was by Phil. That put them on more equal footing, and god, did Dan want to be on equal footing with Phil. He was so fucking in love with him it was unreal.

“Is this okay?” Dan asked, once he was settled.

Phil snorted at him and reached up so his hands were embracing Dan’s ribcage. The feeling of Phil’s hands on his clothed body alone was both intense and steadying. It took Dan’s breath away as he gazed down at Phil.

“What do you think?” Phil returned. His eyes were dancing, and he opened up his body more so that Dan could settle more comfortably between his legs. They were both so fucking tall that Dan didn’t know how this was going to work, but Phil didn’t seem worried in the least. He looked in his element. It was _maddening._

Dan desperately wanted to ruffle that insufferable confidence that Phil had, to make him lose his fucking _mind_ , but right now, all he could do was stare down at this boy he’d fallen in love with over hours and hours of skype calls, and wait for him to do something.

The consent was clear.

Phil’s hands rubbed up Dan’s ribcage, still on the outside of his shirt, and he lifted his head up to finally press his lips to Dan’s.

Phil wasn’t gentle. He took Dan apart from the moment that their lips touched, slotting their mouths together so he could properly kiss Dan and nip at his bottom lip. He made adrenaline and arousal surge through Dan faster than he’d ever experienced before, until his dick was throbbing in his jeans and pressing insistently against his zipper. Dan had been breathless before it even began, but now he was _gone_. Phil was the one giving him air to breathe, opening up Dan’s mouth and holding himself against all of Dan. Phil’s hands drew Dan’s body down on top of his, until their chests were touching and Dan’s hips were just off center from Phil’s.

The touch of an answering erection against Dan’s thigh made him gasp against Phil’s lips, and made Phil chuckle back against Dan’s.

“Different, isn’t it?” Phil whispered, pulling back from Dan the smallest bit. His breathing was almost steady compared to the long, gasping breaths Dan was taking. Dan opened his eyes to peer down into clearly aroused blue ones, and thrust his own hips down in answer.

“Different,” Dan answered, “Good different.”

Phil chuckled again at the confirmation, and let go of Dan’s ribcage. This time, he tangled his hands into Dan’s hair and nudged him back into another kiss. Dan hadn’t quite caught his breath from the first time, but it hardly mattered. The sensation of kissing Phil was so good that Dan never wanted it to end.

Phil was talented.

He knew how to move his lips, he knew when to bite and when to suck, and he knew just how much tongue was enough but not _too_ much. He seemed to like licking lightly at Dan, just a hint of tongue, before pulling back and making Dan’s lips go numb.

Kissing had never felt this good, and it helped that Phil was carding his fingers through Dan’s hair like he couldn't get enough of it. Dan loved the feeling of his hair being played with, and he practically melted into Phil as his hips started to roll in a small motion against Phil’s thigh. Phil’s own hips kicked back in response, pressing his insistent erection into Dan’s jeans, and rubbing off just a bit against Dan.

It didn’t take too much longer for Phil to abandon Dan’s lips and move his attention to Dan’s neck instead. Dan had been expecting the assault on his neck, already knew just how sensitive he was there, but Phil’s touch was somehow so much… _better_. Phil pulled his mouth from Dan’s and dragged his lips in a smattering of kisses down Dan’s chin and to his jaw, all while Dan panted for breath in reaction. Phil didn’t just go for his neck, though. He nudged at the bottom of Dan’s chin and encouraged him to expose the long expanse of skin, moving his lips to Dan’s adam’s apple when he had access, and began sucking.

Dan let out a strangled gasp, and felt his body convulse in surprise against Phil. Phil’s lips curled into a grin against Dan’s skin, and as he moved along Dan’s neck and up the side of it towards Dan’s ear, Phil pushed their bodies sideways until they were entwined and Phil could better situate himself. He pushed one leg in between Dan’s, and hooked his other leg over Dan’s ankle. Dan thought being on top of Phil was good, but being on their sides together, like this, where Phil could push his hips into Dan’s and Dan could shove his back in turn, was heaven.

Dan had never quite felt like this before. His head was buzzing with arousal. He couldn’t think straight. He could hear his heart pounding in sync with his breathing, which was to say it was absolutely _racing_. Every part of him felt like it was on fire.

The familiar sensation of growing arousal started to build in Dan’s stomach, and he hoped that it wouldn’t stop there like it had every other time. He hoped that Phil really could make him come, no matter how long it took.

“Fuck, Phil,” Dan huffed, as Phil trailed his lips back up to a spot just behind Dan’s ear. He nipped there, and sucked a little at the skin, before moving to take Dan’s earlobe into his mouth. The feeling made Dan shudder, and he thrust his body down onto Phil’s knee where he had it situated between their bodies.

The feeling made pleasure ricochet up Dan’s spine, and before he could stop himself, he was moaning. Loudly.

The sound of Phil chuckling was loud against the shell of his ear.

“Did you like that?” Phil asked, so fucking confident and put together.

Dan nodded his head vigorously.

Phil chuckled again.

“You didn’t tell me you were loud. I wonder how loud I can make you scream tonight.”

Dan let out a small whimper in response. He wondered, too. He wondered what he would sound like if Phil did manage to make him come. It was something he’d dreamt about a million times since Phil had suggested helping Dan out. But every time, he woke up in a cold sweat on his bed, pants wet with precum, but never any actual release.

As their movements continued, Phil shifted his attention from Dan’s neck back to his lips, prying his mouth open again and showing Dan just how good it could feel to make out with a man. It was a little strange and foreign, the novel sensation of Phil’s shaved facial hair scratching Dan’s face, the feeling of another hard cock squeezed against his thigh.

But mostly, it was just _good_.

It definitely helped when Phil’s hand wandered, moving to explore other parts of Dan’s body. The hand not buried under Dan’s head traced patterns against Dan’s side and rucked up his shirt to caress at the skin underneath.

Phil’s hand was warm. It left scorching paths in its wake, and made Dan shiver as it slid up and down his bare side. Phil didn’t push, though. Unlike his kisses, his touch was more tentative, letting Dan get used to the feeling of Phil touching him before he moved further underneath Dan’s shirt.

Mostly, Phil just seemed to want to explore the expanse of Dan’s ribcage, which was more than fine by Dan. He just hoped that Phil didn’t mind the fact that with each new touch, Dan’s entire body quivered with tension and need.

After what felt like ages of just kissing, Phil pulled away from Dan’s mouth.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, his voice a little bit like the Phil that Dan knew and less like the confident sex god that currently had him in his bed.

“Good,” Dan replied breathlessly, a little blissful himself. The answer seemed to be what Phil had been looking for, because he nodded and smirked. Before Dan could protest, Phil pushed their bodies over so that Dan was on his back, and Phil was the one hovering over him. The motion was jarring to Dan, who gasped and stared up at Phil in momentary confusion. His head was spinning so much.

He just wanted Phil to come back and kiss him.

Dan whimpered and reached up for Phil’s face, but Phil skillfully evaded him. Instead, he pushed himself into a sitting position on top of Dan, grabbed the back of his shirt, and tore it over his head. The motion caused his hair to tousle wonderfully, and Dan’s eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head. Phil was just so fucking sexy, and Dan was actually _under_ him right now.

His cock was throbbing.

“Sit up,” Phil commanded, jolting Dan out of intense thoughts of kissing Phil again. A little dazed, Dan did as he was told and sat up. Phil shifted his body back so he was sitting more on Dan’s legs than on his thighs or his lap, and gripped the bottom of Dan’s shirt in his hands. In one swift motion, Phil yanked it over Dan’s head, and threw it somewhere on the bed.

Dan wasn’t paying attention.

He was too busy marveling at the way Phil’s chest looked on full display in front of him. He really was pale, but there was a tuft of chest hair in the middle of his chest, and a fine happy trail starting just under his belly button and disappearing into the waistband of his jeans. Dan wanted to chase that trail with his mouth, but he didn’t think he was going to be allowed that chance tonight.

Damn.

This might be Dan’s only sexual encounter with Phil, and he wasn’t even going to get his mouth on Phil’s dick.

“I promised you an orgasm tonight, Dan,” Phil whispered, pushing Dan back down by his shoulders and laying his body over Dan’s, so their chests were touching. Phil’s face hovered so close to Dan’s that he could feel each and every puff of air against his lips. “And you’re going to get one, no matter how long it takes. So just do as I say, okay?”

Dan couldn’t do anything other than nod in agreement. He wanted Phil more than he could say, and he wanted an orgasm more than he’d ever thought was possible.

Phil was promising him an actual _finish_ , and Dan was going to hold him to it.

“Good,” Phil whispered, and kissed Dan again. This time, Phil’s kiss was sloppy, and his hands were busy tracing over Dan’s arms. He was resting his entire weight on top of Dan, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was actually kind of nice. Phil felt good on top of him, and the way he was touching Dan made Dan feel like he was wanted. Like he was actually that sexy _someone_ that everyone talked about online, that everybody said they wanted. It made Dan feel like he was on top of the fucking world, and he never wanted it to stop.

This kiss didn’t last as long as the others had. Phil seemed to have other plans in mind, and before Dan could protest, Phil was trailing kisses down Dan’s jaw and to his neck once again. He paid special attention to the sensitive skin, just the way he’d promised Dan he would, and never stopped moving his hands. His knees shifted on either side of Dan, though, until he seemed to be trying to hold himself up, and he finally stopped tracing patterns across Dan’s arms.

One hand shifted entirely to the bed, and Phil angled his body so that he was half laying on that side, and half straddling Dan. Dan opened his eyes, not having realized they’d closed, and watched as Phil grinned up at him with the most sultry smile that Dan had ever seen.

Then, he leaned in and took Dan’s nipple into his mouth.

The sensation was obscene. Dan had thought his neck was sensitive, but that didn’t compare to the way it felt to have Phil’s mouth on his nipple. He could feel his entire body beginning to overheat as he moaned again and Phil bit down lightly, sucking on the small bud a moment later. Dan found himself squirming against his better judgment, and his hands flew to Phil’s hair, fingers gripping tight at the black locks.

Phil’s other hand skimmed up Dan’s chest, the pads of fingers moving up his ribcage and over his abdomen, before finding Dan’s other nipple. Slowly, Phil commenced to play with one between his fingers while he mouthed at the other with his lips. He thrusted his tongue out to play with it, swirling around it.

Dan felt himself start to lose control.

The noises became a constant stream then. Normally, Dan was embarrassed by how vocal he could get, but Phil had driven that thought from his mind. Now all Dan could think about was the sensations that were coming from Phil’s mouth, Phil’s fingers, Phil’s warm weight on top of him. The steady stream of whimpers became background noise that Dan wasn’t even aware he was making.

Eventually, Phil shifted his body once more, and switched sides. Dan whined in displeasure, and Phil chuckled at him, but he quickly replaced his fingers from one nipple with his mouth, and grasped the nipple he’d abandoned between his fingers.

Dan was fairly certain he was in heaven. Every last nerve ending was on _fire._ His balls had pulled tight to his body. He wasn’t even close to the edge yet, but he could feel the familiar sensations of his pleasure growing, and it was wonderful. This was the part about sex that Dan enjoyed, and he was immensely glad that Phil had found a way to make it better than it had ever been before.

“Phil, Phil, Phil,” Dan chanted, because he couldn’t help himself. Whatever the fuck Phil was doing with his mouth just felt like heaven, and Dan never wanted it to end.

But eventually, it did.

Despite Dan’s hands in Phil’s hair, Phil eventually pulled away from Dan’s nipple, and the rest of his body, to prop himself up on his elbow. When Dan was finally able to get his bearings enough to open his eyes, he found that Phil was grinning at him like a madman.

“I think it’s time to start stage two. Have you ever had a prostate massage, Dan?” Phil asked.

Dan’s entire body jolted at the words. He shook his head no.

“I’ve - I’ve never…” He couldn’t finish the thought. He’d never done much exploring in his attempts to get himself off. Playing with his balls and jerking off had never worked, nor had actually having sex with his girlfriend, so he’d given up pretty easily. But what Phil was talking about was essentially fingering, and Dan had never experienced that before.

That didn’t seem to deter Phil. He merely laughed a little and leaned in close to kiss Dan. The arm not propping him up came up to cup Dan’s cheeks, making the kiss a little more sweet but no less intense, and caused Dan to groan and arch his body into Phil’s. Dan could feel Phil smile against his lips, and then Phil pulled away.

“That’s okay. I figured. I think that might… help, in the long run,” Phil added with a little wink. Then, unexpectedly, Phil pulled away from Dan entirely and climbed off of the bed.

Dan let out a whine he hadn’t quite been expecting.

“Hey, I didn’t know if this was happening tonight or not,” Phil explained in his defense, showing his palms to Dan. “I didn’t exactly _prepare_ , you know? We’re going to need some supplies if I’m going to try this out on you.” Without further ado, Phil literally walked out of his fucking bedroom, leaving Dan dangerously aroused and breathless in the middle of his bed.

Dan groaned and tossed an arm over his eyes. He wanted to reach down and undo his jeans so he could relieve some of the pressure on his dick, but then he was afraid he’d ruin all of this careful build-up that Phil had been working towards. He’d never had much hope of actually achieving orgasm before, but here Phil was making Dan think that it might actually happen.

Moving his arm away from his face and sitting up, Dan glanced at the digital display of the clock in Phil’s room, and nearly felt his jaw fall open as he realized nearly forty five minutes had gone by since he and Phil had started messing around. So far, all they had done was grind against each other a little and make out, followed by Phil sucking at his chest. Forty five minutes couldn’t possibly have gone by, and yet it _had_.

Dan was speechless.

Finally, Phil came back from where ever he’d run off to, with a few items in his hands. Dan had to squint to get a good look, but when he did, he blushed to the tips of his toes. Phil was holding a towel, that Dan assumed would go underneath his bum, a roll of condoms, a bottle of lube and… what appeared to be a couple of gloves.

Fucking _gloves_. Dan knew exactly what they were for, but the sight was a dual sensation of arousing and mortifying.

Phil caught sight of Dan’s expression and laughed.

“Look. No one said gay sex was pretty, but I think you’re going to like it. Hopefully,” he explained, and dropped the supplies down next to Dan.

“Don’t mind me, pretending real life is a porno,” Dan responded, the first coherent thing he’d said since Phil had started kissing him. Phil just laughed again, and followed the supplies to crawl back on top of Dan.

“It could be, if you had proper time to prepare. I’m not letting you climb in the shower _now_ , though. There’s no way I’m letting you cool down from this. I’ve got an orgasm to get out of you, don’t I?” Phil asked, and leaned in for another kiss.

The sensation was relaxing. It helped Dan to get over the initial hiccup that Phil’s mention of the shower brought. Of course he knew why Phil needed a glove to basically finger fuck him, he just didn’t want to think about it. He knew it was normal, but _still_. Phil’s mouth was warm and comforting though, and he made sure to grind his hips in little circles against Dan’s in reassurance, which was nice.

It reminded Dan that they were both still in their jeans, though, and he knew that wouldn’t last for very much longer.

Finally, Phil pulled away from Dan’s mouth to grin down at him, and shifted away. He didn’t go far, though. Mostly, he just got himself settled more properly on top of Dan, and allowed himself to slide down Dan’s body. Dan didn’t know exactly what Phil was planning, but he knew he was going to like it. Phil’s mouth bypassed his nipples and made quick work of Dan’s chest, stopping to mouth around Dan’s belly button.

Phil’s chin was practically touching Dan’s aching erection, and Dan was certain that Phil was grazing against it intentionally.

Phil ignored this, though, deciding instead to make a meal of Dan’s stomach. He played at the edges of Dan’s belly button, nipping it with his teeth a little, before moving away and trailing wet kisses along Dan’s stomach. He mouthed back and forth across Dan’s stomach so his chin kept dragging against Dan’s bulge, and he sucked at the sensitive skin every time Dan trembled, like he was waiting for some kind of indication that he’d found a good spot.

Dan never wanted it to end. He felt completely and utterly fucked out and they hadn’t even properly began. If this is what it took for Dan to orgasm, he could do this a thousand times over.

He just wished that it could always be Phil drawing him to the edge and back.

Dan bit back the thought, and squeezed his eyes shut as his thighs began to tense.

“Phil,” Dan moaned. “Come on. Please. Stop teasing.”

The words came out easier than Dan was expecting them too, but he had a feeling it was because his mind had switched tracks from arousal and need, to a desperate desire for companionship, and he didn’t know how to make the switch back. Phil didn’t seem to notice, though. Instead, he pressed one last wet kiss to Dan’s belly button and pulled back with a smug look on his face.

Phil’s hands made their way to Dan’s bulge and pressed down in a soft massaging motion. The touch made Dan’s hips buck up, and his cock throb angrily at finally being touched. Dan couldn’t blame it. He’d be pretty pissed if he was ignored that long, too.

Phil didn’t stop there, though. He sat on his legs as he moved the palm of one hand against Dan’s bulge, and began to undo the button of Dan’s jeans with the other. Dan’s mind was starting to slip again at the erotic image of Phil between his legs, hovering over his dick like he wanted to eat it - and Dan supposed he did, if the way Phil was looking at Dan’s dick through his jeans was any indication.

He wondered if Phil was planning on giving him a blow job, and moaned at the thought. Thankfully, the noise seemed to spur Phil on, and he finally stopped teasing at Dan’s dick through his trousers. Instead, he pulled his palm away entirely and got to work unzipping Dan’s jeans so that he could pull his pants down. He didn’t bother going slow at that point, and Dan’s body shook as he heard his zipper come undone. Phil’s hands found Dan’s hips, and his fingers gripped the tops of Dan’s trousers and pants. Dan knew what was coming before it happened, but it still startled a moan from him when his cock sprang free and his jeans were shoved down to his thighs.

Phil didn’t push the clothing down any further. Dan could feel the fabric constricting around his skin, but he was too busy thinking about the fact that Phil’s face was inches away from his dick to care. If Phil wasn’t going to finish taking his jeans off, then Dan wasn’t going to help him. He didn’t have it in him.

“Are you going to…?” Dan tried to ask, the words getting stuck in his throat as he tried to glance down at Phil. Phil stared back at him, his hair a little messy and in his face. He looked so fucking put together, and Dan wondered how much of a wreck _he_ looked.

“If you’ll let me,” Phil replied, flashing that evil goddamn grin he had. Dan squeezed his eyes shut against the sight, and shoved his fists into his face.

“Fuck,” he spat, because it was becoming impossible to speak coherently again. He couldn’t fucking believe this was happening. No one had ever spent _this_ much time on Dan before, especially not without asking for something in return. Usually by now, if they weren’t mutually getting off, his partner would have been annoyed with him. But Phil didn’t seem to care. His focus was entirely on Dan.

At least an hour in. In any other situation, the sex would be over by now, and Dan would be left high and dry, but _this_ time. This time, it was only just beginning, and Dan’s cock had never been this hard.

Was this what it felt like to really get off? Dan didn’t know. He’d spent ages rubbing one off before, but it had never felt like this.

Phil’s hands found Dan’s hips, then, and scratched down the tanned skin lightly, trailing down what was exposed of Dan’s thighs, and causing them to twitch violently. Dan heard Phil chuckle darkly, and moved his hands away from his face to glance back down at him.

Phil looked… fucking _gorgeous_.

“Please,” Dan whimpered, drawing Phil’s gaze back up to his face. Phil had a knowing look on his face but he tilted his head in question. Clearly, he was going to make Dan ask for it.

“Please, just. Touch me.”

His voice was breathless, squeaky, _gone_ , and Phil looked positively delighted by this, but he still didn’t put his mouth on Dan like Dan wanted him too. He didn’t so much as touch Dan’s dick, continuing to sit on his legs and scratch short nails up and down Dan’s exposed thighs. It felt _amazing_ , but it wasn’t enough, and Dan wanted so much more. His cock was throbbing for it, arousal burning low in his belly. He never wanted this heady feeling of pleasure to end, but here Phil was, making him _work_ for it.

Dan almost wanted to cry.

“Phil,” he whined.

“No one’s ever worked you over this good, have they?” Phil asked, voice husky. “No wonder you’ve never had an orgasm. Look at you, you’re practically crying for it. I know I can wring an orgasm out of you tonight,” he continued, leaning in close and scattering kisses to Dan’s exposed thighs. The feeling was glorious, and Dan let his eyes drift closed as he sank into the feeling.

He was completely and utterly powerless to Phil’s mouth.

“No one… ever...” Dan whimpered in reply. He felt Phil smirk against his skin.

“I hope you’re ready Dan, because I’m not even close to finished with you.”

Dan wasn’t sure how Phil knew exactly what to do to him, but he _did_. His lips trailed up from biting at Dan’s thighs to lick at the base of his dick, teasing little touches that caused Dan to spasm violently and sent tendrils of desire and pleasure coursing through his veins like never before. Dan had had blowjobs before, but they were never enough, never even _close_ , but this felt like a warm up more than anything else.

Dan’s body and mind knew that the pleasure wasn’t going to stop here, and that seemed to make every sensation ten times better.

Finally, Phil mouthed over Dan’s tip, and sucked it into his mouth. He didn’t go far, but his hands did move to tightly grip Dan’s thighs and rub circles into the sensitive skin. He played with Dan’s slit, licking around his foreskin, letting out soft little grunts at the feel of a dick in his mouth.t made Dan mad with want. The only thing keeping his hips from kicking off the bed was Dan’s own desire to actually _finish_ tonight, and if he was going to finish, then he was damn well going to take this at Phil’s pace.

Phil knew what he was doing. Phil would take care of him. Dan knew it.

Slowly, Phil mouthed over more of Dan’s dick, suckling lightly over the tip and surging down to take more, inch by fucking inch. He hollowed his mouth out around Dan so the suction was tighter, more arousing, and bobbed his head a little, moving Dan’s foreskin up and down until the feeling was absolute agony. Dan’s hips bucked up of their own accord, then, but Phil didn’t stop them. He allowed Dan to push back further into his mouth, and scraped his teeth ever so lightly against Dan’s shuddering skin, sucking deeply.

His tongue danced around the part of Dan’s dick currently in Phil’s mouth, and his hand finally came up to encompass the remainder of Dan’s cock. Dan didn’t know what to do with himself. He found that he’d tangled his own hands into his hair, and was pulling at it because he didn’t want to pull at Phil’s. Once he realized, he removed them and forced them onto the bed, where he curled his fingers into Phil’s bed sheets and held on tight.

Phil said something against Dan’s dick that sent vibrations up his body, but when Dan didn’t seem to get the message, Phil drew away. Dan couldn’t help the whine that tore from his throat in protest as his hips jumped and tried to chase the warmth.

He could feel his cock _oozing_ with precum now. That usually took quite some time to occur, but it was happening now.

“Look how wet you are for me,” Phil said, dragging his fist up Dan’s dick, and using his thumb to play at the slit. Dan looked down with hazy eyes to watch the way his own precum stuck to Phil’s finger, and smoothed down his dick. It was electrifying.

“Has that ever happened before?” Phil asked him, smirking.

Dan nodded his head, and managed to croak out a, “Sometimes.” His fingers curled impossibly deeper into the bed covers as Dan held on tight. Phil cocked his head like he was waiting for more, so Dan stuttered out, “If - if I go lo - long enough.”

Phil nodded his head, seeming to consider this, and then leaned back in to take Dan’s dick back into his mouth. He suckled at the tip like he had the first time, causing Dan to moan once more, and then pulled back and considered Dan with impossibly dark eyes.

“Fuck my mouth,” he demanded.

Dan’s jaw dropped open. That was an order he’d never been given before, and it made heat surge through him. His mind somehow went a little _more_ fuzzy with desire, and then Phil’s lips were back on his dick, but he wasn’t moving. His hand remained firmly at the base of Dan’s cock, presumably to prevent Dan from forcing Phil down too far, but he didn’t move that either. He just waited, with his mouth deliciously warm and wet around Dan’s cock, and refused to so much as lick at him.

Dan didn’t see that he had any other choice, and who in their right mind could deny a demand like that?

So he fixed his grip on Phil’s bed to steady himself, and let his hips cant up in an experimental thrust. Phil made a noise in a response that only spurred Dan on, and as if he were on autopilot, his hips started to fuck up on their own. Dan couldn’t stop if he’d wanted too. It just felt so _good_. The way Phil’s lips moved over him, doing whatever Dan wanted as he fucked into him, and the way his hand moved to work against him too. It was all just so fucking fantastic that Dan thought he was totally going to lose it.

He gave in to the pent-up desire and just let himself go, letting out a constant stream of non-syllables and attempts of Phil’s name around a myriad of sex noises that were probably too loud, if Dan was being honest. Phil didn’t complain, though. He just let Dan fuck himself into his mouth, taking advantage of the orifice as if it didn’t belong to a person, and kept a bit of control by keeping his fist in the way of Dan forcefully throat-fucking him.

Dan didn’t care.

How could he care when he was so far gone. He’d never been allowed free reign like this, and it was more intense than he could explain. At some point, he tossed an arm over his eyes, and laced the fingers of his other hand into Phil’s hair, forcing him to stay down a little longer on every upstroke, and pulling him back up everytime Dan’s hips jerked down.

The rhythm was completely disjointed. Dan’s chest was heaving with every breath, and he could feel that burning sensation in the pit of his stomach becoming too much. He recognized that feeling. It was the one he got when he was just on the edge, the edge he never seemed to jump off of. From here, everything general went downhill as overstimulation kicked in and Dan’s body gave up the fight. It was the worst feeling in the world, and Dan was devastated to find that it was happening now. As his body gave in, Dan found himself whining around a half-sob.

“Can’t - can’t - can’t - ple-plea-ple _ase!_ ” he practically screamed, yanking hard on Phil’s hair as his cock pulled free, and collapsing against the best in exhaustion.

He wanted to cry. He was trembling all over, his cock was throbbing between his legs, and his balls were so tight to his body that he thought they were going to explode. It hurt, it hurt so fucking much, but at the same time it felt amazing, and all Dan could do was just lie there and pant.

He let out a whimper when Phil shifted against him, releasing Dan’s dick, and making it jump against his stomach. He was so sensitive, it hurt. But at the same time, he never wanted Phil to stop touching him.

“‘M sorry, sorry, sorry,” Dan mumbled.

The tears came, unbidden. He tried to hold them back, but his body was too fucking tired, and he couldn’t. He had no more self-control. His hips wiggled against the bed as he breathed around a sob, and felt the tears start to trickle down the sides of his face.

For a long moment, Phil didn’t do or say anything. He just let Dan have this moment, allowed him to try and pull himself back together. Or at least catch his breath.

By the time Dan was functioning enough to open his eyes, he realized his entire body was trembling, and his cock was weeping against his stomach. Phil was staring down at him with concern clear in his expression, and his body carefully angled away from touching Dan too much. When he saw that Dan had opened his eyes, however, he offered Dan a tentative smile, and reached down to wipe the tears away from his cheeks.

Dan relaxed into the tender touch, pleasantly surprised by it. He let his eyes drift closed again.

“Sorry,” Dan murmured. “I told you I can’t…” he trailed off, unable to finish that sentence. He was embarrassed, humiliated, and disappointed all at the same time. He’d had such high hopes that this was actually going to work, and then when he’d come so close, he hadn’t been able to take any more.

“Shh,” Phil replied easily. “I’m not upset. I have to admit, when you said that you only get precum sometimes, I thought maybe the blowjob would be enough to get you off. I’d say I was disappointed, but I’m not. I’ve got so much more planned for you, Dan.”

Phil’s voice trailed off into a sound of husky desire, and Dan found himself opening his eyes all over again. He hadn’t been expecting Phil to want to keep trying. He’d thought Phil would be quite a bit more pissed off about the whole situation, perhaps demand that Dan get him off and they leave it at that.

But Phil was staring down at him with a certain mischievous glint in his eye.

“Do you want to know why I asked you if you’d ever had a prostate massage before?” Phil asked. Dan found himself nodding his head dumbly, caught up in the stunned disbelief he was still feeling at the fact that Phil wanted to keep going. Phil smirked at his expression, and continued. “I read online that sometimes, the reason girls’ can’t finish is because the pleasure is too… direct. There isn’t much research done on men being unable to come, other than claims of erectile dysfunction, but I figured…”

Dan didn’t understand what Phil was getting at. His brain was far too messed up to pick up on social cues right now, so he just frowned at Phil and waited for him to continue.

Phil laughed, and leaned in to press a gentle kiss to Dan’s lips. It was more of a peck, really, and was over far too fast for Dan’s liking.

“Sorry, you just looked so cute,” he explained, and waved it away like it didn’t mean anything. To Dan, it meant so much, and he found himself staring in awe up at Phil, hope blossoming in his chest.

Did that mean…?

“Apparently, some girls can’t come from direct stimulation of their clit, or their g-spot, while others can _only_ come from those exact situations. So I figured… a clit is just a pre-formed penis, right? So maybe, you can’t come from direct stimulation to your dick.”

The words brought Dan back to the present, and he found himself staring in awe at Phil. That wasn’t something Dan or the doctors had ever considered before. Wasn’t the penis supposed to be like, the center of a man’s pleasure cortex or some shit like that? What did Phil mean Dan needed some other kind of - oh.

His mouth popped open in a little “o”, and Phil chuckled at him.

“Yeah. So I figured, we’ll try a few things out. Get you all worked up kissing every one of your favorite places, maybe try a blow job, and then… well. If a prostate massage doesn’t work, I could always try fucking you.”

The words were so fucking dirty that Dan found himself groaning and throwing his head back against the pillow. His entire body was still shaking, and his cock absolutely _throbbed_ at the thought. He wanted that. He wanted that so fucking much he couldn’t speak. Thankfully, Phil seemed to get the message.

He leaned over Dan’s body without another word and kissed him. It felt like they hadn’t kissed in forever, and it felt so fucking good. Phil’s mouth wasn’t as ravenous as it had been when they’d first started all of this, either. It was a little softer, a little less hungry, and a little bit… more. Dan didn’t know if it was all in his head, but he was clinging to the feeling because Phil’s mouth on his was everything that Dan had ever wanted.

He didn’t even mind the fact that Phil’s stubble was likely going to give him a burn. He just wanted to keep kissing him. He wanted to never let go.

Phil wasn’t having that, though. Despite the fact that he was leaning over Dan, Phil didn’t let any part of their bodies touch, perhaps wanting to give Dan’s body a break. Eventually, that seemed to include his mouth, as well, as he pulled away and climbed away from Dan entirely.

Dan stared at him and Phil stared back, eyes a little glazed as he took in Dan’s form. Slowly, Phil reached down to palm at his own erection, and he lent his head back to let out a long exhale. His cock must have been aching by now. Dan didn’t know how Phil wasn’t demanding to get off already. Dan didn’t know how long it had been, but it had been long enough. If Dan was shaking all over, he couldn’t imagine how Phil felt.

“Let me -” Dan tried to say, but Phil shook his head, dropping his hand from his gyrating hips and dropping his head back forward to stare at Dan.

“No, don’t. I’m okay. I want to wait,” he insisted, and smiled at Dan. “Fuck, you look so good like that, all fucked out and spread across my bed. You don’t know what you do to me, Dan,” he added. “I could take a picture of you right now. But I won’t. This is just for me.”

Dan looked down, trying to take himself in and see himself the way Phil seemed to see him. His pants and trousers were bunched up at the tops of his thighs, and his dick was a deep red where it rested on Dan’s belly. His entire chest was flushed, in fact, and Dan was almost embarrassed to see the small marks that were starting to form on his skin where Phil had bitten him.

He had to admit, he did look pretty good.

Dan moved his gaze back to Phil, and his unmarred chest, the way he looked red from the neck down, and his dick shoved against the seam of his jeans. He looked just as good, and Dan found himself licking his lips.

He couldn’t believe he was being allowed to have this. It was insane to him. The fact that Phil was not only willing to have sex with him, but was putting _this_ much effort into getting him off? It meant so much more to Dan than Phil could ever know, and he knew he would treasure this memory forever, regardless of whether or not he actually managed to get off.

He thought, maybe, just maybe, Phil would actually be able to accomplish it though.

“Phil?” Dan asked, voice tense and a little worried, after a minute had passed of Phil just staring. Phil snapped out of it, seeming to come back to himself, and finally got back to moving. He shifted over to Dan and properly pulled his jeans and boxers down, yanking them down Dan’s legs so that they would come free. They were tight, and it took some struggling, but Dan did his best to help, kicking and pushing to get them free, until Phil finally had him completely undressed. Dan would have felt more exposed if Phil hadn’t already fucked the shit out of him with his mouth all over Dan’s exposed body.

“Lift your bum,” Phil insisted, reaching over Dan’s body to find the towel he’d brought in what was probably ages ago. The very thought had Dan twisting his head to check the digital display of Phil’s clock, and his eyes widened as he took in just how much time had passed.

Another forty-five minutes. Dan couldn’t fucking believe it. Phil was doing all of this for him…

Realizing he was keeping Phil waiting, Dan did as Phil had requested, and hovered his hips above the bed. The muscles in his core protested, but he ignored it while Phil got the towel situated. When he was done, Phil pushed Dan’s hips down determinedly so Dan collapsed back onto the bed, and then climbed back over him.

Phil was still wearing his jeans, but Dan didn’t have any chance to protest. Phil was too busy getting himself ready to finger fuck Dan, and Dan’s entire body was coiling in anticipation. His dick had never _lost_ interest, but it seemed to perk up at the idea, and Phil definitely noticed.

He gave Dan a look, but didn’t comment as he snapped a glove on his right hand, and grabbed the lube.

“You’ve never done this, right?” Phil reiterated, already knowing the answer. Dan nodded his head dutifully anyway. “Okay, it’s going to feel weird at first, and you might end up not liking it, so just tell me, okay? We can stop anytime. But I think you’re going to like it.” He winked at Dan, before continuing. “I’m going to need you to relax, though. It’ll hurt if you don’t keep relaxed. Okay?”

Dan didn’t know very much about fingering, or gay sex, but he did know that Phil did. Dan could trust Phil, and the fact that Phil had reassured him they could stop at any time helped a little bit, too. So he nodded his head, and spread his legs a little more as Phil seemed to settle between them. One of his gloved fingers was covered in lube, and Phil looked more interested in Dan’s ass then he’d been expecting.

Dan wasn’t used to having someone between his legs looking at him like that. Normally, that was his job. Normally, Dan was having sex with a girl. But having sex with Phil was fucking amazing. Dan never wanted to give it up, and he hoped he that he would never have to.

Phil’s ungloved hand rubbed at Dan’s thighs, the movement both soothing and pleasurable. It made Dan’s body start to relax even more into the duvet, and Dan let his head fall back against his pillows as Phil shifted between his legs. His unoccupied hand moved to circle the edges of Dan’s entrance, a cold, wet touch that made a zing go up Dan’s spine. He didn’t know if he liked it or not, but he definitely knew that he wanted to try it.

Phil didn’t push in right away, though. He leaned in to trail wet kisses all over Dan’s stomach again, avoiding Dan’s dick as best as he could, and rubbed small circles around Dan’s entrance with that one, wet finger. Dan was a little bit afraid that Phil was going to run out of lube by the time he pushed it in, but he was far too distracted by Phil’s mouth on his stomach to really care.

He’d circled back from being sensitive, and found himself diving headfirst into unrestrained pleasure, the likes of which he’d never felt before. Every movement of Phil’s lips made Dan huff out soft groans of pleasure, and he tossed his head on the pillow like he couldn’t get enough. His dick pulsed between his legs, causing him to squirm.

He wanted more. So, so much more.

Phil gave it to him.

Without warning, he pressed the very tip of his finger into Dan’s body, and pulled it back out, just as quickly. Dan tensed on reflex, but Phil did it again, and again, and again, never once pushing in past the tip. Dan’s body fluttered around the intrusion a little bit, but it didn’t feel good so much as it felt strange.

“Relax,” Phil murmured against Dan’s stomach, and trailed his lips upwards to Dan’s chest. He was just under Dan’s nipple when Dan’s body relaxed, and Phil tried pushing the finger in further. Distracted by the tease of Phil’s tongue so close to his nipple, Dan almost didn’t notice the intrusion, except for the spark of pleasure it sent surging through his body. His hips jolted, and he pushed down, crying out in a mix of pleasure and pain as Phil’s finger was forced further inside of him.

Phil stilled completely as Dan clenched around the intrusion and tried to pull away, gasping when that caused another surge of pain to ricochet up his body. The hand resting on Dan’s thigh moved to push down, _hard_ , on Dan’s hips, preventing him from moving anymore, and Phil stared up at Dan with wide eyes.

“Dan,” he insisted, voice urgent. “Dan, listen to me.”

The pain was too much. Dan just wanted Phil to pull away, but it hurt with every twitch of his body, and Dan was so tense now that he thought something was going to tear. He did his best to focus his attention back down on Phil, but it was hard. Phil’s hand keeping his hips still was the only thing to keep him under control, and he finally managed to open his eyes and look at Phil.

“Relax. I need you to relax. You’re hurting me, and I’m hurting you, so you need to _relax_ ,” he said, breath puffing out against Dan’s nipple. He hadn’t moved away, looking a little afraid to do _anything_ , and Dan hated that he’d done that. It was just… he hadn’t been expecting it to feel good, only for it to hurt so goddamn much a moment later. Dan whimpered, but nodded his head at Phil, who offered him a gentle smile.

“Relax, and let me help you,” Phil requested. Then, he leaned in and wrapped his lips around Dan’s sensitive nipple again, sucking lightly when Dan let out a soft moan. Dan felt his body start to relax into the sensation all on its own, and the pain in his bum started to fade until he forgot about it all together.

He lost himself for a little bit. Phil’s mouth on his chest was intoxicating, magical. It caught and held Dan’s attention so well that he only squirmed a little on Phil’s finger, and he was only dimly aware of the fact that it was moving in and out of Dan with ease, now. The dual sensations were starting a slow burn through Dan’s veins, and he let out a slew of soft noises as Phil worked him open.

It was good, definitely good, and Dan thought he might have been babbling the words because Phil chuckled around his chest before he eventually pulled away. That’s when he curled his finger just a little bit, and Dan found himself arching into the touch. It felt so _good_ -

“Fuck! _Phiiiil_ ,” Dan whined.

“Good, hmm?” Phil teased. “Wait ‘til I find your prostate.”

Dan didn’t know if he was going to be able to take it, but he wanted it. He wanted it so fucking bad that he babbled out a stream of, “yes, yes, yes,” that made Phil laugh all over again.

“So cute,” he thought he heard Phil mutter, but he wasn’t sure. Dan was too caught up in the feeling of Phil trailing kisses back down his body, stopping to nibble at his hipbone as he pulled his finger out all the way.

By the time it was back, Dan could feel two fingers nudging at his body, and he spread his legs further still in the desire for Phil to fuck him open properly.

“Ready?” Phil asked, the words practically a whisper against Dan’s hip bone.

Dan nodded his head and let out a breathless, “yes,” and did his best not to tense when Phil started to nudge at him with two fingers, dipping in and out the same way he’d done with one. It was difficult to focus at that point, as Phil began leaving biting marks in Dan’s skin like he had earlier. He didn’t move back up to Dan’s nipples, but he did stop at his belly button to push his tongue inside and fuck him with the slick muscle.

That seemed to be enough to distract Dan from Phil opening him up even more on his fingers Phil’s chin was putting pressure on his dick, his tongue was in his belly button, and he coaxed two fingers inside of Dan just enough that Dan felt a slight burn before he pulled them back out.

Then he did it again, and again, and again until Dan was lost to the sensation. His body was impossibly wet, and the slide of Phil inside of him seemed to grow easier and easier until Dan actually forgot that this had hurt at one point. The rough glide of fingertips inside of him sent sparks of pleasure all the way to the tips of his toes and the tips of his fingers, and it was a lot to take in but it was good.

It was _so. fucking. good_.

Dan didn’t know what to say, couldn’t manage anything other than squirming on the bed and arching his neck backwards in pleasure while he panted Phil’s name.

“Mmm,” Phil hummed against Dan’s hip as he made his way down across his ribcage. “You’re so wet, Dan. How does it feel?”

How was Dan supposed to answer that? He hardly knew what words were anymore, and this was a lot for his body to handle. Did Phil really expect an answer?

The sharp nip at his hip bone told Dan that Phil _did_ , so he groaned and did his best to open his mouth.

“Good.”

“How good?”

“So good, Phil, _please_.”

Phil chuckled against his hipbone and pulled his mouth away from Dan’s body as he began moving his fingers at a more rapid pace than before. Dan hadn’t been expecting it, but rather than being scared or tensing up, he felt his body go boneless as a ragged moan lifted from his lips. His hips arched a little, making his cock bounce against his body, but for the most part, Dan just felt pleasure. Phil was leaning over top of him just watching, and Dan was watching back while sweat started to drip down the sides of his face.

He hoped he didn’t look absolutely repugnant, but in that moment, Dan felt like a sex god himself. The way Phil looked at him, hungry and wanting, was definitely an ego boost Dan hadn’t known he’d needed.

“I could happily do this all day,” Phil growled. There was no other way to describe it. The deep husk had transformed, and Phil was fucking passion rolled into a tight ball. Dan found himself succumbing to it, and before he knew it, he was rocking his hips back against Phil’s fingers in his arse. Phil just kept moving them in a slow, heady drag that made Dan’s eyes roll into the back of his head.

That slow build of heat that Dan recognized as an impending orgasm began to rise again, slowly this time.

And then Phil found something deep inside of Dan that made Dan’s body twinge. He stilled the movements of his hips, and Phil seemed to stop pistoning his fingers in an out, instead focusing his attention on whatever that _thing_ was. For a slow moment, Phil just prodded at it, his fingers rubbing deep inside of Dan in a way that wasn’t uncomfortable but kind of strange, and then a wave of pleasure began to build up in Dan.

He gasped. Whatever Phil was touching it was good, and he never wanted it to stop.

“Oh my god,” he gurgled. “Phil, Phil, _Phil_ ,” he moaned, arching his back up and pressing down deeper on to Phil’s fingers. Phil just kept moving the pads of his fingers against that spot, massaging over it and making it ache inside of Dan until he felt like he was going to explode. He gasped, and quickly found himself just as breathless as he’d been when Phil had sucked him off, when he’d kissed him within an inch of his life before this had all began. He found himself desperate for more, and despite his knowledge that Phil had full on planned to give him a prostate massage, Dan decided that he’d had enough.

He was going to reach an orgasm tonight, but to hell with doing that on Phil’s fingers. He wanted Phil’s _cock_.

“Fuck me,” he gasped. “Fuck me. Phil, _fuck_ ,” he groaned, wiggling away from Phil’s fingers and how far up his ass they’d gone. “Please, please, _please_ , I need it. Please, Phil, I want to come on your dick,” he babbled, tossing his head on the pillow, and begging, pleading with Phil to let him have this.

He’d never been so fucking close before. He’d never thought it was possible. But here he was.

Dan was going to come, and he was determined to do it while Phil was inside of him.

Phil’s fingers pulled from Dan’s body slowly, popping free with a soft slick sound that made Dan’s thighs twitch and relax. He was panting like he’d just run a marathon. Dan opened his eyes and looked at Phil to find he was staring at Dan with concern on his features.

“Dan, are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

Dan groaned, and shook his head. “You won’t, you _won’t_. I trust you, _please_. I wanna come on you, please, Phil. You promised, you _promised_.”

Phil continued to hesitate. Despite his earlier desire to fuck Dan, he didn’t seem so inclined anymore, and Dan could feel his heart tumbling into a million broken pieces at the thought. Phil didn’t want him.

Phil didn’t _want_ him.

Phil just wanted this whole thing to be over with. Phil was tired of dragging Dan through the motions, tired of having to give him so much pleasure and get nothing in return. How long had they been at this now? Dan glanced at the clock, recognized that another hour had passed them by, and wanted to kick himself.

No wonder Phil was tired of this. No wonder Phil just wanted Dan to come already. No wonder he was no longer interested in fucking Dan, he probably wasn’t even _hard_ anymore.

Dan was just about to curl into himself, humiliated, when Phil cursed.

“Fuck,” he said, and leaned over Dan to kiss him.

For a moment, Dan struggled against it. His eyes were wet with tears and he felt like he’d just been punched in the chest, and yet there Phil was, kissing him with intent like he had when this whole thing had started. Phil’s body collapsed on top of Dan’s, pinning him down. The sound of elastic snapping echoed below them, and then one of Phil’s hands moved to brush over Dan’s body, playing with his nipples, while the other held Phil up. He’d taken off the glove.

He’d taken off the glove.

“I want to,” Phil gasped into Dan’s mouth, as if he could read Dan’s mind. “God, do I want to. But I promised you an orgasm, and if a prostate massage will do it -”

“I don’t care,” Dan gasped back, ripping his lips away from Phil’s to press desperate open-mouthed kisses along his cheek and down his jaw. He was just so fucking _happy_ that Phil still wanted him, that Dan had been wrong, that Phil _wasn’t_ sick of having sex with Dan already.

Dan had no idea what his hands had been doing all this time, but now they were grasping at Phil’s head, holding it in place, scrabbling for some kind of purchase, some kind of control. “I don’t care, I want to feel you inside of me, Phil, _please_ ,” Dan begged.

He needed it. Now. He needed to feel connected to Phil. His balls _ached_ with the desire to release, but Dan didn’t care if he ever did. He just wanted to be with Phil.

“Please,” he whimpered one last time.

Phil groaned under his lips. The sound was one of defeat, and Dan found himself groaning in response as his body became hyper-aware of what as about to happen. He didn’t stop kissing Phil’s skin, though. He hadn’t been given the chance to before, and now that he _was_ , he wanted nothing more than to keep going.

Phil practically collapsed on top of him.

“Okay, okay, okay,” he groaned, arching his neck into Dan’s touches. This was the first time Dan had seen Phil start to fall apart, and it was intoxicating. “I’ll fuck you, just. _Fuck_ , Dan, let me - let me catch my breath.”

Dan didn’t want to let Phil do anything of the sort. He wanted to keep arching up into his half-clothed body and kiss him for the rest of eternity. He wanted to spend forever in this moment if it meant that Phil was on top of him and never planned to let go.

Phil wasn’t having it though. After another few moments of Dan sucking on Phil’s neck, leaving a hickey in his wake, Phil pulled himself free from Dan’s grip, and rolled off of him. For the third time.

Phil really needed to stop doing that.

Phil knew what he was doing though. It wasn’t without calculation, and he hadn’t pulled away more than was necessary. As Dan watched, Phil undid the button on his jeans and pulled down the zipper before shimmying out of the tight fabric. He didn’t seem to have the same strength he’d had earlier when he’d taken Dan's jeans and pants down at the same time, though. It wasn’t until he’d stepped out of his trousers, that he managed to pull down his boxers, too.

As his cock sprang free, long and hard and _red_ , Dan noticed that Phil’s hands were actually shaking.

He didn’t know if that was from anticipation or from nerves, but in a weird sense, it was reassuring. He wasn’t alone in how desperately he wanted this, he wasn’t alone in his feelings, _he wasn’t alone_. Maybe he was wrong on one count, but he was right on at least one, and that meant the world to Dan.

As soon as Phil was completely undressed, Dan raised his arms up, begging Phil to come back, but Phil softly shook his head. Rather than crawling back on top of Dan, Phil carefully laid on his back a few inches away from Dan, close enough to share the pillow, but not close enough for their bodies to touch. When he was settled, he turned his head to look at Dan. His brows were furrowed and his lip was caught between his teeth.

It wasn’t the _I know I’m sexy_ lip bite that Dan had been seeing for bloody weeks on skype. It was a hesitant, _I’m terrified and I don’t know what to do_ lip bite.

Yeah. Definitely nervous, then. Dan hoped it was for the same reasons that he was nervous. He hoped that there was some kind of underlying affection, underlying _emotion_ , in Phil that said he wanted so much _more_ than just sex with Dan. He hoped that Phil’s nervousness stemmed from a desire to not hurt Dan because he wanted to do this _again_ , because he wanted to do this and have it _mean_ something.

Dan knew that he was projecting, but he just couldn’t help himself. At this point, he never wanted to let Phil go. Physically or emotionally.

“Do you trust me?” Phil whispered, eyes sharp and intense and demanding as they peered into Dan’s soul.

Dan didn’t hesitate to nod his head in response. “Entirely.”

Phil’s lips quirked up in a grateful smile, and he leaned in to press a tender kiss to Dan’s lips. It wasn’t something Dan had really been expecting, but he didn’t have much time to think on it, before Phil reached down between them and grabbed the roll of condoms in order to tear one off and rip it open. As the rubber fell into Phil’s hand, Dan watched him reach down with the other to fist himself for a moment.

The soft slide of Phil’s fist over his cock was intoxicating. The sensual slide had caused Phil to draw his lower lip into his mouth, as if he were trying to rein himself in from finishing right then and there, and it made Dan’s mouth water.

He’d never seen another man’s dick before, but Phil’s was _glorious_. He didn’t want to call it pretty, or gorgeous, because it kind of wasn’t, but it was Phil’s and it was going to be _inside_ of him, and Dan wanted it.

God, did he want it.

After another few strokes of his hand, Phil put the condom to the tip and rolled it down with a breathy sigh. His unoccupied hand move to massage as his balls, and Dan whimpered at the sight.

He wished that was him, he wished he was the one smoothing the condom down Phil’s cock. But he was paralyzed. He wasn’t sure how to move in and touch Phil in the midst of everything. Phil didn’t seem to mind. His eyes fluttered closed at his own touch and his lips fell open. It was like he was putting on a show, a show only for Dan, but Dan was sure it was just the pleasure and desperation finally commanding Phil’s attention enough that he caved to his pleasure

The sight was glorious.

It didn’t stop there. Phil blindly groped on the bed for the bottle of lube, which Dan quickly handed to him, not wanting Phil to touch the soiled glove currently between his legs. Dan watched with rapt attention as Phil popped the cap to wet his fingers, and slicked himself up, hips bucking into the motion like he couldn’t help himself. He kept it simple, a gentle roll that was calmer than anything Dan had done all night, like he was teasing himself, before he finally let go and smeared the rest of the lube off of his hand and onto his bed sheets.

Finally, finally Phil turned to Dan, and offered him a soft smile.

“Get on top of me.”

Dan frowned. That wasn’t what he’d been expecting. Phil was definitely going to fuck him if the condom and preparation was any indication, but... didn’t that usually require, like, Dan being on his back with his legs in the air, or him on his hands and knees so Phil could take him from behind?

Phil seemed to read the confusion on Dan’s face, because he reached out and laid a calming hand to Dan’s cheek.

“Trust me,” he reiterated, and waited.

Unsure, but ready to jump off the end of the fucking Earth if Phil asked him to, Dan scrambled up for the first time all night, careful to avoid the mess they’d made on Dan’s side of the bed, and crawled on top of Phil. It was distinctly reminiscent of how this entire night had begun, but incredibly different at the same time, because this time… this time they were _naked_. This time Dan was stretched and Phil was sheathed in a condom, ready to take him.

For the first time in a while, Dan recalled just how long they’d been having sex. Well over two hours ago, Phil had first kissed him. It felt ages and Dan still hadn’t come, but neither had Phil, and Phil didn’t seem to care how long it was taking them both to get off. He didn’t seem to care that Dan was only just now crawling over top of him, didn’t seem to care that it might take ages longer from here.

Dan wondered if Phil would let him ride him, if Phil came first and Dan still wasn’t there yet.

As Dan found a comfortable perch on top of Phil, with his knees on either side of Phil’s hips and his body propped up on his thighs, Phil moved his hands to Dan’s hips and slowly dragged his fingers up and down Dan’s ribcage. The way he touched Dan made him feel like Phil was trying to memorize the way he felt, and it made a well of emotion choke at Dan’s throat.

Phil’s eyes met Dan’s as Dan finally settled on top of him. Phil’s hair was a wreck from all of Dan’s pulling, and Dan imagined he looked just as bad. Phil didn’t say anything though. He just traced his gaze across Dan’s body and back up to his eyes over and over again like he couldn’t get enough. His hands stilled on Dan’s ribcage, holding on tight, and then he nodded, as if making a decision for himself.

“Are you ready?”

Dan swallowed thickly. This was as ready as he was ever going to be.

Dan’s eyes bore into Phil’s and he gave a single, firm nod of his head.

Phil nodded back, and let go of Dan to reach behind Dan’s body. He shifted Dan’s hips up a bit, so he was rocked forward a bit more on Phil’s stomach, and then grasped what Dan assumed was his own cock.

Dan’s heart was beating fast in his chest. He didn’t know where to put his hands, so he leaned forward and rested them onto Phil’s chest. Phil didn’t complain. He smiled a little, and then nudged his cock at Dan’s bum, and stilled. His eyes met Dan’s again.

Dan felt his stomach clench in anticipation.

“We’re gonna take this as your pace, okay? You’re in charge,” Phil insisted. His expression made it clear that he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Dan found himself drowning in that gaze, ready to do anything if Phil would just - just -

“Sit on me,” Phil whispered. And then, with that damned smirk that Dan had seen in almost every skype session, Phil added, “And then ride me.”

Dan groaned at the words. He could feel Phil’s head pressing at his slick, stretched entrance. He wanted to sit on it, wanted to force it inside, but part of him was scared. Phil’s dick was thicker than his fingers and, for as much as Dan wanted it, he _really_ didn’t want to hurt himself.

He didn’t want to regret this.

But if he didn’t take this chance… If he didn’t take his chance to _have_ Phil, he’d never forgive himself.

So, taking the advice that Phil had given him when Phil had first started to finger him open, Dan forced himself to relax, and pushed his body backwards onto Phil’s cock. The way he was lent over Phil helped his arse to open up, and Phil was quick to guide his dick into Dan’s opening, still letting Dan set pace. The thick slide of Phil pushing into him began, and Dan lost his breath.

Phil was thick, heavy. He was wider than his fingers had been, and the push was a little sharper, but it was so fucking _good_ that Dan never wanted to leave this moment. His ears were ringing, and he was sure that he was panting again. He could feel his mouth was hanging open. Phil was staring up at him in a mix of awe and smugness that was heady to Dan’s mind. He looked just as blown away at the feeling of breaching Dan as Dan was at being breached, but he didn’t say a word.

It was clear that Phil didn’t have any words to say. Mostly, he just looked like he knew exactly what he was doing and was so fucking happy he was doing it. Dan hoped that he looked the same way.

He slid down Phil’s rock hard cock bit by bit. The burn was too much to take him all at once, no matter how badly Dan’s body wanted it. Heat coiled in him, and his balls drew even tighter to him. His cock was bobbing between his legs, ignored and dripping at the tip, but Phil had said maybe Dan couldn’t come because he couldn’t take too much direct stimulation to his dick, so Dan was going to just go ahead and keep ignoring it.

The more of Phil’s dick that Dan took, the more that Phil’s expression morphed into one of pure pleasure. His eyes closed, and he felt himself beginning to fall apart the way that Dan had been hoping he would. After Phil had paid Dan so much attention, Dan figured it was time to consider how long Phil had been waiting to have his dick so much as _touched_. Dan had no idea how Phil had lasted this long. Dan was only still hard, still ready because he’d never been able to reach climax before, but what was Phil’s excuse?

The thoughts fled Dan’s mind as Phil started to slip deeper inside of him, and the ecstasy started to take over. The hot pressure of Phil against his walls, the way his dick pushed into him and opened him up even further than his fingers had before, it was all almost too much. Dan could feel himself leaking more and more precum than he’d ever thought was possible. The sheer amount of cum currently coating Phil’s stomach was intoxicating to look at, still dripping from Dan’s dick and creating a sheen against Phil’s abdomen.

It was a miracle he wasn’t coming - or was he?

Would Dan know when he came?

“Phil,” Dan gasped, as he took more of him, and more of him, and more. “How will I know -”

“You’ll know,” Phil gasped. “Trust me. You’ll know.”

Trust me. Phil kept asking Dan to trust him. If Dan had ever doubted how much Phil valued their friendship, he didn’t anymore. It felt like Phil just wanted to protect him, and even if he was only fucking Dan to help out a _friend_ , at this point, Dan didn’t even care. Phil was the best goddamn _friend_ that Dan had ever had.

Finally, seemingly after hours of pushing his hips backwards and taking Phil in, Phil bottomed out. Phil’s hand shifted from his cock to Dan’s hip when he slipped all the way in. Phil let out a guttural groan, a deep noise that was almost on par with all the sounds Dan had been making all night.

Dan, for his part, just kept whimpering, gasping, and panting. His arms were shaking from holding himself up on Phil’s chest, and his legs were quaking from the sensation of working so fucking much.

But most of all, Dan was just in bliss. He felt so _full_. The sensation was incredibly foreign and at the same time completely arousing. He’d never felt so close to another human being, not even when he’d been this deep inside of his girlfriend. That had been amazing, and as close to bliss as Dan thought he was ever going to get, but this?

This was a whole new level of intimacy.

He wondered if this was how his girlfriend always felt when he’d fuck her. If it was, Dan couldn’t blame her for wanting him so much. He couldn’t blame her for wanting to keep having sex with him even though he couldn’t finish, and he couldn't blame her for never wanting to get him off afterwards. Dan wasn’t sure he would have had the energy to help anyone get to orgasm after being fucked like this.

If he could have this for the rest of his life, he’d take it.

Phil’s expression was completely wrecked. Dan watched him through half-lidded eyes. He watched the way Phil scrunched up his own eyes and bit his lip. If the way he was stroking Dan’s torso was any indication, Phil was trying to do everything he could to focus on not shifting his hips inside of Dan.

Dan was grateful, but also not. He wanted to get used to this feeling, but the searing heat in his abdomen and carnal _need_ running rampant in his body was begging him to just fucking _move_ already, so he could _come_. Dan had never felt like this before. Usually, when it got this intense, he fell apart into tears, too oversensitized from everything, like he had earlier when Phil had been blowing him. Now, though, now he felt like he might actually teeter over the edge if they just pushed a little further.

“Woah,” Dan gasped, and rolled his hips downwards.

Phil whimpered.

Phil _whimpered_ , and Dan let go.

His movements were slow, and gentle at first, working up to something more. Dan couldn’t pull off too much from Phil without it kind of hurting, so he kept his motions easy, and mostly just rocked his hips against Phils, allowing him to push against all of his walls and pry him further open. Phil didn’t complain. For the first time all night, he seemed just as lost for words as Dan was.

Dan was living for it, though. Each press of Phil against him made his body sing with pleasure, and it was far better than anything Dan had ever experienced before. As he slowly worked himself up to a proper fuck, Dan shoved himself up and away from Phil's chest, and reached behind him to brace himself on Phil’s thighs instead.

The change in position seemed to spark something in both of them, because Phil let out a strangled sound, and arched his hips upwards while Dan moaned and surged down. Phil’s dick seemed to push impossibly deeper inside of Dan, nuding into that spot Phil had been massaging earlier.

Dan couldn’t help it then. He started riding Phil properly, pushing up and down like his life depended on it. His hands squeezed at Phil’s thighs where he was holding him as he moved, more than a little aware that he wasn’t even pulling off that much, but it didn’t matter to him. It just felt so fucking good, and he kept getting lucky. The head of Phil’s cock was driving relentlessly into his prostate.

Once Dan really got going, and Phil realized that he was allowed to _move_ , his hands left Dan’s hips and wandered over Dan’s abdomen and chest. It was like Phil couldn’t help himself, like his fingers couldn’t settle, and he didn’t know what to do with himself. Eventually, Phil’s hands slipped down to Dan’s cock and took it in hand. Phil was panting as he stared up at Dan as if Dan were the only thing that mattered. Dan could see Phil’s chest heaving, could see his hips arching up to meet Dan’s movements, could feel the strain of his body under Dan’s in the way that his thighs quaked.

Phil was close, that was much was clear.

And Dan had no idea if he was ever going to come.

The feeling of Phil’s hand fisting his cock was too much, though. After a few strokes of fingers over skin, Dan reached over to knock Phil’s hand away with a quick shake of his head, before falling back and catching himself on Phil’s thigh again. He kept pushing his hips up and down, eyes half-lidded and body desperate for release.

Phil took the hint and went back to caressing Dan’s chest. His hands glided to cup Dan’s sides, rubbing up and down, up and down, as he began making soft little wheezing noises.

Phil’s noises were nothing compared to Dan’s, though. Dan moaned like he couldn’t get enough, and the reality was that he couldn’t ever get enough. He never wanted to stop, even as his body started cramping up and exhaustion began to eat away at him.

He didn’t know how much more of this he could take, but he wanted to come, damnit. He wanted to finish. Properly. And he wanted it to be with Phil.

He wanted it to be tonight. After everything they’d done, Dan thought he deserved a proper finish.

It was then that Phil’s legs tensed and his fingers gripped tight to Dan’s sides, digging fiercely in, and his hips jutted up hard into Dan’s ass. The condom prevented Dan from feeling Phil release inside of him, but the way Phil tensed, the way his face scrunched up, the way his eyes clamped even tighter, Dan could tell Phil was coming.

Phil’s mouth dropped open, and his head tilted back as he started to wheeze, “Dan, Dan, Dan,” falling from his lips like it hadn’t all night. Dan was pleasantly surprised at the words, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. All he knew was that he’d been the one to make Phil come, but he still wasn’t there. Not quite.

Yet.

“Please, please, please,” Dan began to beg no one in particular. His face radiated heat, and his breathing was completely uneven. Phil, despite his orgasm, didn’t make Dan stop fucking up and down on his dick, for which Dan was insanely grateful, and he just kept going.

“Sorry,” Phil stuttered out, releasing his tight hold on Dan’s sides. His legs relaxed under Dan’s grip as well, and he winced a little at what Dan assumed was a very over sensitive dick, but he didn’t ask Dan to stop. “Didn’t mea - mean to… finish first,” he gasped.

Dan shook his head. He didn’t care. It was normal, for him.

“Used to it,” Dan gasped.

Phil frowned, and shook his head, but he looked almost too tired to properly argue. Still, he tried. Through panting breaths, he managed, “Wanted to be different.”

Dan’s heart nearly melted at that. He was so fucking disoriented at this point that he didn’t know what was up and what was down, but he did know what Phil was saying, and he didn’t know what was more amazing: the fact that Phil cared so much, or the feeling of his dick in Dan’s arse.

It didn’t seem to matter, though, because Dan’s body started convulsing, then. For a moment, Dan was terrified.

What was happening? He didn’t know. He slowed his thrusts down on Phil’s body, grinding down hard on his dick when Phil’s head nudged at his prostate again, and then it happened.

Dan’s body seem to unfurl, and he screamed as an unfamiliar sensation rocked through him. His cock jerked, and Dan thought he could feel himself releasing, but he was too far gone, too far lost on the crest of his orgasm as it ripped through him. Phil hadn’t been lying - Dan could definitely tell when he came.

He rocked his hips down harder and harder, chasing the sensation of finally letting go. His body was on fire and he just wanted to chase this feeling, to never let it go. Is this what he’d been missing for so long? He couldn’t believe he’d been denied this.

Dan was unsure how long it happened. He knew that his ex-girlfriend used to be done after a matter of seconds, less than a minute for sure, but Dan - Dan could have sworn his went on for longer. It felt like his body didn't want to _stop_ as he let go of Phil’s thighs and fell forward, arse clenching around Phil’s length, shuddering on top of Phil. Dan thought he felt Phil’s arms move to wrap around him, but he wasn't sure. He was too busy jerking against him, vision starting to swim as ecstasy washed through him.

The pleasure was almost too much. It wracked through his body in ongoing, relentless spurts, waves of euphoria washing over him.

Slowly, the sensations subsided and Dan melted, content.

He felt his body release and then relax as he went pliant on top of Phil. Phil jostled them around a little, rolling so they were both on their sides and Dan was tucked into his chest. His arms were definitely around Dan now, as he held him close and slipped his dick from Dan’s bum. The feeling was strange, and caused Dan to wince, but it was nothing compared to the sensation of Phil retracting his arms from Dan and pulling away.

Dan whined, upset, but Phil shushed him. Dan didn’t have the energy to open his eyes and find out what Phil was doing, but from the sounds he was making, Dan had a good guess. It sounded like Phil was pulling the condom off, and tying it up so he could throw it in the trash.

Dan didn’t know where the trash was, but he sure as hell hoped it didn’t require Phil getting out of bed.

Evidently, it didn’t, because seconds later, Phil’s arms wrapped back around Dan, pulling him in close once again.

The feeling was heavenly. Dan was bone dead tired, and all he wanted was sleep, but not without Phil. He wanted Phil wrapped around him, just like this. Forever, preferably.

Phil’s fingers traced soft patterns against Dan’s back, and he dropped a sweet kiss to the top of Dan’s head. It was every intimate gesture that Dan had ever wanted, but he didn’t know if it meant anything to Phil. He wanted to believe it did, but this man was known for one night stands. He’d never been in love. Not like Dan.

God, how he wished Phil could love him the same way that Dan loved Phil. Dan’s heart was racing, his chest was heaving, and Phil was there, holding him in his arms, but if tonight had shown Dan anything, it was that he still wanted more. He was filled with a sensation of warm thankfulness, and an aching disappointment that he couldn’t dispel.

He wished that he could just… just… tell Phil how he felt.

“Phil,” Dan whispered, snuggling closer. If this was the only time he got to have Phil like this, docile and calm around him, he’d take it.

“Mm?” Phil mumbled back, face tucked into Dan’s hair. The fact that Phil was here was everything. Dan didn’t really need to push for more, did he?

When Dan didn’t immediately answer, Phil tightened his grip on Dan, pulling him impossibly closer into his chest. His fingers traced light patterns up and down Dan’s spine, a familiar sensation to the way Phil had touched him earlier, but so much… _more tender_. Phil’s leg lifted to cross over Dan’s, interlocking their ankles. Before Dan could process what was happening, he found that his body was intertwined with Phil’s in a way it had never been with anyone else.

Not even with his ex-girlfriend. They’d never curled up together like this. Not this tightly. Not this intimately.

“Nothing,” Dan said, finally. The words he wanted to say wouldn’t come, not when Phil was holding him like this. Not when there was so much at stake. Not when Dan felt as good as he did.

“Just. Thank you.”

Dan thought he felt Phil smile.

“Anything for you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [@imnotinclinedtomaturity](http://imnotinclinedtomaturity.tumblr.com) is the best person ever for helping me to deal with this monster of a fic :)) I’m throwing another 15K chapter at you guy’s, and popping in to let you know I accidentally wrote a chapter 6 so I guess you’re getting more content who knew! Lol. Thank you for all your wonderful comments and feedback, I had no idea this would garner so much positivity and be so helpful to some beautiful souls, so thank you and I hope this continues to make you guys happy. Chapter 5 will be out either Monday or Tuesday depending on my ability to edit!

When Dan woke up, he could feel that his entire body was sore. There were parts of him that he hadn’t even realized could ache like this - namely, his arse. It was painfully evident that Dan had had sex last night, but in the strangest of ways, it was an invigorating sensation as well. There was something deep inside of Dan that felt sated for the first time in his life, and he was willing to bet it was the fact that he’d finally come.

 _Fuck_. Dan had reached orgasm last night, and it was all thanks to _Phil_. He still couldn't quite believe it. He couldn’t even properly remember what had happened afterwards, it had been so good. He must have knocked out immediately, there was no other explanation. He just remembered how good he’d felt, how euphoric, how _spent_ , and then Phil had wrapped Dan up in his arms, and Dan had…

Passed out.

Apparently.

There was something else pressing at the back of Dan’s mind, but he was so fucking tired still that it felt like grasping at straws while drunk to try and remember it. He didn’t think he’d just passed out, but he couldn’t quite recall…

Whatever. Who needed a brain when they’d just woken up, anyway. Dan was far too comfortable right now as it was. His entire body was more relaxed than Dan could ever remember it being, and despite the aches and pains of his body, he felt _good._

Better than he’d ever felt after a night of sex. But then again, he _had_ apparently released 18 years of pent up arousal last night, so was he really surprised?

No, not really.

Deciding that thinking could wait until later, Dan snuggled down into the pillow his head was propped on, and let himself drift for a little while longer. There was no reason he needed to get up right now anyway. He was at Phil’s house, alone, with no responsibilities to worry about and no plans to catch up on.

Hold on, wait.

Alone.

Dan wasn’t alone.

Phil’s parents weren’t home, sure, but Dan wasn’t _alone_. The heavy weight pressed against his back informed him of that, and as Dan became more and more aware of his surroundings, the arm tossed over his waist became a pretty good indication as well.

Holy shit.

Was Phil… cuddling him?

The realization was enough to jostle the rest of Dan’s brain into becoming alert. His previously relaxed body went tense with terror. He recalled Phil holding him last night after they’d fucked, but he’d just thought it was the moment. He hadn’t expected to wake up curled in Phil’s arms - not that Dan was complaining, but, like.

Phil wasn’t into him like that.

Right?

He could feel his heart squeezing in his chest uncomfortably, a hefty reminder of Dan’s feelings for the man currently wrapped around him. He wanted so badly to believe that any of the more intimate, sincere moments from last night had meant something more to Phil, that they were a sign Dan should take and grab onto as a reminder that this _could_ be real. But it was hard to convince his brain to do that when Dan was so afraid to get his hopes up, only to learn that it really had meant _nothing_.

How could that have meant nothing, though? What they’d shared last night… fuck, Dan shivered just thinking about it. It’d been so good, and Dan couldn’t make himself believe he was the only one who’d thought that. Surely, surely… Phil had felt it too?

As Dan lay there, trying to muddle through his own brain and decide what in the world was going on, the niggling memories he’d felt pressing at his mind earlier began to slip through whatever sleep barrier that had previously remained.

He’d _definitely_ been fucking spent after he’d orgasmed. Dan could remember slumping on top of Phil, but they obviously hadn’t stayed like that. If Dan was recalling correctly, Phil had rolled them over and curled up around Dan after disposing of the used condom. But then, he’d kissed the top of Dan’s head…

He’d kissed Dan.

And not in a sexual way. There was no way Dan could convince even _his_ brain otherwise. That had been the touch of a romantic partner, not - not -

Dan felt his face start to flush. God, what was Phil doing to him? It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that Phil could give him moments like this, when Dan was terrified that after tonight, it would all end.

The illusion of Dan actually mattering to Phil _romantically_ could so easily shatter as soon as Phil woke up and pulled his arms away from Dan, and the next night spent in Phil’s home would turn awkward. Dan would sleep on the floor to avoid the sexual tension that would inevitably cloud the rest of their friendship, and despite Phil’s promises that he wouldn’t let anything ruin what they had, Dan feared that he’d lose his best friend. How long would the tension last? Would Dan ever forget what it had felt like to be _that_ intimate with Phil? Would he ever have another orgasm, let alone one as intense as last nights?

Fuck. Had Dan made a mistake?

He didn’t know.

Yesterday, it had felt like a once in a lifetime opportunity to have sex with Phil, an opportunity that Dan couldn’t just _pass up_. At the time, having Phil just once had seemed like a bearable arrangement to Dan’s compromised heart. And after the sex, after all that Phil had done to help push Dan to that edge, never once complaining about having his own needs so aggressively ignored in favor of Dan’s, Dan couldn’t bring himself to truly regret it. But now. Now… Dan wasn’t so sure he’d made the right decision in letting himself have this.

He just hadn’t been expecting Phil to be a cuddler.

Hadn’t he told Dan that he usually sent his partners home afterwards? Sure, Dan had been invited to stay over for _three days_ , but Phil didn’t have to curl up with him. He could have just as easily of rolled over and put his back to Dan’s, except -

Dan groaned as he remembered the mess they’d left on the bed last night. All the preparation, not to mention the normal messes that came with sex, meant Dan had likely passed out without helping Phil to clean up.

Dan could hardly blame Phil if he’d passed out just as quickly after what Dan had put him through, so it would make sense if he’d just kind of… left it. Suddenly, the idea of rolling over terrified Dan. He really, really didn’t want to roll into… _that_.

But that still didn’t explain Phil being wrapped around him. No matter how much Dan wanted to will away the hope currently blooming in his belly, he couldn’t. It was impossible, when everything that Phil was doing right now felt like… he wanted Dan too.

Hadn’t something else happened last night? Dan wracked his thoughts for some kind of memory, and nearly gasped when he realized that Phil had been holding him _all night_. Dan remembered thinking that he should just up and tell Phil just how much he meant to him, and then he’d chickened out, but _Phil_ … Phil had curled up tight around Dan like he never wanted to let go, and had promised Dan _anything for you_ when Dan had thanked him for helping him.

That… that could _not_ possibly be explained away by any of Dan’s nervous thoughts. Surely, _surely_ , then… Did Phil like him too?

The possibility was enough to light some part of Dan on fire, and he found himself forcibly opening his eyes to take stock of his predicament. He needed to see this with his own two eyes, and stop hiding from the possibility.

The first thing Dan noticed was that Phil _must_ have cleaned up, because there was no incriminating evidence of their escapades from last night on the bed. Dan could tell because he and Phil had migrated to the middle of the mattress, and the sheets were shoved down to the bottom, leaving _nothing_ to the imagination, and even less hidden. The only other thing on the bed were pillows, most of which Dan had his face smushed against, so there was exactly zero chance of Dan rolling into anything.

Thank god.

Deciding that now was as good a time as any to test that theory, Dan sort of shifted, intending to roll against Phil and look at him properly, but Phil wasn’t having that. In his sleep, he made a grumbly little disappointed sound, and wrapped himself tighter around Dan.

The motion forced Dan to realize that he and Phil were very much so entwined bodily.

Phil’s face was practically tucked into Dan’s neck, and he’d situated one of his legs between Dan’s so that Dan was using it as a body pillow. His arms, of course, were wrapped tightly around Dan’s waist, holding on so warmly that Dan wanted to sink into the feeling.

Overall, it was invigorating. Dan couldn’t comprehend just how loved he felt behind held like this, and it _hurt_. It hurt more than he could say, because he wanted it to be real.

A tiny voice in the back of his head was telling him that maybe it _was_ , and Dan couldn’t help letting himself drift into that new possibility.

Eyes slipping closed once more, Dan was content to just lie in this moment forever. He knew, logically, that he should get up and uhm… shower, because he was pretty sure he and Phil were covered in Dan’s sweat, not to mention his _come_ , but he didn’t want to leave the bed just yet.

It just felt so good being close to Phil like this, and held onto like he meant something. Dan wanted to soak in this moment as a reminder that maybe, just maybe, Dan could have this more than once. He could feel himself beginning to smile, the tiniest quirk of the lips, just from the pure affection he currently felt.

Being with Phil… what a novel idea. Dan wanted it more than he could say, and he hoped that Phil wanted Dan too.

Maybe, when he woke up, Dan would ask him…

Fully intent on letting himself drift back to sleep, Dan squished himself backwards against Phil’s bare chest, and settled in for a little nap. Unfortunately for him, all of his previous movements combined with this last attempt to cuddle Phil _back_ appeared to be too much for Phil, as he began to stir, and let out a massive yawn against the back of Dan’s neck, very clearly starting to wake up.

Dan tried not to feel too disappointed. His heart, on the other hand, jumped in his chest, a combination of anticipation and nervousness. Was Phil going to pull away?

No, apparently he wasn’t. Quite the opposite, really. Instead of removing his arms from Dan’s abdomen, he tightened them, and hummed against the back of Dan’s neck. It was an entirely pleasant, welcome development that Dan hadn’t quite let himself hope for. Relaxing into the touch, Dan tried to settle his beating heart.

Of course, that was when Phil decided to press his lips to Dan’s neck. Dan shivered, surprised by the kiss, and felt his body start to wake up. Phil’s kisses were gentle, seemingly uncoordinated with sleep, but before long, they became a little something _more_ , and Dan found his body stirring in interest. He didn’t even know how that was possible, after all that he’d gone through last night, but it _was_ , and Dan let out a soft little whimper in reaction.

“Mmm, morning,” Phil rumbled against the back of Dan’s neck. It was clear that he was smiling against Dan’s skin, a reassuring action that made Dan feel better about the fact that he never wanted Phil to stop kissing him.

When had Phil stopped acting like the know-it-all sex god Dan considered him to be, and turned into this soft person laying against his back? Sometime last night, Phil’s smirks had made way to smiles and clear concern for Dan’s pleasure, for his happiness, and Dan didn’t know how he’d missed it. It suddenly seemed like the most obvious thing in the world.

Dan’s heart launched into his throat, and he finally let himself give in to hope.

“Morning,” Dan gasped back. Phil’s lips were still on his neck, and his hands were wandering around Dan’s waist. One was rubbing soothing circles into Dan’s stomach, and the other was starting to trail up and down his chest, never once touching Dan’s nipples, but _skimming right next to them_. It was… arousing to say the least.

Who had morning sex if it didn’t mean anything to them?

Phil chuckled against the back of Dan’s neck, and opened his mouth, starting to leisurely suck at Dan’s skin. HIs hands didn’t stop moving, drawing closer and closer to Dan’s nipples, but always just managing to evade the touch. Dan could feel goosebumps forming on his skin, not to mention the sensation of arousal pumping through his veins.

He’d never woken up to a feeling quite like this before. Sure, he’d had sex dreams, and woke up with morning wood, but never had he been touched like this and reminded of just how sexy someone thought he was. Never when he knew that the person who was touching him could actually make him _come_.

Dan tried to roll around in Phil’s arms, but Phil stopped him. He held tighter to Dan, pushed him into place, and mouthed down his neck and over his still bare shoulder. Shit, they were both still completely naked. Was that weird? Dan didn’t want that to be weird. In fact, other parts of him were very much so excited about that prospect.

“Phil,” Dan gasped, when Phil bit down on a part of Dan that had never really been touched before, lips trailing across the large expanse of Dan’s back. His girlfriend has never really touched there, before. She’d never tried to touch every bit of Dan’s skin like Phil seemed to be trying to do, had never bothered with kissing Dan’s back since Dan never really cuddled with her, never really exposed that part of himself to her.

“Hmm?” Phil asked, never once stilling the movement of his lips. He allowed them to sweep back and forth across Dan’s shoulder blades, kissing across the bone, like he wanted to touch all of him, and it was making Dan’s head fuzzy with desire. Phil’s body, too, was shifting downwards on the bed, the leg pressed between Dan’s pulling back so that Phil could better situate himself. When he was finally where he wanted, Phil tossed that leg over top of Dan’s, and pushed him even further onto his side, until Dan was practically laying on his stomach with his dick squished into Phil’s sheets.

Dan didn’t argue. The movement caused Phil’s cock to slot into the cleft of Dan’s arse, and _fuck_ was it clear what Phil wanted.

Dan wanted it too.

“Are we gonna…?” Dan asked, a little breathless, a little hesitant.

Phil hummed a soft sound, and kissed Dan’s back a few more times before drawing his lips away.

“If you want to,” he said. One of his arms was now effectively trapped under Dan’s body, but the other glided down from where it had been teasing but not quite touching Dan’s nipples, to settle gently on the curve of his hip. “I’d love to make you come again. You looked so beautiful, Dan…” Phil’s voice, already rough with sleep, seemed to grow huskier with the words. Dan found himself letting out a huge gust of breath, and then holding tight to what he had left.

Shit, did he want too. He wanted to let Phil fuck him every day for the rest of his life, if he were given the chance.

“Oh god,” Dan whispered, groaning. His hips jerked into the sheets, and he realized his cock was definitely rock hard, now. He really wanted too. “Please, Phil, I -”

“Shhh,” Phil whispered back, the sound soft as Phil got up and leaned over Dan’s face to press a kiss to his exposed cheek. The touch was surprisingly intimate in a very non-sexual way, and made Dan’s eyes fly open in surprise. Phil wasn’t at all phased by what he’d just done, though, leaning back to press even more kisses along Dan’s shoulder. Phil wiggled his trapped arm out from under Dan, and pulled away from Dan’s body in order to help him roll over so he was laying properly on his stomach.

“Wanna try it like this. Wanna see how many ways I can make you feel good. Okay?” Phil asked.

Dan could only moan in response. A familiar sensation of heat was growing in his stomach, and despite the fact that they’d done literally nothing yet, Dan was panting. Nodding his head vigorously so that Phil would know Dan was _definitely_ okay with that, Dan shifted his body back on the bed, and tried to get up on his knees.

Phil’s hand found the small of his back, and pushed him back down.

“No, don’t. Just like this,” Phil whispered, climbing over top of Dan, and resting his body against Dan’s back. Dan felt Phil’s erection push between his arse again, and sighed at the wonderful feeling. He hadn’t known that another man’s dick could feel so good, but Phil’s did.

God, did Phil’s feel good.

“I want to make you come just like this,” Phil whispered, leaning in close to Dan’s ear. Dan shuddered at the words, and Phil moved to kiss along Dan’s neck. He wasn’t touching Dan’s back with his hands anymore, fumbling for something on the bed instead, but Dan didn’t care. His hips were moving gently on top of Dan, massaging the head of his cock against Dan’s arse, and that was everything.

If Phil could just touch him from now until eternity, that’d be wonderful.

“Fuck,” Phil grunted, shifting up until he was no longer laying on Dan’s back. Dan made a bewildered sound in return, because the curse hadn’t sounded like one of passion. It had sounded like one of frustration. “Condoms. Lube. Hold on,” Phil explained, very regretfully climbing off of Dan. Dan groaned, and shoved his arse back, wishing they didn’t need either one of those things.

Wasn’t he still loose from last night? Dan didn’t really know how anal sex worked, but he _felt_ open, and if he _felt open_ didn’t that mean Phil could just - not bother?

Groaning in dissatisfaction, Dan felt his body relax back into the sheets, realizing there was no imminent gratification coming. His cock rubbed against the fabric, though, and that sent a spark of pleasure down Dan’s spine that made him moan.

“Hey,” Phil complained playfully, “Don’t have too much fun without me,” he teased. Dan turned his head to find that Phil was currently digging around on the floor looking for the condoms and the lube he’d probably shoved off the bed last night, and leaned over when he found them.

The movement gave Dan a good view of Phil’s body in action, and it was far from sexy. Contrary to popular belief that being so into someone could make every single movement of their body sexy, Phil’s stomach rolled somewhat unattractively, and his bum jiggled, but that didn’t lesson that atmosphere for Dan in the least.

No. Instead, it made everything feel ten times more intimate. For Phil to feel comfortable enough to just… move around naked while Dan watched, it seemed like something far more serious to both of them.

Phil wasn’t trying to be that cocky flirt he always was over skype. He was just being Phil.

“Hurry up,” Dan whined, as soon as Phil straightened back up. He rolled his hips against the bed despite knowing, now, that direct stimulation was never going to get him an orgasm, just to tease Phil. “Or I’ll get started without you.”

The soft comment said in Dan’s own whiny, high pitched voice, clearly desperate for more sex, made Phil laugh. The expression caused his face to scrunch up, and his tongue to stick out between his teeth, before he climbed back on top of Dan and Dan was no longer able to see it.

This is what sex with your best friend should feel like - simple, and easy. Reassuring. Like you could be yourself.

Yeah. He and Phil were going to be okay, Dan was sure of it. They couldn’t fuck like this and _not_ be okay.

Once settled on Dan’s upper thighs, Phil opened the bottle of lube, if the popping cap sound was any indication. Dan hadn’t heard the sound of a condom wrapper being opened, though, so he turned his head as best he could to find that Phil was rubbing lube over his fingers the way he had over his gloved one’s last night.

He wasn’t going to - not without a - _right_!?

“Phil!” Dan squealed, when Phil leaned down to stretch him open _without a glove_. Phil startled at Dan’s voice, and turned to look up at Dan with wide eyes full of concern.

“What? Are you okay? Do you want to stop?”

Dan squirmed on the bed, cheeks flushing red.

“No! I just! What are you doing!?”

“...Prepping you? Dan, we can’t fuck without lube. I could tear something -”

“Then use a glove!” Dan nearly screeched, trying to wriggle his hips back against Phil and force him to stop. Phil didn’t move, though, staring down at Dan with the smallest of smiles. He looked almost… fond.

“Dan, it’s okay,” Phil soothed, leaning down to press a kiss to the small of Dan’s back. “Yesterday we didn’t have a big lunch, but I know you went to the restroom afterwards, so I mostly just used a glove on you to...avoid any excess? But we kind of didn’t have dinner last night, so I’m _pretty sure_ we’re in the clear. It’s fine, I promise,” he said, stroking soothing circles into Dan’s low back, where he’d moved his non-lubed hand the moment Dan had tensed up. “I really, really don’t want to have to get up and go to the bathroom for another glove right now.”

Dan wasn’t sure how to answer _that_. He didn’t really want Phil to leave, either. It had been bad enough when he’d climbed off of Dan to go look for the condoms, and that was just a few feet away. Dan didn’t want to break this perfect little bubble they’d created for themselves, and if Phil had to leave the room, then Dan thought it _might_. Besides - Phil looked so soft eyed with sleep, and it was _adorable_. Dan really, really wanted to experience great morning sex with Phil while he was still all soft around the edges like this.

Besides. Phil knew what he was doing… right?

After another moment, Dan slumped into the bed, and nodded his head.

“Fine,” he grumbled, and tried not to let his face go any more red when Phil chuckled softly at him. “Just… please, I want…” Dan didn’t bother to finish the statement. Phil knew what he wanted.

Phil whispered back a quick, “You’ll get it.”

Leaving one more wet kiss against Dan’s bare skin, Phil pulled back and went back to what he’d been doing before. Dan felt a finger caress his rim, and his body relaxed on instinct, just from remembering how good that had felt last night. As Phil eased the finger inside, only marginally faster than he had the first time, he leaned back over Dan’s body and began peppering his back in kisses once more.

Dan allowed it. How could he not? The fact that Phil wanted to have sex again so soon after yesterday was continuing to amaze him, but the fact that Phil wanted to kiss all of his exposed skin, too? That was - nothing short of amazing.

That familiar sensation of being totally, irrevocably in love was surging through Dan at the same time as pleasure began to drum through his veins. The slow drag of Phil’s finger was _wonderful_ inside of Dan, and he even managed to make himself forget that Phil was doing it bare handed.

Whatever. He could wash his hands later, it was fine. Maybe they could shower together.

 _Fuuuck_ , Dan would die to shower together. You couldn’t get much more intimate than cleaning each other up, right? Or at least, not in Dan’s mind - not that he’d ever been lucky enough to do such a thing. It just sounded… amazing.

“Look at you,” Phil whispered against Dan’s back. “You’re so beautiful, god, I can’t believe-” Phil didn’t finish his sentence. He cut himself off, groaning and instead placing more open mouthed kisses to Dan’s back. Dan suspected he’d have a few love bites hidden there by the time this was over if Phil kept biting down and sucking like he was.

As the feeling of Phil prepping him became more and more intense, Dan let his hips roll into the action. He was more cautious than he’d been yesterday, letting himself work up to pushing back on Phil’s finger, rather than tensing up unduly and hurting himself, but it was good. His hips rocked back, and Phil stroked his other hand over Dan’s bum, fingers far more gentle than Dan had expected them to be.

He was used to people grabbing his bum, not caressing it like he was something precious.

One day, Dan wanted to have really rough, passionate sex with Phil if Phil would let him, but this morning…

Slowly, Phil drew his finger free from Dan, and moved to lube up a second. Dan did his best not to look behind him, not wanting to know if he’d gotten Phil dirty, and Phil didn’t let him know. Instead, he moved fairly quickly for someone who’d only just woken up, and inserted the second finger in alongside the first as soon as it was prepped.

Then, Phil went back to kissing up and down Dan’s back, only this time, he stretched his body forward so he could get at Dan’s shoulders a bit more, though he wasn’t quite able to extend himself up enough to reach Dan’s neck, even with the added height Phil had over Dan. Dan didn’t mind. The feeling of Phil’s mouth anywhere on him was glorious, and kept him in a dazed kind of half awareness that was mostly just pleasure.

His hips kept rocking on their own, cock brushing tantalizingly against Phil’s sheets, but not enough to make him feel overstimulated. It was just nice. Everything about this was nice, and as Phil pressed in deeper, clearly looking for that spot inside of Dan that had made him feel so good last night, Dan just kind of gave into it.

He could feel himself smiling, drooling a little as he let out a small stream of whimpers. Everything felt an equal amount of more intense this morning, and more leisurely. There wasn’t that same sense of urgency from yesterday, which made everything so completely different than before. Last night had been amazing, but this was just as good.

As Phil’s fingers probed deeper, Dan arched his bum backwards, trying to help Phil find that spot inside of him. It took a little maneuvering, but eventually, Phil’s fingers bumped into something Dan thought he recognized. A little spark of pleasure rushed through Dan, and his hips stuttered at the sensation. Instantly, Phil tilted his hand upwards so that his fingers could more properly rub against Dan’s prostate, and started to massage against it in small circles.

Only, the intense pleasure Dan remembered from last night didn’t fill his core. After the initial surprised zing, there was… almost nothing, except a strange boiling sensation like Dan’s body was trying to work up to something.

Fuck. Had last night been a fluke? Why didn’t it feel as good as he remembered? Dan was _pretty sure_ Phil was touching his prostate right now, but though the feeling was _nice_ , it was also just kind of… strange. Dan’s face scrunched up in confused worry. Had he done something wrong? Was the first time always the best, and Dan had squandered it away when he’d asked Phil to fuck him instead?

No. Dan couldn’t think like that. Having Phil inside of him for his first orgasm… Dan could never regret that, even if he _did_ miss the feeling of - oh, _oh_.

As Phil kept massaging his fingers over the nerve, an intense bout of pleasure began to run alongside the touch, slow moving but very much so _there_ , and somehow so much more intense from the slowly ricocheting intensity.

It was the same feeling that Dan had experienced yesterday. His eyes went wide, and his mouth opened in a little “o” as the pleasure began to course through him.

Oh _fuck_.

Clearly, clearly Dan just needed to learn to be patient.

He let out a moan, much louder than any other noise he’d made all morning, and canted his hips backwards, and then forwards, so his arse pushed into the sensation, and then his cock brushed against the sheets. The movement was beyond arousing, and made Dan feel like he was riding a high he’d never felt before, so he kept doing it while Phil moved his fingers in little circles, occasionally spreading them apart a little like he was trying to stretch Dan.

At that point, Dan didn’t care. All he could think about was how good he felt, and the surging feeling moving through his belly, his balls, and his dick. Mind half hazy with the the amazing sensation, Dan let his body move on its own accord. His hands bunched up in the sheets under him, digging in hard, as his body jerked and rode backwards on Phil’s fingers.

It was good. It was _sooo_ good, and part of Dan wanted it to never end. Phil had promised him a prostate massage that he’d put off last night in favor of getting fucked, but this was quickly making up for it. Dan didn’t want Phil to go _too_ far, much preferring the feeling of Phil inside of him, but god, he couldn’t deny that this was amazing.

Streams of half-murmured noises kept slipping from Dan’s lips, and god, was he loud. He’d not even been this loud with his girlfriend in the past. These last two days, Dan had found out just how loud he could be. He’d used to joke he was loud, but _wow_.

No wonder Phil wanted to go again. Dan was aware he sounded really, really _good_.

Eventually, Phil pulled his fingers free from Dan, and with a soft curse, moved to fumble around behind him. The feeling made Dan whine a little, and he opened his eyes to peer over his shoulder in disappointment, only to realize that Phil was trying to get the condom on over his own dick, hands shaking just as hard as yesterday.

Why were Phil’s hands always shaking when they had sex?

Dan wanted that to be another sign that this… that this was more than sex to Phil, that it was more than anything Phil had had with anyone else, but he wasn’t going to push it right now. He just wanted to focus on this, to indulge in the moment. Later, he promised himself, he’d kiss Phil like he meant it and make _sure_ that Phil knew how Dan felt.

“Hurry,” Dan murmured, turning back around to bury his face in the pillow. He could feel his dick twitching angrly now that the pleasure had stopped. Dan couldn’t blame it, but he knew that something better was quick to come. Dan heard the click of the lube cap again, followed by the wet sound of Phil slicking himself up. Phil let out a soft whining sound, no louder than any other sound he’d ever made, and _fuck him_ for being quiet during sex.

The soft sound went straight to Dan’s dick, though, and he rolled his hips forward into the bed, shuddering as his cock throbbed at the sensation. He just wanted Phil inside of him already, but Phil was taking so _long_. Don’t get him wrong, Dan was glad Phil was being so careful with him, but _fuck_. The hazy feeling of desperation was starting to make itself known, and Dan was afraid that he’d plateau and become over sensitive if Phil didn’t get _inside_ of him soon.

Phil was finally ready, though. His hands found Dan’s hips, and Dan had to hold himself back from tensing in anticipation. He knew what was coming, and he _wanted_ it. Warm, sticky fingers stroked over Dan’s hip, and Phil moved to slot his dick between Dan’s cheeks. Then, Phil just kind of… rocked there for a moment, holding Dan, petting him, _feeling_ , before he finally removed one hand and presumably reached down for his dick.

The other hand shifted from Dan’s hip to his butt, pulling at his cheek slightly so that his rim was exposed, and Dan would be open to Phil’s searching dick.

“Jesus,” Phil cursed, voice high pitched and wanton. Dan let out a soft laugh in response. Phil sounded fucking _wrecked_ and Dan was living for it. Last night, he’d been embarrassed at the idea of Phil staring at his literal butt, but today? Today it made Dan feel _good_ , because just that sight alone was turning Phil on.

Slowly, Phil began to move. The tip of his cock found Dan’s rim, and began to open him up as it nudged inside.

Just like last night, the movements were slow. This time, however, Phil was in charge, and Dan couldn’t bring himself to care. He lay pliant under Phil and let him have his way with him, let him take Dan at his own pace, trusting him to never hurt Dan.

Phil didn’t.

He kept his pace as slow as he could, jerking and twitching from time to time with soft little grunts that told Dan just how much pleasure he was feeling, but he never hurt Dan. The hand that Dan assumed had been guiding Phil’s dick into Dan’s body moved, and started to stroke along Dan’s spine, before finally moving to the bed next to Dan in order to hold Phil up.

Phil’s body was almost flush along Dan’s, now. He was panting, just like Dan, and Dan could feel his hips shaking with the effort required to take this slow, to hold himself up on his elbows and knees over Dan, to keep himself still enough to not cause any harm. Dan was so fucking grateful to Phil. He wanted to push back, to take all of him, to show Phil that it was okay, but he knew that Phil was just trying to protect him, and Dan would never do anything to sabotage that.

So he let Phil take him nice and slow, hips moving in little bursts, cock dragging against Dan’s inside walls. It was glorious, and Dan could feel his cock leaking precum already, having not been touched at all. Yeah… yeah this was the way to get Dan off. Maybe it wouldn’t take hours everytime, now. Maybe Dan just needed to get fucked.

 _Fuck_.

Finally, Phil bottomed out, groaning as he collapsed on top of Dan, his hips twitching, legs shaking. Both hands had moved to prop himself up on the bed now, but he wasn't even trying not to rest some of his weight against Dan’s back. Dan didn’t mind. In fact, he was pleasantly surprised by the feeling. He wanted to be attached to Phil like this always.

“Gonna - move,” Phil gasped after a few moments of holding himself still, pressed all the way inside of Dan, and maintaining such an incredible amount of self control that Dan thought he owed Phil a million blowjobs in thanks.

Breathless with need, Dan merely nodded into the pillows again, let out a moan that almost sounded like a yes, and shoved his body up for more.

Phil took that as a yes.

He started rocking into Dan, movements languid, but passionate. It was exactly what Dan hadn’t known he’d needed, and he moaned steadily as Phil kept rocking against him. Phil placed his lips to the back of Dan’s neck now that he was pressed along the entire expanse of his back, and panted against his skin.

Phil didn’t appear to have anything else to say. He just kept letting out soft little grunts while he fucked into Dan, shifting his hips a few times until Dan let out a high pitched squeal because Phil had found his prostate, and then continued to fuck Dan at that angle with that same easy force he’d been using since he’d pushed inside. Dan felt his eyes roll to the back of his head, everything about this so much different and yet just as fucking _good_ as last night.

He couldn’t believe this was happening to him. He wanted to drown in this feeling and never let it go.

He was panting, grunting, wheezing as his cock rubbed against the sheets, and Phil rubbed against his prostate. His hands scrambled for purchase on the covers, but he kept finding his fingers slipping as Phil moved their bodies on the bed, never once letting Dan settle. With every twitch of Phil’s hips, came a twitch of Dan’s dick, and with every pulse of Dan’s prostate, came another spurt of precum.

He could feel the intensity beginning to climb in him. He didn’t know how long he was going to last, how long _Phil_ was going to last, but Dan never wanted it to end. He felt like he was drowning in the best way, pleasure rushing through his veins until it was all that Dan knew. His body began to shake under Phil’s, hips jerking against the sheets below, but Phil never once sped up his thrusts.

It felt… romantic. It felt like so much _more_ than last night, felt like passion and affection and _love_. Phil’s every touch was calculated, easy, _right_. Despite the way Dan could feel Phil shaking too, despite the way Phil appeared to be holding himself back, he was clearly enjoying himself at the same time. He didn’t seem to _want_ to rush, and Dan wasn’t sure anymore that that was just for Dan’s pleasure.

He didn’t think it was possible it could _just be_ for his own chance to reach orgasm. It was clear that the slow pace was for Phil, for _them_. Like it meant something. Like it was a demonstration of affection. Like Phil wanted to make love to Dan.

“God,” Phil gasped against Dan’s neck, shifting on top of him, and angling his hips a little. Phil fumbled and lost his footing, before seeming to figure out how he wanted to do this, arching over Dan and shifting so he was braced on one knee. Chest still pressed to Dan’s back, Phil started fucking him again, this time _somehow_ managing to push in deeper. Each stroke of his cock ran alongside Dan’s prostate, nudging it over and over again, and going _further_ each time until Dan could feel his balls pulling up tight against him. He was starting to shake, the intensity of his pleasure increasing with every movement.

Dan could feel himself starting to reach that place where he usually plateau’d, when the pleasure became too much and he ended up oversensitized and desperate to just _stop_ , orgasm or not. This time, though, this time the pleasure just kept building, faster and more intense than even last night, until Dan knew that he was going to make it. Again. Phil was going to fuck him to orgasm _again._

Phil grunted, and kept pushing into Dan, working him over as best as he could while Dan just laid there and took it. It felt so good, Dan could hardly move. He thought he could feel himself gyrating against Phil’s bed sheets, but it was hard to tell anymore when he was so fucking _gone_ from pleasure. His mind was hazy, but he could feel it this time.

He could feel his orgasm coming. He was going to come. He was going to _come_ , and it hadn’t required anything other than Phil’s dick deep inside of him. God, this was the secret then. Dan still seemed to be difficult to please, but at least now he knew he _could be_. He’d just needed the right lover all along.

“Phil,” Dan groaned, “Phil, Phil, Phil,” he chanted, body tensing, stomach coiling, balls _bursting_ -

Phil kissed messily at the back of Dan’s neck.

“Come for me,” he demanded, the words dark and desperate.

Dan did. He wasn’t expecting it to come quite so soon, but he _did_. He was sure it had still taken longer than it would have for pretty much _anyone_ else, but he finished far faster than he had yesterday. A small part of Dan’s brain was grateful for that because it meant that Dan wouldn’t have to wait until he and Phil had _hours_ to spend on his pleasure in the future, but he was also kind of disappointed.

Because it meant Phil wouldn’t have to work him over as hard as he had yesterday, and Dan was afraid that Phil would never do it again if he didn’t have to. He hoped that he would.

As Dan’s orgasm rushed over him, all the tension that had been coiling inside of him suddenly let go. Like yesterday, Dan felt himself go boneless as the orgasm ran through him, body spasming form the force, and just like yesterday, Dan felt like he could pass out from the feeling alone. It was absolutely glorious, shattering every other sensation Dan had ever considered good, and replacing it with just this. Just this. Nothing was ever going to be able to compare to the pleasure of an orgasm.

Unlike yesterday, Phil didn’t finish first. Dan could tell, because as he was coming down from his own orgasm, he could hear Phil grunting as he continued to fuck into Dan, rhythm a bit more disturbed now, and thrusts less controlled. He wasn’t aiming for Dan’s prostate anymore, which Dan was suddenly thankful for, but he was definitely straining for relief.

Dan was overcome with a wave of happiness.

Phil had said he’d wanted to make Dan come first last night, and now he had.

For the first time in his life, Dan had come first.

He nearly moaned again at the thought, but he was too breathless for that. Instead, he managed a small wheeze through his gasping breaths, and waited for Phil to push himself over the edge.

It didn’t take very long. Phil must have been holding back and _god_ was that a thought Dan was going to have to hold onto for later. When Phil did come, however, it was with a loud moan. Dan was shocked at the _volume_ of Phil, which made Dan practically purr in pleasure, pleased that _he_ had drawn that loud sound out of him. Finally. Phil’s teeth dragged against Dan’s neck, his hips jerking hard into Dan and stilling as deep inside of him as they could. The tip of his dick pressed hard into Dan’s prostate, and Dan cried out, over sensitive and yet unfairly _okay with it_.

“Fu _ck Dan_ ,” Phil cried out, scrabbling at the bed, and finally finding Dan’s hands. As his body rested fully along the length of Dan’s back, and his face fell against his neck, Phil’s fingers found Dan’s and managed to entwine them, Phil’s hands covering the top of Dan’s, and his fingers lacing between Dan’s.

It was everything that Dan had ever wanted.

He never wanted to let go.

**

They didn’t quite fall asleep again. Dan let his eyes droop closed, and he felt Phil shift on top of him, trying to pull out and away, but Dan didn’t let him. He had a feeling he’d regret it later, but he wasn’t ready to let Phil go, especially not with the way he was covering Dan’s body and holding his hands, so he held tight and forced Phil to stay in place.

Phil did so without complaint. Dan was pleasantly surprised. Phil’s body sunk back down against his, and he squeezed at Dan’s hands like it was a reassurance.

They laid like that until their breathing evened out, but they didn’t sleep. Or at least, Dan didn’t. He was pretty sure Phil didn’t either, based on the fact that he kept randomly pressing kisses to any part of Dan he could reach without moving. They didn’t speak either. They just kind of basked in each other’s presence, in the afterglow of a second round of sex in as many days,

Dan was… content. He’d never felt so perfect. Even with his ex-girlfriend, they’d never just laid like this afterwards. They’d never bonded in quite the same way that Dan felt like he was bonding with Phil, and it wasn’t _just_ the sex, or the fact that Dan had finally _come._

 _Twice_.

It was so much more. It was the way Phil touched him, the way he held onto Dan like Dan was something precious and important, the way that Phil curled up against him and kissed Dan lazily like he meant it. It was the fact that Phil had woken up and wanted nothing more than to touch Dan again, to be wrapped around him, folded against him, deep _inside of him_.

It was. Amazing.

Amazing, just like Phil.

The thought made Dan sputter out a laugh, the first sound other than their laboured breathing to pierce the silence since they’d settled down. Phil hummed against Dan, and managed a croaked out, “Was funny?”

“You,” Dan breathed back, grinning goofily into Phil’s pillow. “You’re amazing,” he added, and laughed again, the sound a broken giggle that made Dan groan and wince as it radiated down Dan’s back. His hips shifted as he realized what the problem was, and he flinched a bit as Phil’s cock shifted inside of him.

“Fuck,” Phil muttered, realizing at the same time as Dan did that he was not only still inside of Dan, but that it was hurting him. Squeezing Dan’s fingers one last time, Phil unlaced them so that he could move. Dan let him go this time, because he really, really needed Phil to get out of him now before Dan’s entire bum was set on fire. Phil did so without having to be asked, groaning as he moved, and flopped down next to Dan on the bed this time. Dan couldn’t see him, but he imagined Phil was pulling the condom off.

Dan didn’t bother to move. He stayed laying on his stomach, arse beginning to properly throb now that Phil wasn’t inside of him, the ache he’d felt that morning multiplied two fold now. If Dan was going to keep having sex with Phil, he was really going to need to work on that. Was there a way to prevent your bum from hurting after anal? Dan didn’t know, but he figured he was going to find out.

Because he sure as hell wasn’t giving _that_ sensation up. If the only way he could come was by having Phil buried deep his ass and his cock almost completely ignored, Dan was going to embrace it. He didn’t want to give it up now that he’d _figured out how to do it_.

The sound of elastic filled the room as Phil shifted around on the bed. Dan ignored it, closing his eyes again and settling more securely back into the covers.

“Come back to bed,” he mumbled once he had the energy.

Phil laughed. “I’m coming, needy. But we do need to get up soon. We, uh. Made a bit of a mess.”

Dan groaned. He didn’t want to think about getting up, let alone _cleaning_ up. Phil didn’t make him move right away, however. Instead, he climbed back into bed, and immediately shifted over to curl up with Dan. Unwilling to roll over, Dan just kind of laid there while Phil flopped an arm over his low back and pushed his face against Dan’s shoulder. Now that Phil was back, Dan turned his head so that he could face Phil for the first time all morning.

Phil was a sight to see. He was still all sleep rumpled, but now he was sweaty, too, and it was very clear what they’d gotten up to. Dan smiled a little, and closed his eyes.

“Mmm, how do you feel?” Phil asked, apparently having pulled himself together enough to actually communicate. Dan, on the other hand, kind of just wanted to go back to sleep. His body, on the other hand, wasn’t letting him. He was far too wired after the events of the morning.

“Amazing,” Dan mumbled back. He heard Phil laugh, and then he placed a kiss against Dan’s bare shoulder. Dan opened his eyes, intrigued at the gentle sight.

“Is that why you were laughing earlier?” he teased, “Thinking about _puns_ , Howell?”

“Shut up,” Dan mumbled back, giggling. “It was funny in the moment.”

Phil squeezed him tight around the waist, and didn’t argue. Dan was grateful, but mostly, he was grateful for the cuddles. He hadn’t thought he’d get this much. He’d been so convinced that this meant nothing to Phil, but now? Now, Dan thought that it must.

And he was glad for it.

“I wasn’t sure if that was going to work,” Phil admitted after a moment. His voice was hushed, and it took Dan a few moments to process what he’d even said. When he did, he shifted a little so that his mouth wasn’t quite so muffled by the pillow.

“What wasn’t going to work?”

“This…” Phil murmured. “Uhm. Any of it, really. Last night, this morning… _especially_ this morning. But I’m glad it did.” Phil kissed Dan’s shoulder again, his hand shifting on Dan’s lower back to reach up and stroke across the expanse of his skin. The feeling made Dan shiver, and let out a pleased sigh. He could feel himself smiling at the hesitation, the awkwardness, in Phil’s voice. It was so much _better_ than the raw sex appeal he usually reeked of over skype. It was natural, human, _Phil_. And it implied that Phil didn’t want to hold up that act around Dan anymore.

For a brief moment, Dan wondered if Phil got like this with all of his partners - but then he remembered the way Phil had talked about all of his one night stands, his experimenting, his college days, and reminded himself that it was _impossible_. Even if Phil had been talking up his sexual prowess to impress Dan… Dan couldn’t imagine that Phil had ever been like this with anyone else.

It was too intimate, and Phil said he didn’t do intimate. He didn’t do slow. He didn’t do working up to it. He just kind of… went at it with the same kind of affected enthusiasm he threw at YouTube.

Dan remembered that Phil had once said, “You can’t fail if you _believe_ you won’t, right?”

No. This was a side of Phil that Dan didn’t think anyone else had ever gotten to experience, and he was glad for it. This was his.

Phil was his.

“I really wanted it to work, though,” Phil said, jostling Dan out of his thoughts again. “I really wanted to be the first person to give you an oragasm. When I was reading, though, I couldn’t find anything that… Well, it’s not like I knew exactly what the problem was.”

Phil was talking quietly, the words pressed into Dan’s skin, flowing from Phil’s mouth like he couldn’t stop himself. His eyes were downturned, not quite meeting Dan’s gaze, and his hands were shifting against Dan’s skin nervously. Dan found himself listening intently, staring at the top of Phil’s head and wishing that he could look into his eyes. Dan could feel himself starting to properly wake up now, to properly pay attention, and he was hanging onto every single one of Phil’s words.

“So I thought I’d just try everything. When I - when you - _finished_ last night, I thought, _yes_ , I’ve done it! But I didn’t know exactly what it was I’d done. I just knew that I wanted to find out, I _needed_ to know, because -”

Dan’s heart was beating roughly against his ribcage. He could hear each loud thud in his ears, and he imagined Phil could feel it too. His hand was still caressing over Dan’s back, and he’d shifted in closer to Dan so their bodies were pressed up tight together, and Phil’s face was half hidden in Dan’s neck.

His words, though. His words weren’t muffled.

“This morning, I just. You felt so good against me. I wanted to tr- to try again, I…”

Dan had never heard Phil so tongue tied before. He could feel that surge of hope swelling and choking his throat with emotion. He knew, he _knew_ , but to hear Phil say it...

“I didn’t know if it’d be enough. If _I’d_ be enough,” Phil whispered.

“Of course you’d be enough, Phil. Why would you think you wouldn’t be?” Dan asked, voice hushed. He was tense all over. He didn’t know when that had happened. His voice shook, just a _bit_ , but it was enough.

Phil glanced up at him, meeting his gaze. His eyes, god. They were… indescribable. They weren’t hazy with sleep anymore, weren’t clouded with pleasure. They were so _open_. Dan had never seen Phil like this before. Sure, Phil had let the flirty mask go in order to reassure Dan, to remind him that Dan was more than just a toy, but this?

This was Phil being vulnerable with him. That was practically unheard of. Dan felt a smile starting to curve at the corners of his lips just at the idea of Phil opening up to him. _To him_ of all people. Something giddy blossomed in Dan, and he felt his eyes shine with the feelings he’d been holding tucked deep inside.

Phil seemed utterly awestruck by the expression, by Dan’s words. It was as if he hadn’t believed, even for a second, that Dan might… what? Phil hadn’t said the words. Dan might just be _projecting_ , but he hoped not. God, he hoped not.

He wanted to believe that what he was reading from this situation, what he was reading from Phil’s expression, was exactly what Dan was feeling. He wanted to believe that Phil was happy that Dan liked him, was happy because Phil liked him _back_. But he didn’t know. Because Phil hadn’t said the words.

But neither had Dan.

Their eyes locked. Phil seemed to be searching for something, biting his lip like he was trying to bite back a smile. He shifted, moved a little closer to Dan so that their noses were brushing, but never once released Dan’s gaze.

“Dan?” Phil asked, voice so, so unsure. Dan had never heard Phil sound like that, before. “I…” His breath puffed out against Dan’s lips. Dan was trembling.

“Yeah?” Dan breathed back.

Phil licked his lips. Dan could hear him swallow, could feel the tension bridging between them, could feel Phil’s fingers hesitate in their movements on Dan’s bare back, clearly unsure and clinging to Dan.

 _Please, just say it_.

“I like you,” Phil breathed, the words so quiet Dan was certain he would have missed them entirely had Phil not whispered them practically against his lips. A soft, shuddery gasp followed it, and Phil leaned his forehead against Dan’s, his eyes slipping closed, and his hand tensing against Dan’s skin. “I like you, Dan, I… all this was just... I just wanted -”

“Shhh,” Dan whispered, giddy as the words started to sink in. Dan’s brain was struggling to catch up. “Shh, Phil, I…” Dan was overwhelmed but in the _best_ way, his chest beginning to ache with a combination of relief and _affection_. He wiggled an arm out from where he’d trapped it under his body, and reached for Phil without hesitation. His fingers shook as he gripped onto Phil for the first time that morning.

Fuck, why had Dan thought it was a good idea to remain laying on his belly?

“God, I like you, too, you idiot,” he managed, his voice high pitched and giddy. Instantly, he was giggling like an idiot, and before he could really process if all of this was _real_ or if he was just having a really intense daydream or something, Dan leaned in close and kissed Phil.

The touch was soft, tender, nothing more than lips against lips and the soft, gentle movement of two boys in love. Dan’s entire body lit up with tingles, and he shifted to roll on his side as best he could with Phil half draped over him, desperate to get his arms around Phil too. Phil huffed against Dan’s lips, a surprised little sound, desperate and whiny in a way that Dan hadn’t heard it in the past two days. He clutched at Dan, as if he were afraid Dan was trying to pull away, and it made Dan laugh and press in closer to Phil.

He managed to get an arm around Phil’s waist and he dragged him in until they were touching _everywhere_ , a gentle reminder to Phil that this was _real_ , because suddenly Dan was sure that it was, and he was sure that Phil was in complete and utter disbelief.

Dan couldn’t blame him. For a while there, Dan hadn’t been sure this was ever going to happen.

They didn’t kiss for very long. Dan was too busy smiling really, really wide, and Phil was starting to make a weird sound that Dan didn’t quite understand. When he pulled away, he realized what it was.

Phil’s brows were scrunched up so he had a little frown line on his forehead, and his lips were shaking. Phil was entirely _overwhelmed_. Dan could read it in his heavy breathing, in the crease of his brow, and the way he shook under Dan’s touch. His voice was distorted by that same needy whine he’d let out when Dan had first kissed him, and he was shaking all over.

This was the last thing Dan had been expecting today, but he didn’t care. He pulled back from Phil, and wiggled his other arm out from under him, using it to tilt Phil’s chin up and force him to look at Dan.

Eventually, Phil opened his eyes. They were so wide, so unsure. They were nothing like the confident Phil that Dan had come to know and love.

But Dan liked it, in a weird way. He liked it because this was something only _he_ got to see. Dan thought he understood what might be going through Phil’s head, thought he understand the tremors, the _fear_.

Phil had never been in love before. He’d never really _liked_ someone. He’d told Dan that in confidence with this half little shrug and a mask in place so Dan hadn’t been entirely sure how Phil felt about that fact, but he’d _told Dan_. And now Dan thought he knew what Phil was trying to hide.

The fact that he was so fucking afraid, because somehow, someway, he liked _Dan_.

“Phil,” Dan whispered, gentle. He didn’t know how to be soothing like Phil, didn’t know how to be the confident one _in person_. Sure, he could pull it off on camera, on skype, but in _person_. Dan was just… Dan.

“Phil, it’s okay,” Dan whispered.

Phil shook his head.

“I’m not - I don’t…” Phil said. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be enough. I don’t know how to - how to… how to _love_ , I -”

“Phil,” Dan said, cutting him off. “You do know how to love. What you did for me, what you _always_ do for me? That’s love. God, Phil, I’ve never felt _more_ loved than I do with you, than I do when you touch me, when you encourage me, when you push me and make me feel _safe_. Phil,” Dan murmured, ducking in close to meet Phil’s gaze when Phil tried to avert it. “Phil, you _are_ enough. You are so much more than enough. You’re… all that I’ve ever needed.”

It all seemed to be a little bit too much for Phil. He opened his mouth to say something in reply, but he couldn’t. Instead, he surged forward and shoved their mouths back together, noses smashing for a moment before Phil seemed to realign his head to make them slot together properly. His hands moved from Dan’s body to his face, tightly cradling his cheeks, and he kissed Dan like he was desperate for it.

He kissed Dan like he was starving for it.

Dan moaned against Phil’s lips, moving to meet each and every kiss, to try and keep up with Phil’s sudden urgency and the way that he was nipping at Dan’s mouth, gasping against his lips, holding on so tight that Dan thought Phil’s handprints were going to burn right into him. Phil’s body moved to tangle with Dan’s, aggressive and a little too hard as Phil attempted to make them one.

Dan wasn’t against it, but it did kind of hurt, and he found himself pulling back a little, surprised by Phil’s sudden ferocity. He hadn’t even been that ferocious last night…

That’s when Dan managed to pull back from Phil’s lips just long enough to make out a choked sound that sounded suspiciously like a sob; a sound that was coming straight from Phil. Dan wrenched his eyes open, aghast, as Phil tried to surge back in for another kiss. Dan wasn’t having it, though. He let go of his hold on Phil’s body to reach up and grab tight to his wrists, pulling back on them, trying to make Phil let _go_ , and then Phil did.

Phil let go, and Dan stared at his face, and he found that Phil was crying.

 _Phil was crying_.

Dan’s heart nearly broke right then and there.

“Oh god, Phil,” he whispered, letting go of Phil’s wrists and pulling away so that he was no longer pressed all alongside Phil. His body convulsed in horror, because Dan had made Phil _cry_. “Phil, I’m - I’m so sorry, are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

Dan didn’t want to believe that he had, but Phil was _crying_ , and here Dan was falling from cloud nine because how could he be happy when he’d done something to hurt Phil?

Phil shook his head, but the evidence was clear on his face. Something was wrong, and the only two people here were Dan and Phil. Dan had to have done something, and he wasn’t going to just let this go.

Hands shaking, Dan reached forward to rub the tears away from Phil’s face, but Phil shook his head again, knocking Dan’s hands away, and he opened his eyes. When he stared up at Dan, it was as if Dan was the only thing in the fucking _world_.

Finally, Phil smiled.

“I lied,” Phil whispered, shaking his head. The tears were soaking into his cheeks, skin turning blotchy and red, but he was _smiling_. He was smiling. Why was he smiling?

Dan’s heart plummeted into his abdomen.

“Wh-what?” Dan gasped, for a moment fearing the worst.

Phil reached back up and clutched Dan’s cheeks tight between his hands once more.

“I love you, Dan,” Phil whispered, and kissed him again. The motion came with another broken little sob from Phil, and a startled curse from Dan who didn’t quite know how to feel. His hands clutched Phil’s against his cheeks, and Dan held on tight as he rolled them both over and climbed on top of Phil.

Fuck.

 _Fuck_.

“Fuck you,” Dan gasped, tearing his lips away from Phil. Phil let out a half-chuckle, half-sob, and Dan kissed him again. “Fuck you, you asshole. _I love you, too_.”

Their mouths smashed back together, Dan gripping tight to Phil and holding on like he never wanted to let go. He didn’t. Phil was his, Phil was _his_. Dan moaned just at the thought, and pulled away to bury his face in Phil’s neck, hands finally releasing Phil’s so that Dan could hold onto his shoulders. His fingers slid around Phil’s neck, until Dan was just kind of clinging onto him.

Phil was _his_. Dan had never thought this moment would come.

Every precious second of the last day and a half had been _real_.

“I hate you,” Dan groaned, beginning to pepper Phil’s neck in kisses. He was euphoric, and besides, he hadn’t gotten to do any of this for Phil in _a day and a half_. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you,” Dan chanted, never once letting his mouth drift too far away from Phil’s skin. He trailed his lips down Phil’s neck, sucked a mark into his collarbone, and traced a line back upwards to Phil’s chin.

Phil was laughing, the sound wet from his tears. He didn’t complain even once at Dan’s ministrations. If anything, he encouraged them by twining his body with Dan’s, dragging them close again, until they were pressed all along their fronts.

Dan was too happy to care about the feeling of sticky sweat and come. He pressed his lips to Phil’s again, and kissed the hell out of him. Phil deserved it after, well. Phil just deserved it.

Phil loved him.

“God, I love you,” Dan whispered. “I’m so fucking happy.”

“Me too,” Phil murmured back. He reached up and rubbed the gentle pads of his fingers down Dan’s cheek, and grinned at him.

Dan couldn’t keep himself from kissing Phil again. Phil didn’t let it go on for too long, though, forcing the kiss to peeter out into a few quick pecks before he pulled all the way back. His eyes were glowing, cheeks tear stained, but he seemed to have a better hold of himself now.

“You make me brave,” he whispered, shaking his head when the words made Dan lean in again. Drawing back, Dan frowned a little at Phil, because all he wanted to do was keep _kissing_. He was happy, okay, and the fact that Phil felt like _Dan_ made _him_ brave was absolutely insane. Phil was the one who made _Dan brave_ , not the other way around.

Phil wasn’t done speaking, though, and he stroked his fingers over Dan’s cheek bones again. The touch was so fucking warm, filled with an affection that Dan had tried to deny had been there all along. Especially that morning.

Phil wasn’t a sex god. Phil was just Phil, and if he was good at sex, that didn’t change the fact that he was human, that he had a heart, and that he loved Dan.

“I’ve never felt this way about another person,” Phil continued, “And it scared me so much, but… I don’t know. I was working up to a way I could _admit_ to you how I felt when - when you told me you’d never even had an orgasm, and I thought… this is it. This is a way I can have him without ruining what we have. I know how to have sex, I know how to make someone feel _good_. I don’t know… relationships,” he admitted.

Dan cocked his head at Phil, frowning a little. It was kind of painful to hear that Phil had been working himself up just as much as Dan had been working himself up, painful to realize they’d both been so close for so _long_ , but at the same time, he found that he didn’t really care.

Regardless, this had all led them _here_.

Phil wasn’t done, though.

“But you make me feel brave. Opening yourself up to me like that, letting me show you how to be with me, how to _come_ , I just. I looked at you and I realized I couldn’t let you get away. But I didn’t know how to tell you until you… you looked at me, and I realized that it was now or never. God, Dan, I… I’d been so afraid that you didn’t feel the same way.”

Dan laughed at the very thought of it. Phil stared at him, startled at the sound, but eventually started smiling too, chuckling a little as he realized the ridiculousness of the whole situation. Cleary, they both needed new eyes if they’d both been in love this whole time and hadn’t realized it. Dan stared down at Phil, so fucking fond of this man, and leaned down to nuzzle his nose against Phil’s.

“Idiot,” he muttered.

Phil laughed.

“I’d like to submit evidence that you’re an idiot too. If you loved me all this time, you could have said something just as easily as me, Dan.”

Dan rolled his eyes, and chose to kiss Phil’s smirk away instead.

Phil’s hands moved to tangle in Dan’s hair, the touch gentle, steadying, as they continued to kiss. Dan knew they needed to get up, he _knew_.

They’d get there eventually.

For now, he just wanted to stay in this moment - this glorious, invigorating moment that was almost better than the sex had been. No, actually, Dan would like to argue that it was better than the sex, because now the sex had _so much more meaning_. It was all good. All of Phil was good. Dan was finally allowed to have _everything_.

They stayed like that for a while, just kind of kissing and petting each other. Phil’s hands kept finding Dan’s back, stroking over the skin when he wasn’t burying his fingers in Dan’s hair. Dan, on the other hand, stroked his hands down Phil’s sides, his ribcage, carressing all the parts of Phil that he hadn’t gotten to touch last night or that morning. Phil shivered under the touches, and while Dan could feel him growing interested against Dan’s thigh, neither of them moved to continue any more of their morning activities.

Eventually, Phil pulled away, mouth red and plump from making out. HIs eyes were half lidded when he said, “We should go take a shower.” Dan groaned, not quite ready to remove himself from Phil’s presence, but aware that Phil was right.

Shifting away from Phil, Dan rolled off of him, and tried not to be too disappointed that taking a shower probably meant going their own separate ways for a little while. As he moved to get up, however, Phil rolled out of bed and walked around to Dan’s side. He offered Dan a hand wih a soft little smile, and once Dan had grasped his hand, began to lead him out of his room.

It was a good thing they were home alone, with the way they looked. Dan was sure they looked like they’d just had marathon sex - and in a way, they had.

He felt sticky, now that he was walking around, body shaky as he moved. His bones felt a little like jelly, which Phil teased him about at first, until he tripped over nothing and admitted that he felt much the same way.

Once inside of the bathroom, Phil got the water running while Dan watched, making it more than a little clear that he was not planning to leave Dan’s side. Relaxing against the wall, Dan leaned backwards and watched Phil move.

He really was beautiful. He had a really great arse, and his back was completely unblemished, but covered in tiny little freckles, particularly around his shoulders. His skin was insanely pale, but Dan didn’t mind. He figured in the future, it would just make an even better canvas for Dan to cover in marks. The thought alone made Dan smile, and, despite the fact that Phil was leaning into the shower checking the water temperature, Dan came up behind him and hugged him.

Phil yelped in surprise, turning his head to stare with wide eyes. He let out a squeaky little laugh that made Dan laugh in return, and hold him closer.

“What was that for?” Phil asked.

“Just wanted to hold you,” Dan murmured into his shoulder.

Phil’s shoulders relaxed, and he leaned backwards into Dan’s touch, welcoming the gentle hold in a way that Dan hadn’t quite been expecting. Dan was still trying to become acclimated to the fact that he could have this, that this was real, and that holding Phil like this was just one more thing Dan could hope to expect for… as long as Phil would have him.

For the rest of his life, if Dan got his way.

After another moment of this, Phil pulled away a little, and put his hand under the spray of water again.

“It’s warm,” he murmured, turning in Dan’s hold and leaning down to kiss him. “Come on. Let’s get cleaned up.”

They climbed into the shower together, Phil gesturing for Dan to go first, letting him stand directly under the shower head. The shower wasn’t big, but it wasn’t too small either, a half bath kind of thing. Dan thought that maybe he and Phil could have a bath together sometime, but for right now, he was content to let Phil guide their interactions.

As Dan tilted his head back in the water, instantly relaxing under the warm feeling, Phil fumbled around on the other end of the bath. Dan didn’t bother to open his eyes and find out what he was doing, figuring Phil was finding the shampoos and body wash, and instead reached up to push his hands through his hair, shoving it backwards and off of his forehead, so it wouldn't fall into his eyes.

When Phil came back, it was with a soapy washcloth that he pushed against Dan’s chest without warning. Dan yelped, tilting his head forward and staring wide eyed at Phil. Phil laughed, and coaxed Dan out from under the direct spray of the shower head, and then like the gentleman he was, started to move the washcloth in slow circles against Dan’s chest.

“Gonna wash me, are you?” Dan teased, but he couldn’t keep his voice steady, nor could he seem to wipe the stunned expression off his face. This was something he’d always imagined would be intimate, but he’d never quite imagined _this_. He hadn’t honestly ever had a frame of reference, but, well, Dan was pleasantly surprised.

Phil smiled softly at him, eyes flicking up to Dan’s for a second, before returning to the task at hand.

“Mmhmm,” Phil hummed, but didn’t say anything else. Instead, he just focused on the task at hand, gently scrubbing away the mix of sweat and come that was coating Dan’s body. Every touch sent a shock through Dan, but it wasn’t an arousing one. It was something else. Something more tender. It was more a rush of emotion than carnal pleasure, and Dan found himself smiling and reveling in the gentle touches.

He couldn’t believe he was here. He couldn’t believe that any of this was happening.

Phil worked his way down Dan’s chest and over his abdomen, switching to his thighs and rubbing between them lightly. Dan’s cheeks flushed red in embarrassment when Phil moved up to gently caress his balls, and his dick, cupping them lightly and making it clear he wanted nothing more than to clean Dan.

When he was done, he said, “Turn around,” in a soft voice that had Dan moving instantly.

Phil started at his shoulders this time, stroking down Dan’s back in swift but gentle motions. His hands glided over Dan, working their way down to Dan’s bum, and cleaning up between the cleft of his arse while Phil was at it. He had no shame, and while Dan could feel the nerves flushing through him, he quickly relaxed into the touches, realizing that this was no less intimate than anything else they’d done.

Besides. Dan liked the feeling of someone else taking care of him.

Suddenly, Phil chuckled, his hands moving back to caress over a few spots on Dan’s back. Dan shivered.

“What?” he asked, nervous.

“I may have gotten a bit carried away this morning,” Phil explained. Dan’s cheeks instantly went red at the memory of Phil pressing kisses into his body, sucking marks against his skin. Dan had _known_ he’d have marks, but Phil _commenting_ on it was unexpected.

“Shu-shut up,” Dan stuttered. “How many?”

Phil laughed and shook his head, leaning in to plant a wet kiss to Dan’s soapy body. Dan tried to crane his neck backwards to see his back, but he couldn’t _see_ anything, and Phil just took the opportunity to kiss his lips.

“Not too many,” Phil promised, when he pulled away. “Just a couple. You know, less than ten, more than five... I couldn’t help myself. I guess I just wanted to leave my mark on you.”

Dan’s blush only seemed to grow darker as Phil went back to lathering Dan’s body with soap as if he hadn’t said something that sent shivers down Dan’s spine - as if he wasn’t _flirting_ all over again.

As soon as Phil was done with the major parts of Dan’s body, he had Dan turn around again and dropped he washcloth on the edge of the tub while encouraging Dan to lean back and rinse himself off. Meanwhile, Phil reached for the bottle of shampoo he’d left at his feet, and spilled a bunch into his hand.

“Come here,” he encouraged Dan with a little smile. Unused to this kind of attention, even _after_ what Phil had done for him the past two days, Dan stepped into Phil’s space and allowed Phil to rub the shampoo into his hair. The touches were fantastic, soft little tugs on Dan’s hair as Phil worked to scrub it in, and then a little massage against Dan’s scalp as his fingers sunk deeper. Dan sighed and let his eyes drift closed as Phil stepped even closer, until they were sharing body heat, and diligently washed Dan’s hair.

When Phil was done, he led Dan gently back under the spray of water, and rinsed the suds out, careful to keep anything out of his eyes, and not letting him open them until he was done.

“Okay,” Phil whispered when he was done. “All finished.”

Slowly, Dan let his eyes drift back open, a little anxious to make sure no soap caught in his eye, but eventually he was able to peer properly at Phil, who was standing in front of him with the fondest smile on his face that Dan had ever seen. It lit a fire in Dan’s heart, and he stepped forward to loop his arms around Phil’s neck, pulling his naked body close so he could kiss him.

Their wet bodies slid together intimately, and Phil hummed against Dan’s mouth, sinking into the kiss. Dan’s hands began to shake from the intensity of everything he was feeling, and when he pulled away, he laid his forehead against Phil’s.

“I love you,” he whispered, because the words felt like they were going to burst right out of his chest.

Phil smiled, and said, “I love you, too,” the words falling so easily from his lips that Dan could never deny that they were true.

Letting Phil go, Dan leaned down to pick up the washcloth Phil had abandoned, and turned to rinse it off under the shower head. When he turned back to Phil, Phil was staring at him, eyes soft, and smile warm.

“You don’t have to, you know,” Phil murmured, like he knew exactly what Dan wanted to do, and needed him to know that he didn’t need to. Dan did though, he _did_. He wanted to, wanted to show Phil exactly how Phil made him feel.

Dan stepped in close again, and put his hand on Phil’s shoulder, carefully guiding him around so they could switch places and Phil would be under the spray of the warm water. Dan’s hand was shaking, he could feel it, he could _see_ it, but he wanted to do this.

He did.

He was just nervous.

“I want to,” Dan answered after another moment, turning to find the body wash Phil had used on him, and squirting a bunch into the middle of the washcloth. Once that was done, he scrubbed it into itself, lathering the cloth up, and turned back to Phil.

Phil had his head tilted back, the long expanse of his neck a beautiful sight to behold. His hands were laced through his hair, pushing it back and combing through it at the same time, and Dan wanted to reach up and do it for him. Phil was just so fucking attractive. Dan couldn’t believe this man was his.

Reaching forward, Dan grabbed hold of Phil’s arm, and pulled him gently from the stream of water. Phil didn’t hesitate to come to Dan, dropping his head and opening his eyes to look at him. The expression within them was still so gentle and open. Dan felt like he’d unlocked some part of Phil that neither of them knew had existed.

“You’re beautiful,” Phil murmured. It was as if he could read Dan’s mind, because that was exactly what Dan had been thinking about Phil.

Blushing, Dan let out a soft, awkward giggle, and started to scrub Phil the way that Phil had scrubbed Dan. He used the washcloth to massage over Phil’s chest, and down his ribcage, exploring at the same time as he washed because he hadn’t had a chance to do so beforehand. Phil’s body was soft and a little pudgy in the cutest of ways, and he trembled under Dan’s motions.

Dan wondered how Phil would react if Dan got his mouth all over him, the way Phil had gotten his mouth all over Dan the night before, and that morning. He had to bit his lip to prevent himself from thinking too hard on that, not wanting to get hard all over again, not knowing that this moment that was meant to be soft and loving.

Just like Dan hadn’t wanted to leave that moment this morning, he didn’t want to leave this one now.

Dan worked his way lower, blushing a little at the thought of touching a part of Phil that he hadn’t actually _touched_ yet, but that had been deep inside of him. He reached for Phil’s soft cock anyway, rubbing gently over it with the washcloth, before moving further below, to press against Phil’s balls and clean them as well. Phil shivered a bit at the touch, his forehead falling forward so it was pressed to Dan’s shoulder.

God, Dan wanted to touch Phil there when it was _meant_ to arouse. He wanted to touch all of Phil.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Phil murmured as Dan pulled away, and went to turn him around. Dan stilled, staring wide eyed at Phil, not quite having expected Phil to say that. Phil’s gaze was soft as he looked at Dan, and he reached out to press his hand against Dan’s cheeks. His fingers stroked the skin slowly. “God, am I glad you’re here.”

Without another word, Phil dropped his hand and turned dutifully for Dan, exposing his back to be washed. Speechless, Dan found himself moving on autopilot to finish what he’d started, but his mind was on Phil’s words and the sincerity behind his speech.

Sweet, gentle Phil. Dan hadn’t seen near enough of this side of him, the soft romantic laying in wait, laying for _Dan_. Dan laughed, a little delirious, with the fact that he was the one to make Phil Lester fall in love.

“What’s so funny?” Phil asked, laughter in his voice already. “Are you laughing at me?”

“No, never,” Dan murmured back, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Phil’s ear. “I’m just glad I’m here too.”

They were silent after that. Dan finished lathering up Phil’s back, a little awestruck and amazed at everything that was happening, and then helped Phil to rinse off. Then, he searched for the shampoo and cleaned Phil’s hair, too, stroking through the long black locks and doing his best to massage at Phil’s scalp the way Phil had massaged at his.

He just hoped that Phil felt as loved as he did.

As Phil rinsed the shampoo from his hair, Dan moved the shampoo off of the floor and onto the little gray wrack in the back of the tub where all the rest of the soaps and razors were, and then he turned back to find Phil waiting for him, eyes warm as he looked at Dan.

He looked sexy, with his hair slicked back and his glittering with affection. His chest was bare and dripping water as he stopped forward, right into Dan’s space, and pressed him back and up against the shower wall.

Dan moaned as Phil’s mouth found his, his body pressing against Dan’s, so he was flush between Phil and the cold tile. His mouth was hot, and wonderful as he made out with Dan, tilting his head to get the angle right and working his hands down Dan’s sides, petting over his ribcage and reminding Dan that PHil was really, _really_ good at the whole sex thing.

Dan was so distracted by all the wonderful sensations that he forgot he could touch Phil too. Phil was the one to notice, laughing hotly against Dan’s lips, and pulling back to find Dan’s hands with his own. He laced their fingers together, smiling sweetly at Dan, and leaned back in for another kiss.

Their bodies moved together. There was a part of Dan that wanted to change the atmosphere surrounding them, to thrust his hips forward into Phil’s and get them properly going, but everything just felt so good and affectionate that Dan couldn’t make himself go any further past half-hard. Instead, he let Phil kiss him breathless, and sighed when Phil pulled away again.

“I’ve never felt like this,” Phil whispered against Dan’s lips.

Dan’s lips trembled with the inability to respond.

“You, Daniel Howell, are something special.”

That feeling of adoration and love seemed to drown Dan, then, and he grasped tighter to Phil’s fingers in order to force him closer and kiss him again. He let out a small little whimper against Phil, and opened up to him, desperate to show Phil just how much this all meant to him.

He was in love. He was so fucking in love.

By the time Phil stopped kissing him, Dan’s face was rubbed raw from Phil’s stubble, and the water had gone cold. His limbs were shaking a little from a combination of exhaustion (fuck, over the course of the last 18 hours _at least_ , Dan had put it through a lot), affection, and the feeling of the cold water attacking his feet.

“Stay here,” Phil murmured after he’d turned off the water, flashing Dan a quick smile before climbing out of the tub and moving to shuffle through the cupboards in the bathroom. Dan sank against the tiled wall, kind of thankful to not have to move just yet, and watched as Phil looked around. Eventually, he frowned and started heading for the closed bathroom door.

“I’ll be right back,” Phil shot over his shoulder, and left the bathroom to look for, what Dan assumed, were towels, considering Phil was still naked.

Laughing a little, Dan let his head fall backwards against the tiles, just trying to reconcile all that had happened. Part of Dan still felt like he was walking in a dream, and he’d wake up soon to find that none of this was real. The other part of him was very, very aware that he couldn’t dream this up if he’d tried to.

When Phil came back, he was carrying two fluffy looking towels. He dropped one of them on the sink, and walked over to Dan with the other one.

It was large, and blue, and honestly looked like the cosiest thing ever right now to Dan. Phil offered Dan his hand, and helped him climb out of the bathtub. When Dan tried to take the towel from him, however, Phil shook his head and wrapped it around Dan himself.

“Let me,” he murmured, as he started to scrub lightly at Dan’s skin with the fluffy material. As he moved, he kept flashing Dan a secretive smile, all while Dan stared at him in completely and utter awe. Phil’s cheeks turned a little pink, like he was embarrassed by all the staring, or maybe at the fact that he was doing something so _cheesy_ , Dan didn’t know, but it made him smile, his body relaxing into Phil’s touches, until Phil reached up to scrub his hair dry too.

Dan groaned as he realized he was going to have hobbit hair.

“What?” Phil asked, amused.

“Remember when I told you I have hobbit hair?” Dan asked.

Phil laughed, pulling the towel off of Dan’s head, and leaning in to kiss him.

“I do. And remember when I told you how gorgeous you looked, that time you took a photo of it just out of the shower?” Phil rumbled.

Dan’s cheeks, already pink, turned even darker. Oh, he remembered that day _well_ , thank you very much. He might have done the dailybooth with Phil in mind, and he might have wanted to see what the other boy thought of him, half naked, with curly, wet hair…

“Shut up,” Dan muttered, ducking to hide his face in Phil’s shoulder. Phil laughed, and reached up to hold Dan close, the towel pressed between them, wrapped all around Dan. The feeling made Dan’s heart jump in his chest, and he smiled at the way Phil held him - gentle, and loving. Everything Dan had not quite seen of Phil before today.

He couldn’t wait to see even more.

Phil pressed a kiss to the top of Dan’s head, and then drew away from him with a happy little smile.

“Hair dryer and straighteners are in my room, if you want them. I’ll meet you in there, okay?”

Dan stared at Phil in all his naked glory, not really wanting either of them to cover back up, but nodded, thankful, and leaned in for one last kiss.

“Okay. See you in a minute.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You’ve probably noticed the chapter number change again. When I originally started this fic, I had 4 chapters outlined. When I first started posting, I had 3 written. [@imnotinclinedtomaturity](http://imnotinclinedtomaturity.tumblr.com), my wonderful friend and beta… incidentally inspired an extra 2 chapters that were totally unexpected, and not suggested to me until after I started posted. Normally, I wait to finish a fic before I start posting, and then I come up with what I think is a doable posting schedule. I chose every other day for this fic in the beginning because I was convinced I was done with it. But now, as you can tell, the plan has gone completely out of the window.
> 
> Last night, editing chapter 5 turned it into an 18K chapter that I realized I was not going to be able to completely fix by today, thanks to just how many re-writes I did. This fic has come to mean SO MUCH to me, that I couldn’t just leave it as is and post anyway. So I decided to cut the chapter in half at actually really perfect spot, and then inform you guys of two things.
> 
> 1\. The fic is 7 chapters now, but I’m PRETTY SURE it’s going to end there
> 
> 2\. My posting schedule has gone completely out of the window and I can’t promise when the next chapter will be out. I CAN promise that the whole thing is written, and that by the end of the next two weeks, you will have the whole thing, but I don’t want to promise I day things will be posted to give myself wiggle room to give the fic exactly what it deserves in terms of editing.
> 
> Thank you guys so much for all of your continued support. The fic isn’t quite over yet, but I’m so certain you’ll be happy with how I’ve sent the whole thing up, and it’ll be worth it in the end!

They couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Dan had barely finished drying his hair when Phil returned from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, and interrupted what Dan was doing to lean in and kiss him. His body was pliant against Dan’s, soft and tender in that same way he’d been in the while they were bathing, as if Phil had just figured out how to _be_ soft, and wanted to shower Dan in the attention.

Needless to say, it took a long while to straighten his hair, and an even longer time for him to get dressed. A few times, he nearly gave up on it, his cock growing more and more interested with every kiss, every touch, every caress of Phil’s hands against Dan’s skin. Somewhat to Dan’s disappointment, Phil seemed determined to make the rest of the day _sweet_ , though, and every time Dan tried to make the kisses hotter, tried to draw Phil in, tried to get him to let Dan touch something other than his back and hips, or even to touch Dan _more_ than just the careful grazing of his skin, Phil drew away with a soft little laugh, and smiled at Dan.

With plans to film a Q&A later that night together, Phil stripped his bedsheets and started them in the wash after he dried his hair as well, leaving Dan alone just long enough to finish straightening his hair. Dan got dressed while he was at it, pulling on a pair of trackies he’d brought, and a t-shirt of Phil’s. The fabric felt warm against Dan’s skin, a reminder that Dan could _do_ this now, and that Phil was his. It made Dan feel like he belonged, and the smell of Phil on the clothing comforted him too.

By the time Dan wandered downstairs in search for Phil, Phil was already in the kitchen making breakfast.

 _Breakfast_ , of all things.

Dan had been expecting a bowl of cereal and some orange juice at most. He’d expected having to make his own breakfast, and sitting in Phil’s lounge with him while they ate in silence. He’d expected something more calm, maybe a bit flirty, but instead he was getting _this_ , and Dan wanted to drown in the affection he felt for Phil just then.

The unmistakable scent of pancakes had already taken over the kitchen. Phil was humming a happy little tune, another surprise Dan hadn’t been expecting. He’d never seen Phil quite so… _carefree_. This Phil was a little closer to the _AmazingPhil_ persona Dan had gotten used to - the quirky, funny guy who smiled constantly and made weird noises. For so long, now, Dan had almost exclusively seen the sexy, confident Phil. Which was attractive. There was no denying that.

But now, now he was getting the _Phil_ that was amplified for his videos - the striped down version who was - raw and cute and _human_.

It was nice. It was sweet. It made Dan’s heart lodge in his throat, and left him feeling overwhelmed with love for the man that until just a few hours ago he hadn’t been sure he could have.

Dan watched Phil cook for a little while, stood in boxer shorts and a t-shirt, smiling a little with each sway of Phil’s hips. Dan couldn’t stay away for long, however, and he found himself moving towards Phil so that he could wrap his arms around his waist, and rest his head on Phil’s shoulder.

Just like when Dan had done this in the bathroom, Phil yelped in surprise and jumped a little, but settled into the touch far faster than before, like he was getting _used_ to it, and Dan loved that. Dan loved that Phil was slowly becoming more and more comfortable with the more romantic, affectionate touches that Dan wanted to engage in for the rest of his life.

He knew Phil was far more comfortable with sex, but this? This was Dan’s forte. This, Dan was going to force Phil to get used to. Because he knew that Phil would like it, and he knew that Phil deserved it.

Phil had never been loved before. Dan hoped that he’d get to love him for the rest of his life.

“Smells good,” Dan murmured into Phil’s back. Phil hummed back, the sound soft, sweet. Dan could feel the low rumble against his lips. “Thanks for cooking.”

“Anything for you.”

The words, a repeat from last night, sounded so fucking _sincere_ that Dan closed his eyes, momentarily overwhelmed, and hugged Phil tighter. Phil seemed to relax further into the touch, and went right back to humming happily, a little off tune, but cute all the same.

Dan grinned and pressed his cheek to Phil’s back. He didn’t let go of Phil until Phil was finished cooking. There was nowhere he’d rather be at this moment.

“Come _ooon_ ,” Phil whined playfully when he piled the last pancake onto the plate. “I’m famished! We can cuddle later, Bear!”

The promise was enough to convince Dan let Phil go, and help him to carry the hefty amount of pancakes from the stove, to the table.

Breakfast was… a scene. Phil served them on two plates, but he pushed them so close together that Dan was practically sat in Phil’s lap in order to eat. Not that he was complaining. There was golden syrup, butter, and some sugar, but for the most part, Dan was far more interested in kissing Phil than eating his breakfast.

It was up to Phil to doctor their pancakes. Dan kept giggling and leaning in to press their shoulders together, joking about how they’d both been idiots for the last few months, and how happy Dan was to be with Phil now. There were whispered _I love you’s_ and soft little kisses, sticky with a combination of syrup and sugar, and it was _good_.

Dan fed Phil bites from his fork and jokingly stole them from Phil’s lips, golden syrup ended up on Phil’s thighs and thick on Dan’s cheek, where Phil leaned in and kissed it away. Their smiles were warm and heartfelt, and with every movement together, Dan felt his body spike with a feeling of such absolute and overwhelming affection that he wished he never had to leave Phil’s side.

“I wish I never had to go home,” Dan whispered as the thought occurred to him, nuzzling Phil’s nose with his own, eyes half closed.

“One day,” Phil whispered against Dan’s. “One day, we’ll get our own place together, and you’ll never have to leave.”

Phil kissed him then, lips gentle against Dan’s. It sent a flash of warmth through him, a warmth that settled in his core and reminded Dan of just how special Phil thought he was. The kiss felt like a promise, it felt like _love_. When Dan pulled away to find a blush on Phil’s cheeks, he was reminded of the fact that this wasn’t easy for Phil - none of this, probably. Not the feelings, not the affection, not the cuddling. Phil had never _loved_ before. He’d _told_ Dan.

And yet here he was.

Phil didn’t _do_ romance. Or at least he _hadn’t before_. But when he spoke to Dan, and the way he kissed him, Dan knew that Phil felt for him just as much as Dan felt for Phil. So Dan might have to teach Phil how to do the whole romance thing. Okay. Fine. Dan didn’t mind. Already, Phil had gone above and beyond anything Dan had ever had before. While Dan’s relationship with his ex-girlfriend had been nice, it had been nothing like this.

Already, Phil was trying harder than Dan’s ex ever had. Although Dan had done all he could to make his girlfriend happy, and made every gesture he could to _show it_ , his ex had so rarely done the same for him. Sometimes, Dan had thought her feelings were nothing more than words, which, well, was probably true if the end of their relationship was anything to go by.

Buthere Phil was, making Dan breakfast, and touching him like he was something precious. It was worth more than any words his ex had ever said to him.

Phil might not know how to do romance, but Dan thought he was doing pretty damn fine as it was, and that… meant everything to Dan.

As they continued to eat, Phil kept getting a little bit of sugar on the corner of his lips, and Dan would repeatedly reach up to swipe it away. Their gazes would catch at the movement, warm and impossibly intense, and Dan would find his heart racing in his chest like this was the first time they’d ever touched. He just couldn’t deal with the fact that all of this was _real_. The way Phil looked at Dan...it was something Dan had never seen before Phil.

It was a level of affection, attraction, adoration, that Dan had never felt before. Once, Phil reached up and stroked the pad of his thumbs against Dan’s cheek, eyes glowing and almost disbelieving, but everytime, they leaned in close, drawn together like magnets, and pressed their mouths together for a gentle kiss.

The draw was impossible to ignore. Their lips would brush, and tingle, coming together and pulling apart, motion becoming familiar as they did it again and again, Dan opening his mouth to let Phil in, and Phil kept taking, always but keeping the kiss slow and powerful. It sent shivers up Dan’s spine, and caused him to let out soft little moans that weren’t so much lust filled as they were sensuous.

Dan didn’t know how Phil was doing it, but Phil knew how to make Dan feel like this casual physical affection was enough. With his ex girlfriend… this had never happened. It was sex, or nothing. This level of intimacy…

Dan never wanted to let it go.

It took three hours to finish breakfast. Phil got up only once good naturedly to move his laundry over from the washer to the dryer, anxious and excited to film a video later on, but other than that he stayed by Dan’s side the entire time, joking and teasing him, their legs pressed tight together, and Dan constantly leaning into Phil’s space.

It was the best breakfast Dan had ever experienced. It was leagues different from the times he’d go out with his ex to cheap diners and ordered pancakes, far better than the awkward conversations and the menial complaints about school and classmates. Dan much preferred giggling with Phil and talking about anime over hushed whispers of the newest school drama that Dan had pretended to be interested in solely for his ex’s benefit.

Eventually, breakfast did end, though, cascading into lunch and turning into more of a full day meal rather than anything else. Between the two of them, they ate more pancakes than Dan wanted to admit to, but he figured they deserved it after everything they’d… been doing. Dan’s body was definitely all for it, only sated after he’d eaten half a stack all on his own, with Phil shoving a couple more bites into Dan’s mouth, just because.

After a quick clean up, they moved to the lounge, Phil pushing Dan down onto the sofa and insisting that he sit still while Phil went and found a movie for them to watch. Dan didn’t have it in him to argue, curling up on the sofa with his head resting on the armrest, mind a little fuzzy with a mix of happiness, a full stomach, and afternoon sleepiness. He let his eyes slip closed for a moment, smiling as the events of the day began to sink in properly.

Dan was just now realizing how lucky he was.

Phil Lester was _his._ And he was Phil Lester’s. Giggling a little, Dan snuggled down further into the sofa cushions, just trying to soak everything in. It seemed almost unbelievable that the decision to let Phil attempt to help Dan reach orgasm had evolved into _this_. The cuddles, the affection, the expressions of _love_ , and the promise that one day, _one day_ they’d live together. That Dan would never have to leave Phil’s side again… it was. Nothing short of a miracle. Dan didn’t know if he’d ever get used to the idea.

But he’d try, because this was something he never wanted to lose.

When Dan finally opened his eyes again, beginning to wonder where Phil was, he found Phil standing in the doorway, watching him. His expression was completely unreadable.

“What?” Dan asked, embarrassed. He forced himself to straighten up, thinking maybe he’d made Phil uncomfortable, but Phil quickly shook his head.

“Nothing, I… I just can’t believe you’re here.”

As Dan turned his gaze back to look up at Phil, a little surprised at the confession, Phil stepped forward, an uncertain look etched on his face. He was wearing a hesitant smile, and for a moment, Dan could see the part of Phil that Phil was desperately trying to hide; the one who didn’t know what he was doing, who wasn’t used to being in love, and who had absolutely no _fucking clue_ how to show it.

All Dan could think was that Phil was doing _just fine_.

“Me either,” Dan admitted, trying to show Phil that Dan was just as vulnerable right now, just as happy and a little unsure. “But I’m glad I am.”

Phil laughed. The sound was a little breathless, just this side of shy, but it made his face light up and his eyes gleam with affection, and that was all that Dan really needed. He smiled as well, and stood, arms open, begging for Phil to come and hug him. Phil, who’d only just a moment ago seemed unsure, stepped forward without hesitation and walked to Dan’s side, instantly enveloping Dan in a hug.

His arms were warm. The way he held Dan was… tight. Like he never wanted to let go. He crushed his face into Dan’s hair and Dan’s head into his chest. Phil kissed Dan, just because he could. Dan felt his whole body light up, and, unable to help himself, kissed Phil harder still.

“Mm,” Dan hummed. Phil chuckled, the sound a vibration against Dan’s lips. Tilting his head a little to better catch Phil’s lips, Dan drew them into something a little bit _more_ , something drawn out and perfect and, if Dan was being honest, a little arousing as well.

So, kissing Phil made Dan horny. That wasn’t all that new. Kissing had always been a sure fire way to get Dan’s body ready. But with Phil, Dan wasn’t embarrassed by the fact. Instead, he felt _safe_. While his ex used to make fun of him, even get annoyed if she wasn’t in the mood, Dan knew that Phil would never hurt him like that.

No, Phil didn’t say a word, not even a joking comment, about the way he could feel Dan’s hips undulating into Phil’s, arousal clear as it pressed alongside the seam of Phil’s jeans, and that put Dan at ease. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt free to just _be_. Dan was so used to having to hold back, to apologize for things that were just natural, or just _him_ , but Phil… Phil just seemed to understand.

Even more, he was almost sure he felt a hint of Phil reciprocating.

Phil pulled away from the kisses before Dan was ready, nuzzling his nose against Dan’s. Before he could move out of Dan’s space, Dan reached down and took Phil’s belt loops between his fingers, and yanked the other man closer, pressing their lips messily together once more.

The kiss was… a bit more intense than the others. Dan hadn’t intended it, but it was hard not to get carried away when he was kissing Phil. And besides, Dan _really_ wouldn’t mind going another round. Phil hadn’t exactly said _no_ that morning, though he’d kept everything thus far a little more innocent… But Dan hoped that by showing Phil how much he _wanted_ him, how much he _craved_ him, that Phil would stop treating Dan like he was glass.

Using his purchase on Phil’s trousers, Dan drew their hips together and allowed himself to grind a little more insistently against Phil. He could feel that Phil was growing interested as well, which was a positive sign. Relaxing a little bit more into the kiss, Dan let Phil take control, not even minding too much when Phil slowed their kisses down.

He did, however, mind when Phil let them peter out into sweet little pecks, before ultimately pulling away.

Dan couldn’t deny that he was disappointed. A very large part of him wanted to jump Phil right then and there, and just… well, make the most of the short time alone they had together.

“I wanted to watch a movie with you,” Phil whined when Dan pouted at him, his eyes wide and pleading, despite the arousal Dan could see in them.

A movie? Really? Sure, it _sounded_ nice, but it was _nothing_ compared to the idea of Phil filling him up again, _nothing_ compared to the idea of being pressed together so tight that Dan could pretend he and Phil were one person. Besides, could Phil really blame Dan for wanting to go another round when Dan had gone eighteen years without an orgasm?

Phil, however, seemed much more hesitant about the idea. As he took in Dan’s expression, he bit his lip, eyes searching. Dan did his best to look not only put out, but enticing. After a moment, Phil sighed, and leaned back in to Dan’s personal space.

Their foreheads touched, and Phil pinched his eyes shut, an expression that Dan hated to see on his face. Phil looked so _torn_ , and Dan didn’t understand. The idea that he was causing that level of pain for Phil, though, was too much for him to take. Opening his mouth to speak, fully intent on placating Phil, reassuring him that it was fine and Dan didn’t mind if he didnt want to have sex right now, but Phil cut him off before he could.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Phil murmured, “It’s just that… I guess I’m just… It’s always been about sex for me, but it’s not this time. And I wanted...” he continued, trailing off as his cheeks blossomed with an embarrassed flush.

Dan’s eyes were wide, and he peered up at Phil, whose eyes only squeezed shut tighter as he frowned.

Fuck. Dan hadn’t meant to make it about _sex_. Cuddles were good too; in fact, Dan _loved_ them. They were more than Dan ever could have asked for, especially considering there had been a time when Dan had thought sex was all he was going to get out of this - either a one night stand, or a friends with benefits deal that Dan wasn’t sure he would have been able to say no to. It was just… Dan was really enjoying the intimacy of sex with Phil.

Dan had never had an orgasm before, but the part that had always affected Dan the most wasn’t the lack of orgasm, but the inability to experience it _with_ a partner, to share that pleasure together, and just… enjoy each other.

While sex had been nice, pleasant even, before, now it was just… really, _really_ intimate _._

But as the thoughts cascaded over Dan, something else nudged at his mind. Phil was 22, and he’d never been in love before. Phil was 22, and while Dan had gone 18 years without an orgasm, Phil had gone 22 _without love_. How had he gone so long without the physical intimacy that Dan craved so much, the physical intimacy that came from so much more than sex? Of course Phil didn’t want to have sex right now.

He was reveling in the feeling of blatant, romantic affection that he’d never had before, and Dan suddenly felt like the biggest ass in history.

“Phil, I… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean...it’s okay, if you don’t-”

“I just want to hold you for a little bit. Please,” Phil blurted out before Dan could finish his sentence. Inhaling sharply, Dan found himself staring at Phil’s closed eyelids in complete and utter stunned surprise.

Dan’s ex… had never really wanted to cuddle. Not like this. Not the way Phil wanted to. By the end of Dan’s relationship with his ex-girlfriend, they only ever really saw each other if they were at school, or sneaking off to have sex. Dates… dates had stopped not longer after Dan had admitted he’d loved her, and she’d seemed to realize that she didn’t have to try so hard anymore.

Something in Dan told him that it wouldn’t be the same with Phil.

As Dan stared at Phil, Phil’s eyes slipped open, and he stared at Dan with that deep blue gaze that was so uniquely _Phil_ that Dan thought he was going to drown in his eyes Phil’s gaze was searching, so open… so _desperate._

Dan’s tongue felt glued to the top of his mouth, and he was unable to respond.

Phil inhaled sharply, pressing his forehead harder against Dan’s, like he wanted nothing more than to be close to Dan, before speaking again.

“I’m never had something like this. I’ve never felt this way before. I just want… to wrap myself up in it, I guess,” Phil finished lamely, lips quirking up in a self-deprecating smile that was _Dan’s_ signature, thank you very much.

Dan didn’t have the words to express what the words meant to him. He didn’t have the words to explain that he understood, and that he wanted that too, and that was just as good as sex, so… he leaned in and said what he couldn’t articulate out loud with a kiss instead.

Despite the slow burning desire in the pit of Dan’s stomach, and the slow burn of arousal that shot up his spine everytime he remembered last night, or god forbid _that morning_ , Dan was overjoyed to hear Phl admit that he just wanted to cuddle, that he wanted to experience that kind of closeness with Dan _without_ the need for sex and pleasure.

Phil was perfect. He was everything that Dan hadn’t realized he’d needed, everything that Dan hadn’t realized he was missing, and now that the words were out in the open and expressed in a way that only Phil could express them, Dan felt relieved. He hadn’t realized he’d needed to hear Phil say that until just that moment.

Sure, Phil had made it quite clear he enjoyed the cuddles from his actions alone that morning, but there had been a part of Dan afraid that in the end, everything would result back into sex and Dan would be caught up in this vicious cycle of just being what Phil was used to, rather than so much more. So to hear that Phil wanted both, that he wanted to experience so much more with Dan, and that he wanted to keep that ball rolling rather than giving in to their mutual lust all the time, that was… amazing.

Besides. The fact that Phil had said all of that _aloud_ felt like a huge step to Dan. Phil came off as more of an actions kind of guy, so for him to be willing to verbally open up to Dan like this… well.

It was something special.

The very thought of it made Dan laugh into the kiss, giddy with happiness. Phil made a muffled sound of confused protest, and tried to keep kissing Dan, but the laughter kept bubbling up inside of Dan until he _had_ to pull away from Phil.

Dan pressed a hand to his lips, and smiled up at Phil, only to find Phil smiling back at him.

“What was that for? Why are you laughing?” Phil asked, chuckling a little, eyes wide and confused.

Rather than answering, Dan leaned back in and pressed one more chaste kiss to Phil’s lips.

“I’m just happy,” Dan whispered, unable to stop the sudden influx of laughter, eyes crinkled up in affection. “I’m happy, and I just want to hold you too. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life curled up next to you.”

The words were cheesy, and yet Dan meant every word of them. He could feel his heart fluttering in his chest, a tiny sliver of it nervous and afraid that Phil would reject him for being so open and honest about his feelings, but the larger part of him aware that Phil would never, ever, make fun of Dan, and that Phil would never, ever reject him.

No. Today had proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt. Perhaps some would accuse Dan of being naive, but Dan… well, Dan thought he could trust Phil. After all, he’d put all of himself under Phil’s power last night, and Phil hadn’t taken advantage of him.

Phil’s eyes were glowing when he looked at Dan.

That was all the answer Dan really needed.

With one last sweet kiss, Phil pulled away from Dan in search for the DVD he’d dropped somewhere between the doorway and Dan. For his part, Dan curled back up on the sofa to wait, and laughed at the way Phil moved around his lounge with no clear cut idea of where the case had gone. Meanwhile, Dan could see it hiding under Phil’s coffee table, which kept him amused but unwilling to tell Phil where it was.

Flushed and frustrated, Phil eventually moved back over to Dan and kissed him playfully, shoving his fingers through Dan’s fringe and asking him “please tell me where it is?”

Unable to deny Phil anything when Phil’s hands, his _lips_ , were on him, Dan gave in and pointed under the coffee table with little to no more resistance.

“Thank you,” Phil whispered, and kissed Dan again.

Dazed, Dan watched Phil lean over to retrieve the unreadable case, and move to put the movie in. At the movement, Dan found himself staring at Phil’s bum, and the soft curve of it pressed against his jeans. Dan licked his lips, and was unable to drag his gaze away again until Phil stood back up.

Trying to pull himself back together, Dan shook his head, hoping to rid himself of his blush and the warm feeling in his chest flirting with Phil brought him, Dan settled back down on the sofa and got settled so that he could cuddle with Phil.

Once the movie was in the DVD player, Phil grabbed the TV remote, and returned to Dan’s side. This time, he sat down on the sofa next to Dan, close enough that their thighs were touching, and lifted his arm to press along the back of the sofa, softly nudging Dan’s shoulders.

The feeling was casual, but affectionate, and made Dan warm all over. He had flashbacks to pulling the same move on his ex-girlfriend on their same date, but it was more awkward, more forced, more contrived. This, though… this was good. It was perfect.

Grinning, Dan dropped his head onto Phil’s shoulder, and allowed himself to sink into the giddy, warm feeling that was trying to take up residence in his bones.

“So what are we watching?” Dan asked, wanting to distract himself a little bit from the utterly overwhelming sensation working its way through him. Rather than answering, Phil hummed, and fiddled with the TV remote.

Dan watched, fascinated, as Phil fast forwarded through what looked like a bunch of DIsney adverts, before the title screen came up.

“Wall-E?” Dan asked, nearly vibrating in his seat.

“Obviously!” Phil teased, rolling his eyes. “You _did_ say it was your favorite Disney film,” he explained, and dropped an easy kiss to the top of Dan’s head.

It really was, and Dan could remember mentioning that to Phil, he just hadn’t expected _Phil_ to remember. It had been a kind of throw away comment, so the fact that Phil had held onto it, been interested enough in Dan to want to _remember_ it, made Dan’s heart swell and the entire situation feel more real.

Dan couldn’t help wondering what else Phil remembered. He’d have to ask, sometime, try and dig into Phil’s secrets and embarrass him, all the while finding out just how enamoured Phil was with him. The thought was an exciting. Dan moved to settle more comfortably against Phil as Phil pressed play and the movie began.

Phil shifted his arm from its casual position on the back of the sofa, to Dan’s actual shoulders, and pulled Dan in closer.

Dan practically purred at the touch. He wanted to remain like this forever.

In a way, Dan got his wish. They stayed pressed together just like that for the majority of the movie, giggling together over cute scenes, and more than occasionally leaning for a sweet kiss that always magically turned into so _much more_.

They just couldn’t seem to stop making out. It was something about the newness of being together and the incredible sensation that kissing seemed to bring.

They didn’t take any further than that, though. Dan didn’t push it, even if a small part of him wanted to, and neither did Phil. Phil sometimes carded his fingers through Dan’s hair or massaged at his scalp, pressed a few kisses to the top of his head and his forehead, but never anything more than that, and Dan just kind of… basked in it all.

He couldn’t believe it was happening. Phil was a natural at the affectionate touches, but that didn’t surprise Dan all that much. Phil was a touchy feely kind of guy, so it made sense it would translate well outside of sex. Dan just… couldn’t believe he was here.

Twelve days ago he’d thought he was just going to get an orgasm out of all of this, and eight days ago he’d worried that Phil was just going to use him and throw him away, but now?

Now, Phil was holding onto Dan like he was something precious, and Dan was staring up at him in awe, because Phil had said _I love you_. Phil… was in love with him.

Dan was Phil’s first love.

And hopefully Phil’s last, too.

God, he hoped he didn’t fuck this up.

They were so caught up in each other that they almost missed the fact that the movie had finished. Dan might love Wall-E, might think it was the best Disney movie to date, but Phil was better. Phil would probably always be better - better than any movie - so Dan could hardly be blamed for focusing more of his attention on making out with Phil, joking with Phil, curling into Phil.

Still, it was kind of embarrassing to be jostled apart at the sound of the credits rolling, and both Dan and Phil jumped apart with a surprised laugh.

They popped in a second movie, this one a title that Dan didn’t recognize (not that he cared), and spent the entirety of that one making out, too. By the time dinner rolled around, Dan’s lips were numb, and his body a warm flush of arousal that he couldn’t quite shake.

Actually eating dinner, though, was another affair.

This time, Dan ended up sat actually in Phil’s lap while they ate a pizza Phil that had ordered in. They didn’t feed each other this time so much as they just kind of messed around, kissing and flicking each others’ noses on the sofa while they tried to eat. Phil made funny faces and crossed his eyes at Dan, giggling when it made Dan groan and shove him in the shoulder to get him to stop.

The TV was on but neither of them were much paying attention to it anymore, far more concerned with their own little conversation in the tiny bubble that was currently their entire world. There was the small trade of personal secrets, tiny memories that hurt more than either of them seemed willing to admit, as they sat together, just basking in each other’s presence. There was something more intimate about the lateness of the hour, the fact that they’d rolled straight over into 9 o'clock already, that brought out their inner thoughts, and allowed them both to open up to each other even more than they ever had in the past.

Dan was living for it. He was living for the gentle caresses of his lower back, the reassuring smiles, and the promises that Phil would fight every monster in Dan’s life - including his brain. They both knew Phil couldn’t fix Dan, couldn’t save him in every way, or take away the past or foresee the pains of the future, but the fact that Phil was ready to stand at Dan’s side and fight along side him was enough.

Dan did his best to promise Phil the same, but he wasn’t the linguistics major, and he found his ability to form words had dissolved into nothing more than promises that Dan would never leave Phil’s side.

They were promises that were true, but not beautiful enough to comprise how much Dan meant them.

It was a little dramatic, when neither of them knew what was going to come their way in the future. But right then, they needed the hope, and Dan would do his best to keep that promise.

Eventually, dinner did come to an end, however. They didn’t eat as much pizza as Phil had ordered, not as much as they’d had pancakes that morning, but they did demolish a good portion of it. They shoved the rest in Phil’s fridge for tomorrow morning - or, if Dan had hisway, a post sex 3am snack - and headed upstairs to do the collab Phil was very much so committed to filming with Dan while he was here.

The energy between them shifted as they both switched into a more productive, creative mode. Dan plopped down on Phil’s floor with a pencil and paper to start writing down questions to ask Phil and Phil collapsed on top of his bed, head hanging off backwards next to Dan’s shoulder as he started searching through the twitter hashtag they had set up earlier.

“Here’s a good one,” Phil said, and Dan started writing.

There were hundreds of questions, far more than Dan or Phil had really expected, many repeats from multiple sources, or different questions from the same handles. They did their best to keep things mixed up and not take ones only from one user and not limit the chances of others, but it was difficult to narrow the questions down. Eventually, Dan decided to take notes of a few questions that Phil and he both agreed might not _actually_ end up in the video, but had the potential for funny answers - most notably, “Why do you always make cat whiskers on your face?”

“Have you ever done that before?” Dan asked, laughing hysterically at the way Phil had read it out with the most confused tone of voice Dan had ever heard. Phil let out a strange squeak, and shook his head, lips turning up as he started to laugh too.

“No?” he replied, rolling onto his side as the laughter became more hysterical. “I don’t know where that came from, but now I’m thinking we should draw some on our face for the video.”

Dan jotted the question down when he was able to get his laughter under control, and then dropped the pad of paper to the floor.

“Okay, that’s enough questions. Now come here for a minute,” Dan insisted, and climbed up onto the bed to kiss Phil. They ended up on their sides with Phil’s fingers stroking over the skin of Dan’s hip, and Dan’s hands bunched up in Phil’s shirt in order to drag him closer still. Dan felt starved for Phil’s touch, and he knew it was a little bit ridiculous - they’d spent all day touching, and Dan couldn’t handle a few moments away from Phil?

He just couldn’t help himself, moaning loudly against Phil’s lips when their kisses grew more heated, even deeper than they had been all day. That seemed to be the worst decision Dan could make, because Phil pulled away instantly afterwards, eyes shining with mirth.

“Daa _aaaan_ ,” Phil whined, playful. “Stop distracting me, we need to fi _iiiiilm_. If you behave yourself I’ll make it worth your while,” he added with a wink, grinning seductively even as he pulled away from Dan and left him cold and abandoned in the middle of the bed.

Dan groaned at the teasing, but rolled off the bed as well. He knew how much Phil wanted to film with him, and Dan was really excited too, he just… really liked kissing Phil.

“Fine. But you better give me the best orgasm ever or I won’t forgive you,” Dan complained reaching up to fix his hair in an attempt to make it look _less_ like he’d just been making out with Phil.

Phil’s grin only seemed to widen at the words.

“Dan, I’m pretty sure I already have. Aren’t I the only person to ever successfully get you off? No one’s ever gonna can top that but me.”

Dan’s cheeks flushed red. He gaped at Phil, mortified that Phil would bring that _up_ , and leaned over Phil’s bed to pick up a pillow.

“Shut up!” he moaned, chucking the soft object at Phil’s head as roughly as he could. He missed, and while Phil yelped and attempted to dodge the flying object, it went awry and landed on the bed. Dan groaned as Phil started to laugh, and shoved his face in his hands.

“I hate you,” Dan complained, even though he knew it wasn’t true. Despite the deep flush on his cheeks, Dan knew that he was irrevocably in love with Phil.

Strangely quietly, Phil rounded the bed and surprised Dan when he wrapped his arms around Dan’s shoulders, dragging him into a hug. Gently, Phil pressed a kiss to the top of Dan’s head, and despite the fact that he was still kind of laughing, said, “I’m sorry. I love you.”

Dan couldn’t stop the fact that the words, and the touch, made him smile.

“Love you, too,” Dan snarked back, rolling his eyes, but holding Phil tighter nonetheless.

The hug ended before Dan was necessarily ready. Phil’s arms retreated, and though he offered Dan another soft smile, Phil pulled away and pointed towards Dan’s luggage case.

“I think we both need to get suitably dressed if we’re going to film.”

Groaning, Dan stared down at the pajama bottoms he’d pulled on that morning, and regretfully started to peel them off his legs. He might as well look his best for a video he was going to appearin on Phil’s channel. Once Dan had stepped out of the pajama bottoms, he reached behind himself to pull his shirt over his head, only to hear Phil whine behind him.

Tugging the fabric all the way off, Dan turned to Phil with a quizzical look.

“You looked so hot in my shirt,” Phil bemoaned. Surprised, Dan stared for a moment, before a cocky grin lifted the corners of his lips.

Dan had failed pretty pretty spectacularly in the past two days of unraveling Phil properly, so to know that wearing Phil’s clothes got to Phil, Dan figured he’d do it again. As soon as possible. Tonight if he could.

With a wink, Dan promised Phil as much.

“Maybe I’ll wear your clothes more often then.”

Phil moaned again as Dan moved to his luggage bag, and started to shuffle through out for a more appropriate filming outfit. He rolled his eyes at Phil’s complaining, but Dan secretly loved the distressed sound, and the fact that Phil liked seeing Dan in his clothes. It felt like another level of intimacy that Dan was glad to have now. Before, he hadn’t been able to wear his ex-girlfriend’s clothes, and since they were so young, she never went beyond wearing Dan’s sweatshirts, and that… wasn’t quite the same.

With one last wistful sigh as Dan tugged a black shirt over his head, Phil got to working changing out of his shirt, though he was luckier than Dan and was only wearing a pair of boxers other than that. Dan sneaked a glance over his shoulder to see Phil stripping out of his shirt as well, and yanking on a pair of black jeans. A little sad that Phil was covering up all that wonderfully pale skin, Dan pulled his gaze away, and yanked out a pair of jeans for himself.

Once both boys were dressed, Dan retrieved Phil’s bedding and tasked himself with making the bed. While Dan straightened the covers, Phil set up his camera - something that made a combination of terror and excitement curl in Dan’s belly. He was about to _film_ with _Phil._ ith _AmazingPhil_. Not only that, but Dan was getting a chance to see _firsthand_ how Phil filmed.

Up until now, Dan had really only had his own frame of reference for how to go about filming, so to see Phil going through his own process was rewarding, comforting, and a learning experience. Phil’s method was much the same as Dan’s, proving that Dan was not quite as much out of his league as he’d originally thought he was.Even the things he didn’t know were somewhat stylistic or easy to learn.

Finally, Phil settled down on the floor next to Dan, handed Dan the paper where Dan had scrawled the quetisons, and set the camera to start recording. Dan’s heart launched into his throat, but he grinned instantly as the excitement started to properly flow through him.

This was it.

They were doing this.

Together.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra big thanks to [@imnotinclinedtomaturity](http://imnotinclinedtomaturity.tumblr.com) once again. I finished my final edit while they were on a plane and got excited to post so any existing mistakes are mine and mine alone, but the fact that this is as good as it is is still all thanks to Kat hahaha. We’re nearly done, guys!!
> 
> This is technically the last *real* esque chapter of the fic. You can easily stop reading here and feel that it’s been completed. However, Kat did convince me to write a sort of epilogue type chapter that I did end up writing, and which only needs serious editing before I feel comfortable posting it. Therefore, I hope you guys will look out for that and read it when it’s posted, but for all intents and purposes, the overall storyline finishes here, and I think… that you guys will be happy with how it goes.
> 
> Thank you for all of your support, and I will likely see you next week with chapter 7.

Filming with Phil was an incredible experience that Dan wouldn’t change for the world. Despite the part of him that wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed with Phil, touching and kissing for the rest of their lives, Dan could not deny that getting the chance to share their passion - YouTube - was also one of the best feelings in the world. He wanted to do this for the rest of their lives as well, appearing on each other’s channels, filming videos together, and living out a dream that neither of them were really sure would actually… happen.

Still. Dan was enjoying this chance to try YouTube _with_ Phil, was so fucking happy that Phil had pushed Dan into following his dreams, that he’d encouraged Dan and helped him get up off the floor in follower counts, and that now he was giving Dan the opportunity to _film_ with him.

It was something that Dan had never quite dared to imagine, never quite dared to hope for. Phil didn’t really collab on his channel. He was part of a few YouTube community channels, and he worked with other youtubers, but not like _this_. Dan had never had the frame of reference to imagine that he’d actually get to be someone Phil would bring onto his main channel, and even though he’d known for a couple of weeks now that Phil _wanted_ to, it was entirely different to actually be _doing_ it.

Now that Dan had gotten the chance to experience it, he never wanted it to end. There was no question in Dan’s mind that Phil was having just as much fun as he was, judging by the way he laughed and smiled as he moved, staring at Dan from to time with huge, bright eyes. Filming with Phil was _fun_ , far less awkward than filming by himself had been, and was helping Dan to loosen up so he didn’t look quite so terrified on camera, didn’t look like he was trying too hard.

Dan just hoped he could bring this aspect of filming back home when he was inevitably alone again, and unsure when he’d next get to see Phil.

Phil’s Q&A mostly consisted of Dan reading off questions from his sheet of paper as dutifully as he could, and laughing at Phil as he answered them in increasingly joking and zany ways. Dan could tell Phil was doing his best to maintain a kind of serious edge, as if he were giving the questions serious thought, but at the same time, he was careful to walk that fine ledge he’d created for _AmazingPhil_.

For a moment, Dan wondered if Phil ever got tired of playing up a character for his channel. He wondered if Phil regretted the fact that he had to act louder, more brash and fun, than he actually was just for a couple thousand views and the, apparently, minimal pay check he got out of it from adsense. But as Dan watched Phil, laughing and rolling around on the floor in glee, smiling for the camera and enjoying himself in a way that Dan could tell was something almost out of character for the _real_ Phil, he realized that no… no this was part of the fun for Phil.

 _AmazingPhil_ wasn’t just a persona. It was a part of Phil that Phil didn’t normally feel safe, or brave enough, to expose to the world. It was a part of Phil that Phil couldn’t be every single day, but clearly wanted to be at least _some of the time_. As Dan watched Phil move, and laugh, and claw at the camera, Dan realized that it was okay that he wanted to do the same thing.

It was okay that Dan wanted danisnotonfire to be a better, funnier, quirkier than he was in real life. Dan had grown up being bullied for being different, so for a long time, he’d tried to bury that part of him. Dan hoped that through _danisnotonfire_ he could bring that person back to the forefront of his life, and not only be relatable, but a beacon of hope to generations to come.

As Dan asked questions, and Phil answered them, Dan found himself growing more and more distracted by Phil than the actual filming. They both moved around a lot, rather than sitting, static, on the floor in front of Phil’s camera, and Dan was grateful for the distracted air because he kept finding himself staring at Phil, questions forgotten, as he took in the beauty of this man he’d found himself in love with.

Phil was just… magnetic. He had this over the top personality, both in real life and on the internet, that was just so much fun to experience. Dan found himself wanting to look at Phil, instead of the camera. He found himself wanting to touch Phil, no matter what that would mean to their audience. He found himself shoving random _AmazingPhil_ objects into Phil’s face, licking at his Wall-E figurine, and generally make a fool out of himself in an attempt to not only gain Phli’s attention on _him_ , but to distract himself from the fact that he wanted nothing more than to kiss Phil.

The cat whiskers that Phil had drawn on both of their faces was only heightening the experience for Dan. Phil looked so fucking _cute_ that Dan was dying for it. Once the permanent marker touched Dan’s face, he couldn’t seem to help himself anymore. He leaned into Phil’s space, and kissed him, warm and a little bit messy, their noses bumping against each other eagerly. Dan’s hands found Phil’s hair, and dug in quickly, rucking up the black strands because he _could_ , and because he _wanted_ too, and because Phil looked hot when he was disheveled.

Despite being caught off guard by the show of affection, Phil sunk into the kiss easily enough. His own hands found Dan’s cheeks, and he brushed his fingers along his cheekbones gently, caressing Dan and keeping the kiss affectionate, rather than overwhelmingly hot.

Dan didn’t have it in him to be disappointed when he was practically bouncing off the walls in happiness. He got to have this. He got to have all of Phil.

They kissed for a little while, probably longer than they should have, considering they were filming, but Phil didn’t complain, so Dan figured it was all right. When they did pull apart, though, Phil leaned in to pepper Dan’s face in happy little kisses, giggling all the while, as almost a subtle reassurance that Phil didn’t mind the interruption.

Once he properly pulled away, he ruffled up his hair in an attempt to fix it, and turned to the camera with a raunchy smile.

 

“Too bad we’re editing that out,” he joked, winking seductively, and laughing when Dan reached out to shove him. “Hey!” he complained.

Dan leaned in and kissed him again to shut him up.

They kept at it. Phil’s camera caught every single moment between them, even the ones Dan knew they’d cut out, or the trips of Phil’s tongue when he said something wrong and shook his head to start over. They filmed a few bits, Phil’s expression turning serious for just a moment as he realized they’d fucked it up, and insisted that Dan do it again. It was fun to watch, the constant switch back and forth of Phil giggling over his own ridiculousness, and stopping to contemplate how the video was actually going to pan out.

All the while, Dan kept kissing him. He got Phil onto the bed a few times, and pushed him back against the pillows, rumpling them and Phil up enough to make their video a little ungainly and probably a little telling, but Dan didn’t care, and Phil didn’t complain - okay, maybe he did a little bit, but Dan could tell that he was joking. They kissed, and rubbed at each other’s face, and even found themselves grinding on each other more than once, but Phil always had the willpower to stop it and drag them back to their purpose, promises on his lips that after, _after_ , Phil would take care of Dan.

The words sent shivers up Dan’s spine, and gave him a renewed kind of energy to keep going, to keep working at it, to help Phil make the best Q&A of all time.

But that didn’t stop him from joking with Phil.

“Would you ever fuck a fan?” Dan asked, leaning against Phil’s pillows while Phil sat on the floor in front of the camera. It wasn’t a question from twitter, or from Dan’s piece of paper, but he didn’t care. He’d dropped a few of his own bombs in here, some funny, some ridiculous, and some _just for them_. He was sure that Phil would edit this one out.

Choking out a hearty laugh, Phil pushed himself up off the floor and turned to stare at Dan. His lips were curled up in a fond smile as he rolled his eyes.

“Maybe,” he said, doing his best to smirk at Dan. The edges of his lips were still curled in a delighted smile, though, and it was clear from the way his eyes sparkled that he was enjoying playing along. “Depends on how hot they were,” he added with a wink.

Dan laughed, shaking his head, a little too giddy for the seductive moment he’d been trying to plan out, but he didn’t care. He raised his eyebrows and wiggled them at Phil, spreading his legs out a little and shifting backwards to lie spread out on Phil’s pillows.

“Is that right?” he teased, “Then will this do?”

Dan tossed his head a little, making his hair messy, and tried for a seductive smile. His hands moved to drop the paper at his side, and push up the hem of his shirt a little, showing off a little bit of his tummy. Slowly, he tilted his head for extra added effect, exposing the long line of his throat to Phil’s thirsty eyes.

Phil groaned, and he gave in. Eyes dark with want, Phil climbed on top of the bed and crawled over Dan’s body. His mouth found Dan’s instantly, kissing him indecently, tongue everywhere. Dan couldn’t even begin to imagine what it might look like on camera, and only wished for a moment that his and Phil’s heads were on the other end of the bed so Dan could watch this back later and see just how hot it looked when he and Phil kissed.

Dan’s hands weaved into Phil’s hair, drawing him closer still, until their bodies pressed down against each other’s. Phil felt good on top of Dan, and it was only made better when Phil dragged his mouth from Dan’s and started kissing along his jaw line, nipping at Dan’s skin and sending flashes of pleasure through Dan’s body. Dan’s fingers tugged at Phil’s hair a bit, and then moved to the hem of Phil’s shirt, sliding up under it and gripping tight to pale skin. Dan scratched lightly in an attempt to leave his mark, in an attempt to relieve some of the tension coiling up inside of him, begging for release.

They made out like that for a while, Phil grinding his hips down on Dan’s and making it clear that he was aroused, but never letting it push any further. Rather than undressing Dan the way Dan wanted him to, Phil drew away from particularly sensitive areas to kiss Dan over and over again, panting against Dan’s lips, and smearing both of their cat whiskers until they were more smudges against their face, than actual drawings.

“We should stop,” Phil murmured against Dan’s lips. “We’ve got a video to film.”

“I don’t want to stop,” Dan complained, drawing Phil back in for another kiss. Phil opened up to him eagerly enough, but he didn’t let it go on for very long. He swiped his tongue alongside Dan’s, bit at his full bottom lip, and drew away, panting.

“Come on, Dan. Just a little longer,” Phil insisted. His eyes were dark. It was clear he wanted Dan just as much as Dan wanted Phil, but Phil was right. They needed to finish filming.

And then Dan planned to ravish Phil.

Pouting a little, Dan sighed and pushed himself backwards so he could sit up. Phil took that as his cue to climb off of Dan, and he pushed himself to his feet next to the bed. The sheet of paper holding the questions for the Q&A had fallen to the floor, so Phil reached over and picked them up for Dan.

If Dan stared at Phil’s bum when he did so, he couldn’t quite be blamed.

They went back to filming. It wasn’t easy, when Dan kept finding his eyes drawn to Phil’s lips, to his dick and the way it looked jammed inside of his jeans, still hard and difficult to hide. Dan and Phil tried to stay sat on the floor, lower bodies hidden, so that it wouldn’t be quite so obvious that they were aroused.

They still couldn’t keep their hands off of each other, and that definitely wasn’t helping to cool down their erections, but they did do their best to stop kissing and messing around so that they could keep themselves on track trying to film.

Until they had finished.

They were filming an end screen, or at least attempting too, when Dan said “this is the most fun I have ever had,” and Phil, rather than replying in an equally sappy way, launched himself at Dan.

Dan’s head just narrowly missed cracking against the set of drawers behind him, and he landed with an “ooph!” on the floor with Phil on top of him. Phil was giggling, pressing kisses into the crook of Dan’s neck, something Dan knew they’d have to edit out, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Arms awkward, Dan reached around Phil’s waist to hold him, and allowed himself this one little moment.

Clearly, it wasn’t meant to stop there, though.

Phil’s affectionate touch seemed to spur a more affectionate ending to the video, with the two of them doing dorky hand hearts and laughing into each other’s chests. They leaned in close to the camera to say goodbye, and, cracking his back a little, laughing and feeling all over _warm_ , Dan stood and sat on the edge of Phil’s bed.

Phil sat down next to him, grinning and looking so fucking _hot_ , that Dan couldn’t stop himself. He pushed Phil backwards, climbed on top of him, and kissed him breathless. Phil moaned into the touch, using his feet to push himself back and up towards the pillows. Dan followed him, never once letting their mouths stay parted for long, groaning against the warm heat and the sudden pulse of his dick as it realized that now, _now_ , they were getting somewhere.

Dan knew they needed to decide if they wanted to film any extra parts, or wanted to redo something that might have gone wrong. He knew they should stop and review the footage before they moved on to anything else, but Dan didn’t care. He just wanted to touch Phil.

He’d meant to stop the kiss before it went _too_ far, but, well... One moment he was laying on top of Phil, hands pushing up under the bottom of his button up shirt, and the next moment, Phil had shoved them both backwards on the bed so Dan’s head was nearly falling off the bottom, and Phil’s mouth was attached to his neck.

“You suck, Howell,” Phil groaned against the skin. His hips rocked forward, erection pressing into Dan’s thigh, making it very clear what Phil wanted. Dan let out a soft moan, no longer giving a shit about the camera that was still filming, nor about how much editing Phil was going to have to do later. All he could think about was how badly he wanted Phil to tear his clothes off of him and fuck him into the mattress.

Besides. They were technically done filming, right?

Right.

Phil’s lips nipped along Dan’s collarbones, dragging at the collar of Dan’s black shirt and pushing it down with his chin so he could get at more of Dan’s skin. Dan’s hands found Phil’s hair and tugged hard, forcing Phil’s mouth away and dragging it back up to Dan’s.

Phil huffed into the kiss, licking into Dan’s mouth and showing him a passion that Dan hadn’t even quite seen last night. It was deeper and more meaningful, but just as carnal and hungry. Dan twisted his fingers into Phil’s hair, holding tight to him as his hips jerked up and he ground his own insistent erection into Phil’s stomach.

This did nothing but earn Dan a quick nip to his lip, and he groaned at the feeling of it. He liked this Phil, a little rough at the edges and a little out of control. It was a nice counterpart to what he’d been last night, and that morning. Last night Phil had mostly maintained that flirty, sex god persona that Dan had known for so long now, while this morning had been a little more tender, a little more sweet, but _both_ times Phil had kept himself in check, hadn’t allowed himself to devour Dan like he was now.

And god, did it feel good.

Dan felt properly _wanted_. He felt like someone who could take Phil apart and put him back together again the same way Phil had done it to him the past day and a half. He felt like he was in control even though he wasn’t, and it felt good. It felt so good that Dan felt a pulse of heat go straight to his dick, and he whined loudly against Phil’s lips.

“Shit,” Phil grunted, pulling away. “I want - god, Dan, I want you.”

“Good,” Dan quipped back, a little breathless. “Because I want you, too. Fuck me already, Lester. I’ve waited all day.”

Phil licked his lips, eyes heavy lidded and dark with arousal. His hips were rocking in little circles against Dan, and his face was a dark red. Dan could only imagine that the flush went down further, could only imagine how Phil’s cock looked right now.

Shit. Dan wanted to get his mouth on him.

“Can I suck you off?” Dan blurted out, before he could really think about it. His eyes went wide in surprise as it himself, despite the fact that now that he’d said it, he _really_ wanted to try it. Still. HIs cheeks went bright red and he drew his fingers back from Phil’s hair to trail them down Phil’s back.

Phil shivered at the touch, eyes closing as he breathed, the sound heavy and loud in the quiet room. Dan didn’t know if that was a yes or not, but he sure as fuck hoped it was, he sure has fuck hoped that the slight alarm on Dan’s face hadn’t made Phil think Dan didn’t truly want this.

“God, Dan, what you do to me,” Phil groaned, rather than answering. He rolled away without another word, and made quick work of his jeans. Dan propped himself up on his elbows, and watched as Phil worked his button and his zip down, fingers pushing under the waistband of the black jeans he’d pulled on and the boxers he’d been wearing all morning.

As quickly as he could, Phil started to shimmy out of the skin tight fabric. Still a little unsure of what this all might mean, but fairly certain it meant Phil was saying _yes_ , Dan bit his lip and watched as Phil revealed his glorious, pale skin, inch by torturous inch. Shaking himself out of it, Dan pushed himself off the bed, and started to wiggle out of his own jeans as well, desperate to get the chance to touch Phil for once and make _him_ fall apart.

Dan didn’t get very far with his jeans before Phil was interrupting him.

“Bathroom,” Phil said, eyes wide. “Get a glove. We’re - we’re going to need it.”

Dan moaned at the implication, and didn’t waste a second jumping from the bed. His jeans, now undone, started to sag, so Dan shoved them down his legs as he moved. In his rush, his pants ended up tangled around his feet and he nearly fell, much to Phil’s amusement behind him, but Dan didn’t care. He was far too focused on the fact that he was about to have _sex_ again. _With Phil_.

Yesterday, Dan had been embarrassed by the mess that anal apparently made, and the fact that Phil had been the one deal with it, considering he was one doing the prepping, the _fucking_ , but tonight? Tonight Dan could give less of a fuck. Phil knew what he was doing, knew what he was getting into, and he’d dealt with this on more than one occasion now. Dan was far more concerned with the fact that he was about to have sex with his boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

Was that what they were?

Suddenly, Dan felt like his world had shifted on its axis. He was half dressed, long black shirt barely covering his excited dick, and he was stood in Phil’s bathroom trying to find a pair of gloves, and yet he felt like he was in an entirely different world, rather than in Phil’s bedroom. All of the desperate desire from just a moment ago was gone, and replaced with a feeling closer to anxiety.

Boyfriend. Were he and Phil in a relationship? He was pretty sure they were, what with the confessions that morning and the fact that Phil had wanted to do nothing more than cuddle with Dan all day, making promises that they’d get to spend the rest of their lives together, but... They hadn’t exactly spelled it out, and a tiny part of Dan was afraid that he’d gotten this all wrong.

They were together, right? This meant something?

 _Of course it does_ , he berated himself, shaking his head and returning to the task at hand. _You know it does_. Yet, still. Dan couldn’t help biting his lip and thinking, _it doesn’t hurt to ask_.

Hands shaking with both arousal and a nervousness Dan couldn’t quite explain, Dan fumbled through the bathroom cabinets until he found a box of gloves. Tearing a few free, just in case, Dan scurried back out of the bathroom and back into Phil’s room, mind spinning with a combination of worried thoughts and heedy arousal. He wanted to have sex, like, right now, but at the same time, he wanted to _talk_ , and the two did _not_ go hand in hand easily.

Biting his lip, Dan turned the corner back into Phil’s room, and found Phil lying exactly where Dan had left him; on his back with his cock out. Only now, his shirt was unbuttoned too. His fingers were stroking languidly around his cock, pulling at it, and bringing it fully to life as Dan watched from the doorway. Dan nearly dropped the gloves at the sight. Phil just looked so _hot_ like that, all spread out, half dressed, waiting for Dan. His head was tossed back a little, showing off the long, pale expanse of his throat, and his eyes were closed as he bit his lip.

He wasn’t wearing anything but the unbuttoned shirt any more, far less dressed than Dan himself, and all the more gorgeous for it. Dan let out a small whimper that caught Phil’s attention, and his eyes fluttered open as he offered Dan a sexy grin.

“Come here,” he murmured.

Dan couldn’t say no to a request like that. He moved straight to the bed, fully intending on climbing on top of Phil and kissing him senseless, when he remembered something _else_ they were missing. Groaning, Dan dropped the gloves, and turned to scramble under Phil’s bed and find the bottle of lube and the pack of condoms they’d shoved under it before they’d started filming. He threw those on top of the bed too, and climbed on top of it without another thought.

“Thank god you remembered those,” Phil said, as Dan climbed on top of him. “I don’t think I would have been willing to let you go again to get them,” he joked, arching his neck up to kiss Dan deeply. Moaning against Phil’s lips, Dan let his eyes drift closed and sunk into the delicious feeling.

Dan was never going to get tired of kissing Phil.

As Dan held himself up with his hands on the bed either side of Phil, Phil’s hands moved to push at the hem of his shirt. His nails scratched lightly Dan’s skin, the touches a little rough, a little demanding, a little desperate - just the way they’d been before Dan had left the room.

It should have been fine. It was exactly what Dan had been craving, and yet...

Suddenly, Dan was feeling far too emotionally vulnerable. Of course he wanted quick, passionate sex with Phil. Of course he wanted to take Phil apart and make him beg for Dan… but. Suddenly, Dan felt a little bit too _open_.

His kisses became more hesitant, his body language a little more stiff, and he found himself stilling against Phil for the first time. For a moment, Phil kept kissing him, mouth opening to Dan’s and looking for more, but after a moment, Phil seemed to realize that something was wrong. Slowly, he pulled away with a little breathless whine, like didn’t _really_ want to stop kissing Dan, but he was going to do it anyway, because something was _wrong_.

Dan dropped his forehead against Phil’s shoulder in an attempt to hide his face and the fact that he suddenly felt intensely embarrassed at his own hesitation, slumping down onto Phil’s body helplessly, and unable to keep holding himself up when he wanted nothing more than to bury himself inside of Phil.

Phil let out a small little “ooph,” sound in response to the sudden weight change, but otherwise didn’t speak. He was still panting, but his hands had moved from Dan’s back to his hair, carefully smoothing it down like a lover might.

Phil _was_ his lover, if Dan really thought about it, it was just. He was being an insecure idiot, and he hated himself a little bit for it.

Why did he have to make everything so complicated? Couldn’t he just accept that he was Phil’s and Phil was his? Apparently, not, because Dan’s head just kept running itself in circles while Phil held him.

Phil didn’t ask him what was wrong. Dan kept waiting for him to speak, but Phil didn’t, and Dan didn’t know why. He was tense all over expecting the inevitable, but it never came, and Dan found himself letting out a grieved breath of air against Phil’s neck as he realized that Phil would forever be the most understanding person in Dan’s life.

Somehow, Phil knew that Dan just needed a moment, and in a way, Dan was incredibly grateful for that. A smaller part of him, the louder part of his brain just then, was upset, though, because it meant that Dan was going to have to be the one to break the silence and explain to Phil what was going on inside of his head.

“You okay?” Phil eventually mumbled when Dan didn’t speak up. His voice was a little husky, and it was clear that he was still… _definitely_ interested, and very much so aroused. His dick kept pressing into Dan’s thigh despite Phil doing his best to keep his hips still. Dan’s cock was pressed between their stomachs, still as hard as ever, but waning a bit with each passing second.

Dan sighed.

“What are we?” he forced himself to whisper, the words a soft sigh against Phil’s shoulder. Dan turned his head so he could tuck his face into Phil’s neck, embarrassed by the weak tone of his voice, and the fact that he’d had to ask in the first place.

Phil’s hands, which had up until that point been stroking gently through Dan’s hair, stilled.

Slowly, Phil turned to look at Dan with huge, blue eyes. Their gazes met, despite the fact that Dan didn’t _want_ them too, and he found himself caught up in a whirlwind of emotions.

Phil looked so _concerned_. His eyes were still dark with desire, but it was clear he was trying to draw himself out of it enough to focus on Dan and the question he’d just asked. Dan’s heart, which had started to race in his chest in fear of Phil’s answer, calmed, because Phil… Phil seemed ready to drop everything in a moment to help Dan work through whatever he might be feeling, for whatever reason, without making fun of him.

That was more than Dan had ever had, from anyone. Even his parents, and his ex girlfriend.

“Fuck, I’m so bad at this,” Phil grunted, shifting to embrace Dan around the waist with one arm, and rub soothingly down Dan’s spine with the other. His gaze was intense and sincere as he looked at Dan. “I didn’t think - I just thought… Dan, I thought it was pretty obvious what we are,” Phil whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to Dan’s forehead. Nevertheless, his gaze was still worried when he pulled back, and there was nothing about his tone of voice that hinted that Phil was annoyed he had to spell this out for Dan.

If anything, he sounded apologetic for not making it clearer earlier.

“I’m like… all in this, you know? You’re kind of… it, for me.” Phil grimaced at the choice of words, before laughing softly, and kissing Dan on the nose. “Look how cheesy you’ve made me, Howell,” he complained.

Dan giggled, the sound high and a little insecure, but _happy_. Undeniably happy. Phil too the moment to lean in and kiss the smile away from Dan’s lips, the angle a little awkward considering the position, but still good. Phil’s lips were soothing, warm, and familiar now. They were comforting, like coming _home_.

It felt so good, to be touched like this.

When Phil eventually pulled away, he sighed and dropped his head back onto the bed. Dan shifted on top of him to prop himself up, and allowed himself to grin down at Phil, already starting to feel a little better. Still, Phil didn’t seem quite done talking just yet.

“I guess we didn’t really talk about it,” Phil admitted, biting his bottom lip. “But, like. I definitely want… you know, to be with you. Like. Boyfriends, or partners, or whatever you want to call us,” he admitted, eyes wide as they flicked up to meet Dan’s. It was clear Phil was unsure, clear that he wasn’t used to this kind of thing, but Dan didn’t care. The words were enough to help him properly calm down. He leaned in to nuzzle his nose against Phil’s, and kissed him.

“Boyfriends sounds good,” he whispered, letting himself slip right back into the moment he’d interrupted before all this talk about boyfriends and loving each other and being all in. Phil’s mouth opened up to Dan’s, and they both tilted their heads to get in a little deeper. Phil sighed under Dan’s touch, his arms tightening around Dan’s waist, but despite the way Dan had intended to make the kiss just as heated as before, it ended up sweet and far more adoring.

“Boyfriends sounds good,” Phil repeated, the words sending a happy tingle down Dan’s spine.

As the kisses grew more and more heated, they didn’t get quite as carried away in the moment as before. Instead, they moved in a slow burn of sexual desire and mutual affection that in some ways, was better.

Besides. Dan knew there would be plenty of time in the future to have really intense, fast-paced sex full of passion and Dan and Phil _both_ losing it. But for right now, Dan kind of just wanted to savor the romantic, sweet atmosphere Phil had created for them both all afternoon.

Dan’s lips slipped from Phil’s in search of his neck, and he let himself leave a hickey against the pale skin as he moved. They’d finished filming, surely Phil wouldn’t mind _too_ much, and besides - Dan needed to leave his mark too. Phil had left him quite a few hickies this morning and last night.

As Dan mouthed at Phil’s neck, licking and biting at the tender skin just hard enough to leave a slight mark and make Phil whine under the touch, Dan trailed his lips lower and lower still. Phil’s fingers found his hair, carding through it and tugging lightly while his hips started rocking slowly. The feeling was erotic and wonderful all at the same time, causing Dan to moan against Phil’s skin as his lips found Phil’s collarbone and bit down sharply.

Phil’s chest arched up a little at the feeling, causing Dan to grin, and move further down Phil’s chest. He found himself nuzzling at the little tuft of Phil’s chest hair, before he moved further to circle his tongue around Phil’s nipple. Phil let out a soft sound, but he was no louder now than he’d been the past two times, which made Dan pout but no less turned on.

“My nipples aren’t as sensitive as yours,” Phil admitted when Dan sunk in to suck at one a little, slightly unsure because the pink nub wasn’t quite the same as Dan’s ex-girlfriend’s had been. Nonetheless, Dan worried it between his mouth a little, nipped, and pulled away.

“Where are you sensitive, then,” Dan asked, voice quiet. Phil tilted his chin down to look at Dan, and blinked, long and slow, like he was trying to collect his thoughts.

“My ribs,” Phil admitted after a moment, the words a little slurred, his breathing uneven.

Grinning, Dan returned to the task at hand, and started making his way down Phil’s body to his ribs. He ducked in close on the left side to bite into the soft bone, pleased when Phil’s hips jerked at the touch and he let out a soft hissing sound. Dan thought he could feel Phil yanking a little on his hair, and it caused him to close his eyes in pleasure of his own. It felt so _good_ to pleasure Phil and touch him in the spots that aroused _him_ , rather than the other way around for once.

Phil’s skin was so warm against Dan’s mouth as he made slow work trailing his lips against Phil’s ribs. It felt good, and so fucking enticing that Dan just wanted to mouth at Phil for forever. As Dan moved, licking over the sensitive skin and biting at key points, Phil’s fingers clutched tigther to his hair and he started to huff out more and more strained little noises. Dan like the way his mouth could make Phil’s body twitch and shudder under him, the fact that he was turning him on, and that Phil was slowly starting to unravel and lose that careful restraint he’d worked so hard to hold on to.

Dan’s teeth scraped across Phil’s body, and he licked at the dark red bruises he’d started to leave behind, just teetering over into purple. They looked so lovely pressed into Phil’s skin that Dan wanted to cover every last inch of Phil in similar marks, so he shifted so he could move to Phil’s right side, and mimic his earlier ministrations.

Phil’s body jolted in surprise at the sudden switch in pleasure, his hips arching a little until his cock was pressing into Dan’s stomach. Dan grinned at the reaction, but didn’t let up what he was doing with his mouth.

This was the first time he was getting to touch Phil, after all. He wanted to make it memorable. For both of them.

His mouth was careful in its dedication to Phil’s ribs, but that didn’t mean he was particularly gentle. He moved his mouth with short, deliberate actions, biting and sucking and licking every chance that he could get. He counted Phil’s ribs with the slow drag of his tongue over them, and counted them again on the way back down, mouthing the numbers against Phil’s body. Phil shivered at every brush of Dan’s lips, every bite, and every lick. His thighs shook under Dan, and Dan thought if he looked, Phil’s toes might be curling in pleasure.

If the way he panted and released tiny noises was any indication, the way he whined at Dan, Phil was very much so enjoying this.

As was Dan.

Once Phil’s right side was just as bruised and marked up as his left, and Dan was satisfied with the way he looked covered in Dan’s mark, Dan leaned back, shifting his body down so that he was straddling Phil’s thighs. His hands traced down Phil’s ribs, causing him to shiver again. Just as Dan had counted Phil’s ribs, he counted the lovebites he’d left: _one, two, three, four… fuck_. There were at least six on each side, with a few more blossoming. Dan smiled mischievously before shifting down Phil’s legs, refocusing on his target.

Rather than sitting on _top_ of Phil, Dan moved between his legs, and stared rather intently at the cock know hovering in front of his face. God, it was glorious. Just seeing how ready Phil was for him was making Dan excited, and he wanted nothing more than to get his mouth on him.

Phil, for the first time since Dan had started to suck at his ribs, propped himself up on his elbows and stared, wide eyed, at Dan sat between his legs. Phil’s cock twitched, clearly eager, but Phil looked a little bit concerned.

“Just - don’t take it too far, okay? Not everyone can, it’s fine. Just do whatever you’re most comfortable with.”

Dragging his eyes away from Phil’s cock, Dan stared up at Phil and nodded his head, but he knew already that he was going to push his own limits as much as he could, because that’s how Dan was. Not to mention, Phil had fucked two orgasms out of him, a feat Dan previously considered impossible. Phil deserved the best blowjob of his life just for _that_.

Or, well, at least the best that Dan could give him considering this would be his first one.

Settling his attention back on Phil’s cock as it lay in front of him, Dan licked his lips at the sight of it. It was warm and flush against Phil’s stomach, pulsing and waiting for Dan to do something with it. Leaning in a little, Dan stuck his tongue out and licked experimentally at the stretch of skin just above the base of Phil’s cock. It twitched violently in reaction, and Phil let out a soft huff, his eyes going a little glassy as his elbows slipped and he fell back on the bed. The reaction made Dan feel more confident, and he licked at Phil’s dick again, just to get used to what it felt like, to get more comfortable with the fact that he was about to give a blowjob to his best friend.

To his _boyfriend_.

Groaning a little, Dan reached out to grasp Phil’s cock in his hand, wrapping his fingers around the thick base and pumping it up and down a few times. Phil’s thighs jerked and quivered at the touch, a gasp leaking from his lips. Dan nearly moaned himself at the feel of Phil in his hand, all soft and sliky.

His cock only felt a little different from Dan’s, a little heavier, a little thicker. He was leaking precum from his foreskin now, a sight that made Dan’s stomach swoop in appreciation. Dan licked his lips, and allowed himself to grow a little more comfortable with the feeling of Phil’s dick in his hand before he leaned over and took Phil into his mouth.

Instantly, the salty taste of precum hit him. It was a little bitter, and not the nicest flavor in the world, but Dan ignored it in favor of stretching his lips around Phil’s cock and taking him a little deeper so that he was filling Dan’s mouth. Phil whimpered above him, reaching out to tangle his fingers in Dan’s hair and tightening around the soft strands before falling away again just as quickly. Dan whined a little at the brief contact, but Phil ignored him.

When Dan opened his eyes to find out _why_ , he found that Phil was practically clawing at the bedsheets.

Fuck. That was a sight to see. Dan moaned a little around Phil’s dick, fingers starting to move at the parts of Phil that he couldn’t reach, his mouth bobbing experimentally. Phil’s hips jerked a little at the touch, an encouraging reaction to Dan, who smiled and started to suck while he was at it.

He didn’t really know what went into a blow job, but he did know what he liked when he was receiving one, knew what one looked like thanks to the porn he’d seen, and had even read a little bit about how it went, so he knew to bob his head and to close his lips tight and to suck as often as he could. Tongue was good too, he’d heard, but even with all of that advice, the internet had warned Dan that it would really all come down to what each individual guy preferred.

Dan hadn’t wanted to ruin the atmosphere they’d built up by asking Phil what he liked, so he figured he’d just try a little bit of everything. Besides, it seemed to be working. Phil wasn’t complaining.

His thighs flexed under Dan, and his fingers bunched at the sheets. His hips rocked into the touch a little, and he let out a slow slew of rumbly noises that were quiet but _oh so satisfying_.

Dan was pleased with himself, but not quite pleased enough. He wanted _more_. He wanted to give Phil everything that Dan knew felt good, and if there was one thing Dan knew, it was the fact that the more wet heat engulfed your cock, the better.

Deep throating wasn’t really an option at that point. It felt like a necessity to Dan.

Shifting around a little as his neck began to ache, Dan got more comfortable on top of Phil, doing his best to keep up the slow movements he was making. He kept his head bobbing, did his best to suck around Phil, and prepared himself to go against what Phil had suggested.

Once Dan was comfortable, and he thought he’d be able to keep a tighter grip on his gag reflex, he removed his hand from Phil’s dick, and, without warning, sunk down onto Phil as low as he could. Phil’s cock filled his mouth, the sensation heady and erotic. Dan felt himself beginning to choke a little, tears filling the corners of his eyes as Phil got deeper and deeper, but he didn’t pull back because Phil was _moaning_.

Phil was fucking moaning above him, something he’d only done properly _once_ , the sound loud and needy. It felt like it boomed throughout the room, sending heat flooding down to Dan’s dick. It twitched angrly, and Dan moaned around Phil himself, gagging a little and pulling back up, only for Phil’s hips to follow him.

“So-so-sorry!” Phil gasped, trying to settle down. HIs hips were twitching uncontrollably though, and Dan _didn’t mind_. The fact that Phil couldn’t _help_ himself was impossibly enticing.

Dan sunk back down on him again.

The next sound out of Phil’s mouth was entirely unintelligible, but just as loud as the first, if not louder. Phil’s hips came up off the bed of their own accord, shoving Phil’s dick deeper into Dan’s mouth. He felt it hit the back of his throat hard, could almost feel his lips touching the base, when he gagged. The feeling forced Dan back some, despite him not wanting to pull back, and caused Phil to whimper, his dick beginning to pulse aggressively in Dan’s mouth.

Dan groaned around Phil. The sensation of giving Phil so much pleasure was curling heat inside of Dan’s gut, making his head fuzzy with the desire to do more, to push for _more_ , so he sunk back down onto Phil greedily. His lips inched down Phil’s cock and pulled back up, Dan’s movements becoming more slick and smooth, his mouth taking more and more with each bob. Phil was making noises Dan hadn’t heard from him yet, and all Dan wanted to do was keep it _going_.

Phil, on the other hand, did not.

Fingers gripped tight to Dan’s hair, tugging until Dan was forced to pull off of Phil’s cock and stare up at him instead.

“Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,” Phil whimpered, sitting up as he dragged Dan up his body. Dan dis his best to follow the movement, wobbling a little as he was shifted to sit half on top of Phil, chest pressed to Phil’s, and lips dragged almost immediately into a heated kiss. Goosebumps exploded on Dan’s skin as Phil’s hands shifted down his body, squeezing at Dan’s bare bum, and rucking up the bottom of Dan’s shirt. Dan moaned against Phil’s lips, breathless with want.

“Ne-need to sto-stop,” Phil managed to gasp out, dragging his mouth from Dan’s and collapsing back on the bed. Hands slick with sweat, and a little uncoordinated from the quick shift in position _anyway_ , Dan fell too, collapsing on Phil’s chest for a second time.

He was quick to adjust himself, however, shifting to push himself back into a sitting position, straddling Phil’s thighs. Grinning smugly, Dan stared down at the mess he’d made of Phil, at the way his cock was twitching and leaking precum. It felt good to be the cause of such a debauched look.

Phil’s dick was hard and red, and the sight of it dribbling all over Phil’s tummy made Dan think that Phil had been close, _very_ close. It was a bit of knowledge that made Dan’s dick jump against his own belly, and his heart swoop in his chest.

He’d done that. _He’d_ done that.

“Fuck,” Phil gasped, when he seemed to have gotten a hold of himself. “Fuck, Dan, I…”

Clearly, he was at a loss for words. Dan laughed, the sound giddy, because the only other time Phil had sounded like that, he’d been fucking Dan. This time, _Dan_ had unwound him.

Half heartedly, Phil frowned at him.

“Shut up.”

“What? I didn’t say anything,” Dan teased, unable to help himself. Phil, in retaliation, reached out to smack at Dan’s legs, missing completely and hitting his own instead. Phil’s thigh twitched, and he moaned, tossing his head on the bed.

“St _oooop_ ,” he whined. His forehead was dripping in sweat, now that Dan was really looking at him, and his entire chest was flushed a dark red that almost rivaled his dick. Dan laughed giddly again, and went to straddle Phil, no longer caring if he jostled him too much. Phil moaned at the feeling of their cocks rubbing against each other, and Dan looked down to take in the sight of the two of them together.

Phil was almost completely naked, with just his button up shirt sitting on his shoulders, but Dan was still wearing his dark shirt from earlier, the collar stretched a little but otherwise completely covering Dan’s torso. His dick was peeking out from under the worn fabric, rubbing at Phil’s, and sending sparks of pleasure up both of their spines. Dan was _living_ for it.

He wished he could get a picture of this moment, but instead, he leaned down to kiss Phil and swallow his next moan. The fact that Phil seemed unable to stop making the noises sent a shiver up Dan’s spine. He’d finally broken down that careful control Phil always seemed to hold onto. It was nice to finally feel like Dan had properly taken Phil apart.

Phil’s lips were wet and a little uncoordinated on Dan’s. It was clear he was still trying to get his bearings after the blowjob, still trying to hold himself together, so Dan took lead in the kiss and coaxed Phil into a more gentle rhythm. The kiss was sweet, overall, affectionate, and a wonderful reminder to Dan that this was so much more to both of them then Dan had thought the night before.

In a way, it made the moment so much more intense, so much _better_ , because there were no worried questions swirling around in Dan’s mind, and no concern that this would be the last time.

Far from it, if Dan could help it.

Eventually, Phil seemed to get a hold of himself, and rolled them both over so that Dan was the one lying on his back, and Phil was on top of him. It was so much like last night that Dan shivered in anticipation, wondering how it would differ this time. Everytime with Phil felt like a new, wonderful experience.

Dan hoped it would always felt like that between them.

The movement caused Dan to roll onto the lube, condoms, _and_ glove, a reminder of what was to come, and Dan groaned a little, reaching under himself to dig them out. When he did, he realized just how close they’d rolled to the edge of the bed. His head was practically falling off the back end, so that if he opened his eyes, he could just see the camera and Phil’s bedroom door stood open, but they were also nearly falling off the side.

“Move over some, or you’re gonna make me fall,” Dan complained, despite Phil’s lips sucking roughly at his neck, a spot they both knew drove Dan a little crazy. Phil looked up, eyes hazy with arousal, and seemed to take note of their situation as well, shifting some so that Dan could get closer to a safer part of the bed.

That was all the distraction Phil seemed willing to give, however, as he returned right back to Dan’s neck for a good few moments, working it over and likely leaving another mark in place, if the way his teeth dug into Dan’s skin was any indication.

Dan didn’t mind. It felt _good_. It always felt good to have someone sucking at his neck, but Phil somehow managed to make Dan feel even better, feel like he was on fire, like he was on top of the _world_. Hips jutting up as a not-so-subtle reminder of what Dan wanted, Dan ground his cock into Phil’s, and nearly purred at the wonderful situation.

Some day, they needed to just spend the night grinding into each other. Yeah, that was a good thought, but a thought for another time. For right now, Dan just wanted Phil to get _on_ with it. He’d waited long enough. Nudging his cock against Phil’s again, Darn tried to make him move _along_ already without speaking, since his mouth was so busy making _other_ noises, but Phil ignored him.

“‘M busy,” Phil complained against Dan’s neck, moving one hand to shove Dan’s hips back down on the bed. Ironically, the movement made Phil fall on top of Dan a little, forcing their hips even closer than Dan had made them before. Dan had no reason to complain about the change in position.

“Well then hurry up and not be busy,” Dan teased, lacing his fingers together behind Phil’s back in order to hold him close. Phil grumbled something against Dan’s neck, but didn’t stop kissing him, licking at the skin the same way he had yesterday. It felt different though, somehow, with the knowledge Dan had of Phil wanting to be with him, of Phil being his _boyfriend_. It made Dan feel treasured, and heat rushed to his core.

Dan pulled his hands apart to sweep his palms up and down Phil’s back, the motion making Phil’s unbuttoned shirt bunch up. Phil groaned, and pulled away from Dan’s neck to shrug out of the cloth, before tugging at the hem of Dan’s.

“Take it off,” he insisted.

Dan didn’t waste a second doing just as he’d been told. He arched his back off the bed, reached behind him, and dragged the shirt over his head by the collar. He flung it to the floor, not caring what happened to it when he had Phil on top of him, and reached for Phil. Phil, however, did not immediately return to the position they’d been in before. Instead, he stared down at Dan’s chest, mesmerized by it, and reached down to rub his palms down it. Dan felt Phil stop on a few spots, thumb rubbing over what Dan knew was a hickey, before moving on.

“You’re gorgeous,” Phil whispered. “I didn’t tell you yesterday, but you’re fucking _beautiful_ , Dan.”

The way Phil stared at him, Dan believed him. Sure, Phil had said things of a similar nature before, calling Dan hot, or sexy, even gorgeous a time or two, but this time it was said with such a sincere, affectionate tone that Dan felt like the most beautiful person in the world.

Phil’s fingers traced down to his hips.

“God, I love you,” he whispered, leaning down to press a kiss right over Dan’s heart.

It thumped hard in reaction. Phil’s lips were warm, a brand against Dan’s skin.

Dan’s eyes fluttered closed. He was smiling, his hands shifting up to press over his heart, wanting for just one moment to keep the kiss _right there_. Phil laughed, but it was a soft, sweet sound, almost a breathy giggle, like Phil understood.

When Dan next opened his eyes, Phil was shifting his position on top of Dan so that he could kneel between his legs. Dan’s thighs shook in anticipation for what was coming, and he spread his legs on instinct while Phil reached over him to grab a glove and the lube. His hair fell into his eyes as he popped the cap, and got his fingers slicked up for Dan.

Phil dropped the open bottle next to them both, leaning over Dan to kiss at his chest while his fingers found Dan’s rim for the third time. Dan lifted his legs a little, trying to make things easier on Phil while Phil nipped at his collarbones. Dan’s hands found Phil’s shoulders, and he soothed his fingers over the soft skin, huffing out a desperate breath when Phil’s finger started to press inside of him.

“So good for me, sweetheart,” Phil murmured, stretching Dan open.

It was easier this time. Dan thought it might be easier with each time they did this, or maybe easier the more often they did it, he didn’t know. All he knew was that after being stretched open twice in as many days, this third time felt easy, simple, and Phil’s fingers glided inside of him like they belonged there.

Dan was sure things were far more messy this time as well, but he didn’t care. Phil didn’t seem to care either, pushing his finger in and out in that same, practiced ease as the past two times. He didn’t rush, taking his time with Dan despite Dan knowing they were both desperate for this, beyond ready to get going, to be pressed tight together, moving in synch as pleasure surged through them.

Phil was far more patient than Dan.

When he pressed in a second finger and found Dan’s prostate, Dan started to cry out in earnest.

“Love the sounds you make,” Phil said, voice weak with desire, his lips barley skimming Dan’s chest now. He was breathing heavy, shifting on top of Dan to get the best angles, trying to work him open the best he could. Dan let himself ride down on Phil’s fingers, tossing his head back and forth on the bed, because it was becoming easier, hotter, more _arousing_ than ever before to be penetrated like this.

“God, Dan,” Phil moaned, pulling his fingers free and leaning up to kiss him. There was an awkward shuffle, an annoyed huff, and before the kiss could really start, Phil pulled back and sat up to remove the glove on his hand. He pulled up from the cuff so when it came free it was inside out, and tossed it to the floor.

“It’s a good thing we finished filming, because I don’t think I’ll be able to move after this,” Phil whispered, before leaning in and actually kissing Dan this time. Their mouths tangled a little awkwardly, their breathing stuttering as Phil’s cock once again rubbed against Dan’s, but it was good. The feeling was one of intense eroticism that Dan didn’t want to let go of. He reached for Phil again, skimming his fingers down his ribs, knowing that he was touching marks _he’d_ made, and enjoying the little rumble that the touch got him from Phil. The sound was deep and straight from the back of Phil’s throat, a sound that went straight to Dan’s dick.

So the moaning was good, but Phil’s sounds in general were amazing. The fact that Dan could do this to him…

“Fuck me, Phil,” Dan moaned when Phil finally pulled away to catch his breath. Dazedly, Phil nodded his head, and leaned back in for one last press of lips to lips.

When he pulled away, he still looked a little out of it. He was breathing really heavily now, and when he want to grab for the condom, his fingers slipped on the packaging. It took Phil a moment to grab hold, and another to rip it away from the rest. When he did, he ended up ripping the foil awkwardly, and the sight made Dan laugh from under him.

“Shut up,” Phil whined, trying for a smile, despite being distracted in his attempt to roll the condom over his dick and slick himself up with the still open bottle of lube. His hands were shaking, _always shaking_ , and Dan came to realize that was Phil’s tell.

Phil was at least a little bit out of control with lust, but also maybe, maybe it meant he was nervous because he liked Dan, and because this was more to him than just sex. Dan hoped fervently that it was both because the idea of Phil shaking for him was an amazing one.

To affect someone so much…

Dan groaned a little, tossing his head back.

Thanks to the movement. Dan didn’t see when Phil moved again, but he did feel Phil dragging his legs upwards and pushing his thighs into a more open position. Dan’s eyes flew open as he realized what was happening, how Phil seemed intent on getting as close to Dan’s body just like this.

Phil wanted to fuck him in this position.

Dan gasped, and instantly pulled his legs up to his chest, contorting his body a little bit so he’d be wide open and exposed to Phil. His breathing grew far more intense at the very idea of Phil taking him from the missionary position, and he whispered out a chanted, “Yes, yes, yes.”

He wanted this, he wanted this so fucking much. They’d done it most other ways Dan was familiar with, sort of. He wanted _this_ , now. He wanted traditional, to be able to see Phil’s face, and feel him rocking into him. He wanted to know what it was like for Phil to be completely in charge while looking at Dan.

He wanted to feel as close to Phil as he possibly could.

“I want to make love to you,” Phil suddenly blurted out, eyes a little wide and confused. His mouth dropped open after he said it, and Dan found himself staring up at Phil with his lips parted in confusion.

That had probably sounded better in Phil’s head. It sounded better in movies, and tv shows, and books, too. Hearing it in real life? It just sounded… awkward, and a little bit wrong.

Dan’s lips curled up into a little smile. He could feel a laugh beginning to build in his chest, and he didn’t _want_ to laugh at Phil for trying to be sweet, it was just… well… not only were the words cheesy, but completely _weird_ in a situation like this. They were having sex, yeah, fucking… and, well they loved each other. So it was kind of a _give in_ that this was more than just a casual thing.

Phil groaned and dropped his head against Dan’s exposed inner thigh, laughing at himself awkwardly as he shook his head. Dan, who’d been biting his lip, let it go as he started to laugh as well.

“I was just trying to be -”

“I know,” Dan replied, stifling his laughter. He reached up as best as he could around his folded up body, and let his fingers trail lightly against Phil’s arms. “I get it. You’re sweet. But please, Phil, just… for the love of god, get inside of me already.”

Dan was smiling as he said it, and Phil still had his face pressed into Dan’s legs, but it seemed to help to cut the tension some. Phil drew away to laugh down at Dan, eyes wide and happy, and Dan felt his heart tumble over in satisfaction.

He liked this. He liked having sex with Phil. He liked how Phil tried to make it as good as possible, how he tried to strip away the whole sex thing to something more romantic than Dan was used to, and how Phil was trying so hard to make sure Dan knew that he wanted _everything_ with him. And he liked how Phil could make him laugh, even right now, in the middle of sex.

“Whatever you want,” Phil finally replied, pressing a soft kiss to Dan’s knee, before letting go of his thighs entirely. That left Dan to hold his own legs up, which was a bit more difficult than he’d thought it would be, but he did it so that Phil could take hold of his cock and line it up with Dan’s body.

The initial push of Phil’s cock into him was a little rough. The bluntness of the movement always seemed to rock and jostle Dan a little, but after, it was just as good as Dan remembered it to be. Phil’s cock spread his walls wider, and the push against them was intoxicating. Dan was coming to the love the full feeling he got whenever Phil first pushed into him, and couldn’t wait for Phil to push all the way in.

Phil took him slow, though. He bit his lip and he pushed in at an easy, measured pace, determined not to hurt Dan, for which Dan was grateful. Once his hand was free from his cock, he even reached back up to hold Dan’s thighs in place, and help him keep them spread. His fingers were a little rough, squeezing at the tender skin, but Dan couldn’t blame him when Dan was _sure_ the tight heat of Dan’s body must be driving Phil insane.

He’d seen Phil lose a little bit of control that morning. Dan must feel good, and yet here Phil was, patient as always, careful to take care of Dan.

Dan reached up to card his fingers through Phil’s fringe affectionately, shoving it away from his forehead, and rubbing his thumbs over Phil’s lips when he was done. Dan’s eyes were half lidded with pleasure as Phil moved inside of him, but he wanted Phil to know how much Dan appreciated him for taking it easy.

When Phil’s hips were finally flush with Dan’s, Phil slumped into him, forcing Dan’s thighs closer to his chest. Dan shifted them, trying to figure out just where exactly he could keep them and have them be out of the way. While Dan struggled, Phil’s lips found his, and kissed him so hard that Dan forgot entirely what he was doing, his legs falling open naturally.

“Love you,” Phil muttered against Dan’s lips, shaking as he tried to kiss him.

“Love you, too,” Dan mumbled back, words tripping over Phil’s tongue, his lips. He could feel his heart trying to jump out of his chest, and he groaned, dropping his head back against the pillows, unable to hold it up in order to kiss Phil any longer.

Phil took the dismissal in stride, mouth falling to other parts of Dan. Growing more and more breathless with each passing moment, Phil huffed against Dan’s chin, and then his jawline as he tried to pepper Dan in kisses. His hips rocked lightly inside of Dan, but not too much, not yet. Phil was still holding himself back, seemingly trying to get both of them ready for what was to come, but the lack of attention was driving Dan _crazy_. He just wanted Phil to _move_ already.

But he trusted Phil. He knew that Phil knew what he was doing, knew that Phil knew when to move. Dan trusted that Phil was becoming more and more familiar with Dan’s body, trusted that he knew how much Dan could take, and let his head fall back so he could just… _take._

God, the whole experience somehow felt more intense than the last two. There was a swell of emotion sitting between both of them, an affection that tried to take over the room. Every part of Dan was sweaty and pulsing with want, but he still had enough in him to recognize and hold onto the fact that Phil loved him. He was so, so consciously aware this time that this meant as much to Phil as it meant to Dan, and it was making the whole world feel…

Well. Rose colored, if Dan was allowed to be cliche. He was viewing the world through rose colored glasses, and it looked fucking _beautiful_.

Phil’s hips started to shift, and Dan’s world narrowed down to the way their bodies fit together, the way Phil’s cock felt inside of him, throbbing and so fucking _hard_. Phil gasped a little as he started to work in and out of Dan, starting with shallow little thrusts, and working up to something more. He kept his hips angled slightly on each movement, nudging along to find Dan’s prostate as always, ever intent on milking an orgasm out of Dan, and Dan dug his nails into the bedsheets below him.

He wanted to reach for Phil, but he didn’t want to hurt him, so the bedsheets would have to do. If Dan left a few holes in his wake for Phil to deal with, well. Dan figured Phil would think it had been worth it.

A long stream of whines and moans spilled out of Dan. He tossed his head on the bed, arching his back with every movement of Phil’s, legs shaking from the force of Phil fucking him combined with their somewhat awkward position. Phil gasped into Dan’s collarbones, hair brushing against Dan’s skin deliciously, as he worked to fuck Dan deeper, to find that one _spot_ -

Dan thrust down on Phil’s cock, and the angle shifted just enough for Phil to find Dan’s prostate.

The moan that burst out of Dan then was very nearly a wail. His hips bucked upwards, cock twitching where it lay on his stomach, and Phil huffed out a happy little chuckle in reaction, the sound breathless, a puff against Dan’s skin.

Unlike the last time they’d fucked, Dan was able to see the way Phil smiled happily to have succeeded in that small little thing, and it made Dan want to swoon. God, Phil was a delight to behold. Dan felt like the luckiest person in the world to mean something to Phil. Sure, Phil had probably cared just as much about his other partners’ satisfaction, but he probably hadn’t cared quite like this. Dan was special. He could see it written all over Phil’s face.

Phil collapsed on top of Dan as he started trying to fuck Dan properly. The hands that had been helping to keep Dan’s thighs in place dropped onto either side of Dan’s body as Phil let go, tucking his face into Dan’s neck and fucking him harder than the last two times. The tempo just seemed a little faster, a little less gentle, but so, so fucking good that Dan couldn’t complain. Phil’s cock dragged along his walls deliciously, causing shudders of pleasure to race up Dan’s spine.

His cock was beginning to dribble precum all over his stomach, pulsing lightly. Dan could feel the heat beginning to build inside of him, and he was quickly forgetting what it felt like to get _so close_ to orgasm, but lose it and become overwhelmed instead. Phil had driven it from his mind with the feeling of him fucking Dan, had driven it from his mind with the fact that he’d figured out the secret to making Dan come, and Dan was so fucking grateful.

Now, he could just focus on the feeling of his pleasure building, intensifying with each passing thrust, with every slide across his prostate. Phil’s mouth was hot on his shoulder, mouthing at it a little awkwardly, as he kept moving.

Phil’s limbs were shaking. Dan wondered if his body was still tired from the last two times he’d worked Dan over, wondered if he needed to take over, but there was no easy way to do that.

Soft whimpers and calls of Phil’s name dribbled from Dan’s mouth, a sound lost to the heaving breathing in the room. Dan’s head was tossed back, hair a mussed mess, and his forehead beaded with sweat. He gave up on not touching Phil, and reached his arms up to dig his fingernails into Phil’s shoulders, grasping tight and moaning at the feeling of slick, wet skin.

God. _God_. Phil felt so good inside of him. Dan never wanted this to stop. He didn’t know how anyone could let this go. Had any past lovers fought to keep Phil around after the first time? Dan would have. Dan kind of _had_. But Phil was his now, and no one else was ever going to get to experience this if Dan had his way.

“Phil, fuck, _fuck_ ,” Dan groaned, turning his head to press kisses to his sweaty skin. Phil let out a shuddery breath against Dan’s shoulder, and kissed him back.

“Mm.” Phil was almost inarticulate. “Dan…”

His voice was unsteady and fucking erotic with how deep and northern it had gone. He didn’t quite sound like himself, like the guy Dan had gotten to know. He sounded almost like a different person, and it was… _hot_ to say the least.

Dan suddenly became aware of the fact his toes had curled up and were beginning to cramp a little from the intense waves of pleasure, suddenly became aware of the fact that he was fucking himself back against Phil, trying to take all of him, to take everything he could get. He suddenly became aware of the niggling ache that was left over from the _last two times_ they’d fucked, but he didn’t care.

He couldn’t care, because this all felt so fucking good. His groin tightened up as Phil kept going against him, letting out tiny little whining noises that made Dan think he was close but holding himself back for Dan. The heat in Dan’s stomach started to spread to all of him, taking over his senses, and his vision went a little hazy around the edges.

All Dan could think about was Phil.

His nails dragged down Phil’s back, scrabbling for purchase. He was probably leaving long scratch marks in his wake, but that only turned him on even _more_ , and he arched his hips up towards Phil’s body, cock bouncing against his stomach. He wanted to come, he _needed_ to come, but he wasn’t quite there yet.

His body was straining for it, _begging_ for it, and Dan wanted nothing more than to give in.

Phil’s thrusts became faster, losing their rhythm, as he shifted on top of Dan and tried to keep himself under control.

That was it, though. The movement drove Phil’s cock deeper, forcing it further into Dan, and Dan let out a long wail at the feeling, legs spasming a little and cock twitching. He was there, he was _there_ , he was so fucking sure of it.

“Little more, little more, little more,” he moaned, scrabbling harder at Phil, scratching his nails down his body to find his hips and _force_ him to push in deeper, harder, faster, _anything fuck please_. The heat was coiling deep inside of him, sending bliss searing through his veins. All Dan needed was a little more, a little more…

“God, _Phil_ ,” he wailed when his orgasm finally hit, racing through him in a huge burst of ecstasy. Dan’s body went boneless, his legs falling to his sides, catching on Phil’s hips. Phil grunted at the feeling, at Dan’s body squeezing around him, something Dan was acutely aware of this time, and continued to thrust into Dan. It didn’t take Phil long to come, though. Not this time. The sudden rapid thrusting followed by Phil shoving as deep inside as he could was sign enough, and it made Dan’s orgasm feel all the better as it continued to ripple through him.

Phil collapsed on top of Dan, and Dan let his legs fall to the bed, eyes closed as he breathed heavily. Phil was panting into the crook of Dan’s neck, the sensation sending an extra bout of trembled through Dan. Phil’s body shook as well, working its way through the sensation of orgasm.

Dan did his best to soak in this moment, soak in the waves of pleasure coursing through him, and how fucking good it felt every fucking time.

How had he gone so long without this? How had he gone so long without _Phil?_ How was he was going to do without _all of this_ when he left Phil’s tomorrow. Not just the sex, but Phil to - his closeness, his affection, and the constant reminder that Phil was _real_ and he wasn’t going anywhere.

Dan shook his head, doing his best to dispel the thoughts that were beginning to ruin the euphoria Dan had been previously moving. He shifted a little at the same time, beginning to become aware of the way his thighs had started to cramp, and his back was beginning to ache from being fucked three times in two days. As Dan shifted, he pressed a kiss to the side of Phil’s ear, the only part of Phil he could reach, and giggled when Phil replied with a sound that was completely unintelligible.

Finally, Dan had broken through Phil’s careful control. He’d _wrecked_ him, and it felt good.

Phil made no attempt to get off of Dan either. He didn’t attempt to pull out, or roll over, or take the condom off. Instead, he lay on top of Dan like a lump of heaving flesh as they both did their best to work their way down from the high of orgasm.

The orgasm they’d had together.

 _Together_.

Holy shit, they’d pretty much come together. Dan couldn’t believe it. _That had never happened before_. That had been a romantic dream that only seemed to exist inside of movies, and definitely not in Dan’s life, but it had happened. It had actually _happened_.

Dan laughed.

“Holy fuck.”

Phil shuffled on top of him, finally drawing back to pull free from Dan, and rolled over. He reached down almost instantly for the condom, drawing it away, and tying it off to dispose of it. It ended up on the floor with the glove, but Phil didn’t seem to care. He rolled into Dan’s side, and smushed his cheek against his shoulder.

“Yeah,” he whispered dazedly.

But he didn’t understand.

“Phil,” Dan insisted. “Phil, we came _together_.” Another slightly hysterical giggle erupted from Dan’s lips, followed by him leaning over to pepper Phil’s head with kisses, because this was actually happening, this was actually _real_. Never in his wildest dreams had Dan thought he could experience _this much_ , and here Phil was, proving him wrong.

Phil groaned against Dan’s on slought, not seeming to realize what Dan had, what Dan had just _told_ him. Dan rolled a little despite the ache affecting every single one of his muscles, and took Phil’s face in his hands to kiss him properly on the lips.

“We came together,” Dan whispered.

Phil finally seemed to get it. He gasped into the kiss, and pulled back from Dan only to stare at him with wide blue eyes, and the most unsure smile of all time.

“We did,” he said, voice filled with awe as the smile began to morph into something more sure. Suddenly, Phil was laughing, and he leaned in to capture Dan’s lips in another kiss. Their laughter petered out into huffs of pleasure and pleased little sighs, as their mouths came together over and over again. Dan never wanted to stop kissing Phil. His fingers found Phil’s hair, and he carded the long, sweaty strands back and off of Phil’s forehead.

“You’re fucking amazing, you know that?” Dan mumbled, drawing his lips away from Phil’s to kiss his cheeks instead, his forehead, his chin - any place Dan could reach, he kissed, because Phil deserved it. Because Dan was impossibly in love.

“Mm, love you so much,” Phil returned, reaching up to card his fingers through Dan’s hair. The feeling was warm, and sent a shiver down Dan’s spine, as Phil ran his fingers back and forth against his scalp, massaging at the skin. It was nice. It was so fucking nice that Dan just kept kissing Phil, uncaring that his lips were going numb.

Then, the loud sound of a beep filled the room, and Dan’s head jerked up.

The camera.

 _The camera_.

“Oh my god,” Dan gasped, at the same time as Phil moved to stare, wide eyed, at the camera too. Slowly, their eyes met, realization dawning on both of them.

The camera had died, which meant it had recorded the whole fucking thing.

Dan and Phil had inadvertently made a sex tape.

“Oh my god, _Phiiiiil_ ,” Dan whined. “I can’t believe we forgot to turn the camera off!”

Phil started to laugh, rolling into Dan and tucking his face into his chest, his mouth pressed against sweaty skin. The feeling of his body shaking made Dan’s body shake too, until he was laughing hysterically against Phil.

Fuck, _fuck_ , they were idiots.

Dan couldn’t believe this. His shoulders shook with the force of his laughter, and he reached to hug Phil close at the same time as Phil slung an arm over his waist. The touch was intimate, familiar, and damn near perfect.

If it weren’t for the fact that they were both laughing over a _sex tape_.

 _Fuck_. A fucking _sex tape_. Were they proper celebrities now? The thought only made Dan laugh harder, and he tucked his face into Phil’s hair, and muffled his giggles there.

“What would my mum think,” Dan asked, shaking his head. Phil snorted into his chest, pulling away with a half grimace, half grin

“Please don’t bring our mum’s into this!”

“It’s too late, I already did,” Dan joked, kissing Phil. “Mum, I’m running away to become a porn star with Phil,” he added for good measure. “I think we’ll do well. Phil’s pretty fit to be honest.”

“Dan!” Phil moaned, shoving his face into Dan’s neck to hide it. “Don’t say that! I want your parents to like me!”

Dan snickered.

“It’s too late, Phil. You’ve corrupted me. They’re never going to forgive you now.”

Phil moaned in horror, sweat soaked body wiggling against Dan as he attempted to burrow deeper into Dan’s chest. Dan wrapped his arms around Phil more properly on instinct, grinning, as the realization that Phil wanted his parents to like him, probably wanted to _meet them_ , sunk in. Dan could feel himself becoming giddy with happiness, flying high on the combination of an amazing orgasm and Phil’s love for him. There was no room left for Dan to be properly horrified by the sex tape.

“I’m sure they’re going to love you,” Dan whispered into Phil’s hair. How could they not? Phil was the perfect gentlemen when he wanted to be, successful and with a degree. What parent wouldn’t be happy their child was dating him?

Dan’s mood shifted a little as he imagined introducing himself to Phil’s parents.

“I’m the one who's going to be a disappointment, remember?”

Phil pushed himself out of Dan’s hold, and glared at him.

“Don’t say that. My parents are going to love you, Dan. You’re amazing.”

“No, that’s you,” Dan teased.

Phil’s frown deepened, and he pushed at Dan until Dan was leaning away and Phil could really look at him. His expression was a mix of pained hurt, frustration, and determination. Dan’s grin started to fade a little.

“You’re the only person whose ever made me feel like this, Bear. I’ve never introduced any partner to my family. They’re going to take one look at you, one look at the way you make me smile, and they’re going to want to adopt you into the Lester clan immediately.”

Phil’s voice was soft, but filled with a quiet kind of strength that made Dan shiver. Dan’s gaze lowered as his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. He was smiling though, the slow kind of smile that sent a rush of emotion through Dan - happiness, affection, appreciation. Dan was so, so grateful to Phil.

Slowly, Dan leaned in for a soft kiss.

Phil hummed into it, reaching up to press his hands to Dan’s cheeks, and stroking his thumbs over the skin there gently. Dan sighed into the motion.

When he pulled away, he leant his forehead against Phil’s.

“Thank you,” he replied softly.

“Anytime,” Phil promised.

They sat like that for a moment, just staring into each other’s eyes and smiling, Phil’s fingers stroking over Dan’s skin. Dan felt warmth blossom through him. He felt like he was home.

How had Dan gotten so lucky?

After a moment, Phil let go of Dan’s face and encouraged him to lay down on his back. Dan did so, a little confused, until Phil rested his head on Dan’s chest and curled into his side. Dan grinned at the change in position, at the way it left Phil vulnerable and small looking, at the fact that Phil was putting his whole trust into Dan not to hurt him. Dan reached up to stroke his fingers through Phil’s hair, while Phil sighed against his chest.

They stayed like that for a long time.

All Dan could think about was the fact that this was his. Phil was his. This whole moment was his. And while Dan was sure that he’d have another million moments just like this in his lifetime if he managed to not fuck things up with Phil, Dan still wanted to treasure this one for as long as he could.

“Do you think I could keep the footage?” Phil eventually murmured against Dan’s skin. “I think that’d be good wank material for the next ten thousand years.”

Dan huffed out a laugh, cheeks flushing bright red again at the reminder of their inadvertent sex tape. He smacked Phil on the arm lightly, and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

“Only if you give me a copy of it too.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra big thanks to @imnotinclinedtomaturity for being the most supportive friend ever who gets excited about my fics and reads them six times over everytime I make a new edit yikes. I hope that I can show Kat how much I love her in return because she’s amazing and I’ve decided she’s mine.
> 
> Hello friends! The long awaited, promised, chapter 7 (that was never supposed to happen *cough* kat *cough*). The story has officially concluded with an update that I HOPE will make all your dreams come true ;) Definitely expect some more smut tbh. But also, I just hope you overall enjoy what I’ve put into this chapter because I wanted to keep building their actual relationship as well as everything else going on. I think you’ll love it! The story is OFFICIALLY 75K in total, which is fucking insane how did that happen, and… you should maybe look out for a sequel in the future (no promises on when, but I think it’s definitely coming).
> 
> Thank to you every single person who commented, sent an ask, or reblogged this story. I can’t believe it got so much happy feedback, and while I might not have answered each and every comment, I treasure every one.

**Christmas 2009**

The moment Phil’s door fell shut behind him, Dan slumped down on Phil’s bed with a “umph” of pleasure, eyes falling closed and small smile curving the corners of his lips. It felt so good to lay down after the long day of traveling to Manchester Piccadilly, Phil’s house, and then spending time with Phil’s family, and even better to lay down in _Phil’s_ bed. It it had been far too long since Dan had been here.

“Alright there?” Phil asked with a little giggle. Dan moaned out a half response, and nodded his head, rolling onto his side to curl up with Phil’s pillow. “You look comfortable,” Phil continued, shuffling around his room.

“I am,” Dan replied without opening his eyes.

“Good, I’m glad. But I’d be even more glad if you took your snow covered jacket off rather than rubbing the mess all over my bed,” Phil teased. A lump fell on top of Dan, and Dan opened his eyes to find that Phil had dropped his coat on Dan.

“Rude,” Dan complained, sitting up and tossing Phil’s sodden coat to the floor.

“Hey!” Phil protested, laughing. “Don’t put it on my floor! Now it’s going to be all wet!”

“Your mum’s wet.”

“Da _aaaan_ , don’t talk about my mum like that!” Phil complained, making a face as he leaned over to strip off his socks as well. Dan snickered, secretly a little proud of himself for cracking a _your mum_ joke that actually made sense, and shrugged out of his own winter jacket.

“Anyway,” Phil said, haphazardly tossing the socks to the floor before collapsing on the bed next to Dan. “Did you have a good time?”

“Yeah,” Dan agreed, dropping his coat and settling back down on Phil’s bed, long limbs pressing up along Phil’s warm side. “Your family’s pretty cool, Phil. I’m jealous.”

Phil snorted, but found Dan’s hand on the bed, entwining their fingers together gently. Dan felt warmth shoot through him, rushing from the tips of his fingers to the tips of his toes. He smiled.

“They’re alright I guess,” Phil said modestly, words a soft sigh as he settled into the bed. Dan shifted his hips closer so he and Phil were touching all along their sides, and rolled his eyes.

“They’re amazing, Phil,” Dan shot back, squeezing Phil’s fingers for good measure.

He and Phil had spent the last couple of hours outside, as Phil’s family gathered on the porch to to watch the snow fall. Mr. and Mrs. Lester had sat on the double rocker with two mugs of coffee in hand, and three abandoned mugs of hot chocolate on the table in front of them. Dan, Phil, and Phil’s brother, Martyn, had been playing in the snow, making a mess of each other, and generally causing mayhem in the backyard.

They hadn’t been the only one’s in the neighborhood taking advantage of the snow, though. Dan didn’t know what it was, but something about Rawtenstall seemed to bring out the childhood Christmas spirit in everyone, because most of the neighbors were either sat on their porches, or playing in the snow as well.

It had been nice, a far better afternoon than Dan would have had at his own home in Wokingham, and the Lesters had made Dan feel more than welcome.

Of course Dan knew that the Lesters took Christmas really seriously and it was usually a family-only event, but Dan was going home on the 23rd so he wasn’t _really_ intruding.

And, well, it helped that Phil had introduced Dan to his family as his _boyfriend_. That might have been the highlight of Dan’s return trip to Phil’s home this weekend, considering he hadn’t expected as much so _soon_ when he’d first booked the train tickets. Phil’s family had pretty much adopted Dan as one of them the moment the words were out of Phil’s mouth either way, so it didn’t really matter in the long run.

**

“You know Dan, my… boyfriend,” Phil said, giggling a little as he wrapped his arm around Dan’s shoulder casually, dragging him into Phil’s side. Dan stumbled a little at the sudden movement, and, while he’d known that Phil had eventually planned to tell his parents about their relationship, he hadn’t been expecting it to happen _now_.

His eyes went wide as Martyn and Mrs. Lester, who’d been sat on the living room sofa finishing up afternoon tea, stared wide eyes and a little owlishly at the two of them. Mrs. Lester nearly dropped her tea in shock, the sight a terrifying one to Dan.

Fuck, Dan hadn’t mentally prepared for this. He didn’t know what to make of Martyn and Mrs. Lesters’ expressions, or what to _expect_. Phil had talked plenty about his family, but he’d never properly set Dan’s expectations for this moment. Maybe Phil didn’t know himself.

Dan knew that Phil’s parents were perfectly accepting of the fact that Phil was gay, but Phil had also said he’d never brought home a boyfriend before - mostly due to the fact that he’d never _had_ a boyfriend. What if a boyfriend made the whole situation more real to them, and they kicked Dan out on the spot?

As Dan’s thoughts spun in desperate, horrified circles, Mr. Lester began to laugh, breaking the silence that had fallen over the five people in the lounge. Dan’s heart leapt into his throat as he wondered whether or not that meant Mr. Lester thought this whole thing was a joke, and tried not to let himself jump to any conclusions.

That was far easier said than done, unfortunately.

Then Martyn burst into laughter as well, and Dan glanced at Phil to find his boyfriend grinning. Something tight started to loosen up in Dan’s chest, and when he looked back towards where the rest of the Lesters were sat, he found Mrs. Lester standing and rushing over to him.

Before Dan could prepare himself, Mrs. Lester was gathering him up into a huge hug, the force of which knocked Phil’s arm away from Dan’s shoulder. For a moment, Dan could do nothing but let his arms hover awkwardly at Mrs. Lester’s side, unaccustomed to such affection, before he finally relented and hugged her back.

Her arms were just as warm as Phil’s always were, if not warmer, and Dan suddenly understood why Phil was such a good hugger. He’d clearly learned it from his mum. Dan sighed, allowing himself to tuck his face into Mrs. Lester’s hair, and breathing in deeply in order to savor this moment.

“Thank you,” Mrs. Lester whispered into Dan’s ear. “For making my boy happy. I’ve never seen him like this with anyone, before you. I thought he’d never find someone. I thought he’d never bring someone home for us to _meet_. You can’t imagine what a godsend you are, dear.”

The weight of Mrs. Lester’s words took Dan by surprise, and he found his mouth falling open in a little “o,” his eyes wide once again. Maybe Mrs. Lester hadn’t meant to sound like she was assuming he and Phil were going to be together forever, but that was what Dan heard. Or maybe it was just what he’d wanted to hear.

As Mrs. Lester pulled away from Dan, not so surreptitiously swiping tears away from her eyes, Dan glanced over at Phil to find that Martyn had reached them and was clapping his brother on the back good naturedly. His eyes were twinkling with mirth as he wiggled his eyebrows at Phil, an expression Dan couldn’t quite understand.

Phil seemed to get it though, because he went bright red, and swatted at Martyn, slapping his brother on the arm wordlessly. Martyn laughed, swatting at Phil back, the two boys beginning to wrestle like siblings who got along far too well and rarely actually got truly angry at each other.

Then Mr. Lester stepped into Dan’s space, clapping a hand on Dan’s shoulder, and dragging Dan’s attention away from Phil altogether.

“About time, son,” he said, smiling at Dan, but very clearly speaking to Phil. “You know,” he added conspiratorially, “He’s never brought a partner home that he intended to actually _stay_.”

Dan’s cheeks went dark red as the words registered in his mind, and the realization that Phil’s family _knew_ all about Phil’s… escapades.

“Nigel!” Mrs Lester reprimanded, as Phil groaned. Wide eyed, Dan turned back to Phil, completely floored, eyes twirling with questions. Phil met his gaze for less than a moment before shying away.

“No, but really,” Martyn added before anyone else could speak up. “It’s about time Phil asked Dan out. Did you know he hasn’t stopping talking about you in months? Dan _this_ , Dan _that_ ,” he teased, voice going high pitched in a mock of Phil’s voice. Phil reached up to smack Martyn on the head, and caught him in a headlock. Martyn yelped in a fashion far too similar to the noise Phil made when Dan did the same thing to Phil.

“Shut _up_ , Martyn!” Phil whined, masking his embarrassment as indignation.

Unable to help himself, and overcome with relieved elation, Dan started to laugh, reaching up to cover his mouth and praying that the tears beginning to prick at the corners of his eyes would just _stop_.

A warm hand touched Dan’s shoulder, and he turned to find Mrs. Lester smiling at him again.

“Welcome to the family, dear.”

Dan suddenly hoped that Mrs. Lester really _had_ meant to imply that she thought this would last forever, because Dan hoped it would too.

**

“I wasn’t expecting them to accept me so easily,” Dan admitted, squeezing Phil’s fingers in his. “I wish my family were so cool with… everything. When I was going to specialists because of the,” Dan made a vague jacking-off gesture with his hand, blushing a little, “and the doctors first suggested I might be gay and I admitted I was bi… well, my parents were _technically_ fine with it. At least, I think they were _mostly_ fine with it. I’ve always thought… they were secretly holding out hope that I’d end up with a girl.” Dan bit his lip at the admission, the suspicion one Dan had yet to admit out loud.

Phil turned his head on the pillow next to Dan’s, a soft frown on his face. Dan tried to ignore it, terrified that Phil was staring at him in pity, but rolled his head to look at Phil anyway. Dan could never resist the call of Phil’s gaze on his.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, Dan. I’m sure they just want you to be happy.”

Dan shrugged his shoulders noncommittally. It was a conversation he and Phil had had before - not about the whole sexuality thing, but the thing about Dan’s parents being so hard on him only because they wanted him to have a good life. Dan had heard all of the excuses before, and while he suspected that Phil was probably right, that didn’t stop his parents stubborn refusal to just _let Dan be himself_ from hurting.

Dan’s dad was just kind of… not the easiest person to get along with. And his mum, well, she was great, but she worried far too much and always seemed to want Dan to stay on the safe, well-traveled path, where everyone went off to work in an office and made sure they got their taxes done on time. There was no room for adventure with Dan’s mum, no room for chasing dreams, no room for taking _chances_.

“Easy for you to say,” Dan sighed. “Your parents have always been supportive of everything you wanted to do, even YouTube, and they had no idea if that would pan out.”

Phil frowned, but didn’t argue the point. It was true that when Dan’s parents had found out he was pursuing YouTube, they’d been less than supportive. They’d agreed to let Dan keep it up _as a hobby_ if and _only if_ he agreed to go to law school in the fall. Dan’s agreement had been… taciturn, to put it lightly.

Nevertheless, he’d started applying to schools, the University of Manchester being his number one hope. He likely wouldn’t hear back until the summer, but it didn’t matter. Dan had made his parents happy, and gotten them off his back about filming videos.

“It’s okay, Phil. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad,” Dan said after another awkward moment had passed. He reached up with the hand not holding Phil’s to cup his cheek, and nuzzled Phil’s nose with his own. Phil’s eyes fluttered shut. The pale lids of Phil’s eyes and his freckle-dotted cheeks were a wonderful sight, considering that Dan had gone _ages_ being so far away from him.

Leaning in gently, Dan pressed a chaste kiss to Phil’s lips, before drawing away.

“I missed you,” he whispered against Phil’s mouth. Phil’s lips quirked up, his breathing already accelerating from the one little kiss (and _wow_ , Dan was never going to get over how he could take Phil apart, now).

“I missed you, too,” Phil reassured Dan, and kissed him again.

This time, Phil drew them into something deeper, something with a little more weight and feeling to it than the chaste kiss from before. Phil’s unoccupied hand moved to Dan’s hips, drawing their bodies closer, and he tightened his fingers around Dan’s hand in his. His tongue nudged at Dan’s bottom lip, encouraging him to let Phil press in close and suck at his bottom lip, moving their mouths together in a rhythm they were beginning to learn with each other.

Kissing Phil was becoming second nature - at this point, Dan knew how much pressure Phil liked, where Phil liked Dan to put his tongue, how Phil preferred long kisses to short ones - but, regardless, kissing Phil still sent shivers down Dan’s spine each and every time.

After Dan’s long absence, being back in Phil’s arms, back in his home, and back in his bed felt amazing. He’d only gotten to see Phil in person a few times: once on October 19th for three days when they’d _officially_ gotten together, again on October 31st for the YouTuber Halloween Gathering, and then a once more in the middle of November for a weekend visit to Phil’s. The first trip had been something special that Dan would never forget, but the second had been… far too public for Dan’s taste, and had left him with a severe case of blue balls that he’d been too embarrassed to admit to Phil.

They’d stayed at one of Phil’s friends flat in London, before Dan had taken off on the seven o’clock train the following morning at his parents’ behest. He’d had an afternoon shift at the law office Dan’s father had gotten him an internship at, much to Dan’s displeasure, but he hadn’t complained. He’d gotten to see Phil again - just a week after he’d had to say goodbye. Even without hot sex and a rewarding orgasm at the end, Dan had been given the chance to not only cuddle his boyfriend, but to hug and kiss him in the darkness of the guest bedroom that night.

It was hard to be _too_ disappointed at the night’s lack of sexual gratification when Dan so rarely got to see Phil in the flesh _at all_ , so despite the awkward sensation of arousal Dan got from merely lying in bed with Phil, Dan had put up with the blue balls graciously enough (even if he did go home and try to wank immediately, the sensation a terrible disappointment when Dan got nothing but that horrible oversensitized sensation that had driven him away from masturbation in the first place).

The third time had been just as sexually unsatisfying. Phil’s parents had been home, and Dan had spent the majority of his time trying to win them over so that when Phil officially introduced Dan to them as his _boyfriend_ , they wouldn’t already hate Dan altogether. If this afternoon was anything to go by, Dan’s efforts had definitely paid off, because not only had the Lesters been overjoyed to hear Dan was Phil’s boyfriend, but they hadn’t even argued against Dan staying in Phil’s room for the next two nights.

Still. Two months of blue balls after having gotten a good… uhm, _couple_ orgasms at Phil’s that first visit had felt like entirely too much. Despite the fact that masturbation didn’t have a track record of successfully getting Dan off, he’d… well, tried again.

The sexual desire surging through him had just been too much.

Not long after Phil had first taught Dan that he needed to be penetrated, and practically ignore his cock, to reach orgasm, Dan had snuck out during his lunch break at the law office to visit an inconspicuous sex store he’d looked up on the internet, and bought himself a vibrating dildo. The packaging had been just as inconspicuous, enough for Dan to get it from the shop to his work to his bedroom without too much prying, but he hadn’t _actually_ given the object a try until a few days after Halloween and the unsuccessful wank he’d had _before_ buying the toy.

See, once Dan had gotten a taste for what it felt like to actually _orgasm_ , it had become difficult for him to not crave that sensation again. Dan knew from years of experience, coupled with the comparison to what it felt like to actually get _fucked_ , that a quick wank wouldn’t be enough to satisfy him, but Dan _did_ know that fucking himself with a dildo _might_. So, after being deprived of any sexual attention after the Halloween gathering, Dan went home the next day, bought the toy a few days later, and after an agonizing shift at the law office, locked himself in his bedroom to try the vibrator out.

Suffice to say, it had worked.

Surprisingly.

It had taken a couple articles on _how to have anal sex_ , and a lot of lube, to figure out how to fit the thing inside of him without hurting himself, and then he’d… well… gone off.

The resulting orgasm had been lackluster in comparison to the feeling of it being _Phil_ inside of Dan, but it had been _something_ , almost a moral booster to Dan, who’d been afraid that _finally coming_ had all been a fluke. The sensation… hadn’t really been worth the hours of awkward fumbling around, however, and though Dan knew it would become easier with practice, he’d kind of given the toy, and wanking, up for the following two months.

Now he was back at Phil’s, though, with his boyfriend right next to him, his entire family downstairs, and it was beginning to look like there was no hope for any _intimacy_ with Phil these next couple of days.

Groaning against Phil’s lips, Dan pulled away as he realized he was starting to grow... _interested_ just from the kissing alone. Getting hard just from kissing wasn’t new to Dan, but it did hurt more this time considering how many times Dan had neglected to get off since the aborted dildo attempt. His dick just couldn’t take too much more teasing before it would explode.

How had Dan spent so long getting his girlfriend off without getting anything in return, but now he couldn’t handle going more than a few weeks without Phil? Dan was going _insane,_ and it had only been two months. That was _nothing_ compared to 18 years. Maybe it was because his body knew what it was missing now, but the longing was driving Dan _mad_.

“What’s that noise about?” Phil asked, stroking his fingers along the smooth,hairless side of Dan’s face, and breaking Dan from his thoughts. Lips parted, Dan stared up at Phil regretfully, and shook his head.

“It’s nothing,” he lied, subtly shuffling his hips slightly farther away from Phil. How was he supposed to tell his boyfriend that he wanted to jump Phil’s bones, and the fact that he couldn’t was making his entire body absolutely _ache_? Dan scrunched up his nose in frustration, and sighed again.

Phil laughed at the expression, and reached a finger over to poke Dan’s nose. Dan’s face relaxed, and he smiled almost on instinct at the touch.

“You look cute when you do that.”

“Shut up,” Dan whined, releasing Phil’s fingers and rolling over. He pressed his face into Phil’s pillow, knees tucked against Phil’s thighs, and peeked out with one eye. “I’m not cute,” he said, hiding a smile.

Phil rolled his eyes. “Alright, you aren’t cute. You’re _fit_. You’re the sexiest man I’ve ever known,” he murmured, leaning in close as his voice lowered. His eyes were twinkling with mischief and his grin was more of a smirk as he moved so his face was as close to Dan’s hidden one as possible.

Narrowing his eyes, Dan peered out of the corner of his eyes at Phil suspiciously. Something wasn’t right…

Before Dan could so much as attempt to defend himself, Phil leaned in and _nipped_ at his ear lobe.

“Hey!” Dan yelped, affronted. He reached for his ear to block it from any other attacks, and rolled over again so he was on his side, facing Phil. “What was that for!?”

“You’re avoiding my question,” Phil taunted, grinning unapologetically. “What’s going on in that silly little head of yours?”

Dan sighed. It was stupid, really. He should just be happy he was getting to spend any time with Phil, not complaining that he wasn’t getting any sex. He needed to stop thinking with his dick, and appreciate what the universe was giving him. The fact that his parents had let him book more train tickets _so close to Christmas_ had been a miracle in and of itself, but Dan had been ready to throw a fit if they’d said no.

Still.

“It’s silly,” Dan stubbornly replied, burying his face back into Phil’s pillow. This time, he rolled over completely so that he was on his stomach and Phil wouldn’t be able to weasel anything more out of him. Or notice the semi that Dan was sporting.

Dan was sorely mistaken about Phil’s stubbornness, though.

The bed shifted as Phil moved. Dan wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but in the next moment, Phil’s fingers had found his sides, and he started tickling Dan _mercilessly_. Dan yelped, trying to curl in on himself and twist _away_ from Phil’s fingers, but Phil wasn’t having any of that. He shuffled until he was straddling Dan’s bum, effectively pining him in place, and continued the movements of his fingers on Dan’s ribcage.

“Phil!” Dan whined.

“Tell me what’s bothering you, or I won’t stop!” Phil crowed back. His voice was a mixture of smug and amused as he laughed at Dan, fingers digging almost gently into Dan’s sides. The feeling in Dan’s abdomen they were creating was anything _but_ gentle, though, and Dan found himself cackling hysterically into Phil’s pillow as he squirmed under Phil.

His lungs burned with the continued feeling of Phil’s torturous tickling, but Dan _refused_ to give in. The confession was embarrassing and completely awkward, Phil didn’t need to know that Dan was desperate for Phil’s _cock_. Their relationship was supposed to be about _more_ than sex, after all.

Unfortunately for Dan, being tickled was not the only thing he had to worry about. The feeling of Phil literally sitting on him seemed to be enough to get other parts of his body fully engaged in the current situation, and Dan found himself unexpectedly wheezing out a little moan as his quickly-hardening cock ground into the mattress below him.

Phil’s movements abruptly stopped, and Dan slumped into the pillows below with a relieved inhale of breath.

His chest was heaving, he was completely breathless, and his cock was quite literally throbbing in his jeans.

So much for keeping a hold over himself.

“Dan?” Phil asked, his voice a cautious question. “Are you okay?”

Dan shook his head, burying back into Phil’s pillow despite his current difficulty breathing, because he didn’t want to answer the question.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Phil asked, clearly unsure. Dan squeezed his eyes shut, because he hated that sound in Phil’s voice, hated knowing he’d made Phil feel like he’d done something wrong, when Phil never did anything wrong.

Except when he was being a tease over Skype, but they’d _talked_ about that.

Turning his head a little for a quick inhale of air, Dan whispered, “No.”

Dan could practically feel Phil frowning on top of him. He was still sat on Dan’s bum, a warm weight on Dan’s arse, completely unaware of how that was affecting Dan.

“Then what’s wrong?” Phil asked, fingers finding the base of Dan’s skull and beginning to knead gently at the muscles there. Dan moaned, hips rocking against the mattress and body relaxing under the touch that Phil _knew_ Dan liked a little too much. Damn him for using Dan’s weakness against him.

Dan’s dick pulsed in his jeans, and he groaned, burying his face back into Phil’s pillow.

Phil’s fingers kept kneading.

“Is this… turning you on, Dan?” Phil asked, voice soft, non-judgemental. “Are you maybe… a little sexually frustrated?” he continued. Dan expected Phil to sound teasing, the way he got on Skype sometimes when he knew that Dan was getting a little too excited about Phil’s flirting, but he didn’t. Instead, Phil sounded sweet, almost understanding, and it only made Dan’s cheeks heat up even more.

Slowly, he nodded his head.

Maybe, if he was just _honest_ with Phil, Phil would understand and get off of his arse already. They couldn’t exactly… get _up to anything_ with Phil’s entire family downstairs, after all.

Phil hummed thoughtfully in reaction, but he didn’t climb off of Dan. In fact, he seemed to settle more firmly on Dan’s bum, his fingers continuing to knead at the base of Dan’s skull. The touch sent shivers up Dan’s spine and made him feel boneless as he relaxed against the bed.

Dan turned his head so he could breathe, and let himself given in to the touch.

The room fell into a somewhat comfortable silence as Phil continued his ministrations, unoccupied hand moving to knead at Dan’s shoulder blades a little, working out the pain in the muscles. Phil didn’t seem to have a response to Dan’s little problem, and while he wasn’t doing anything to make it better, at least he wasn’t annoyed with Dan.

Some part of him still feared he’d wake up one day and Phil would be sick of dealing with him, or that he’d start acting like Dan’s ex, who’d cheated on him and never cared to put in any effort get Dan off. More often than not, Dan had just seemed to annoy her. The last thing he wanted was to annoy Phil, too.

Especially with this.

It wasn’t Dan’s fault he’d never been able to orgasm before. Phil was just… really good at pleasuring Dan, and had been the only partner to ever bother trying to help Dan, much less the only person to have ever been successful with that particular task. It made sense that Dan would want to continue _that_ trend as often as possible. And besides, Phil _was_ really fit. It was hard not to look at him and remember what it felt like to be kissing him, touching him, _filled with him_. Dan shuddered even just thinking about it, and bit his bottom lip in the hopes that the surge of pain would help calm his erection down.

It didn’t.

Phil didn’t seem to notice Dan’s thoughts had gone (even more) awry, though. He just continued to sit on top of Dan’s bum, knees on either side of Dan’s hips, and rub soothing circles into the base of Dan’s skull and his shoulder blades. It was actually kind of a lulling sensation, and despite the fact that Dan hadn’t been tired earlier, he was starting to feel a little bit drowsy. He hummed out a soft sound of contentment, and let Phil continue to pet him.

Dan wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that. Phil didn’t push the matter any further than he had earlier, allowing a comfortable silence to settle, and helping Dan to calm down as best as he could. It would have helped more if Phil had climbed off of Dan, but if Dan was being honest, he didn’t really want that either. He was far too invested in the wonderful feeling of Phil being pressed up against him in any way, regardless of how painful that made Dan’s balls as they tensed up against him in desire.

Eventually, though, Phil drew his hand free from Dan’s skull, and shifted down. Drifting a little in his half-state of unconsciousness, Dan didn’t have it in him to complain, and besides, Phil seemed to be draping himself over Dan’s back like a blanket, and _that_ was definitely nice. Phil tucked his face into Dan’s neck on the opposite side to his face, close to where his fingers had been before, hot breath fanning out against sensitive skin.

Dan felt goosebumps rise on his skin, and he sighed. He hoped Phil wasn’t planning to move, because Dan rather liked this position. Soft lips grazed against Dan’s neck, warm and a little bit wet. There was an answering twitch from Dan’s cock, and then the familiar feeling of a wet tongue sliding along his throat, and warm lips settling in to suck at Dan’s neck.

“Ph-Phil?” Dan stuttered out, starting to regain awareness. His eyes flew open in surprise, and he tried to shift under Phil, confused and a little bit nervous, but Phil kept him pinned in place with his body. His hands had shifted to slide up and down Dan’s torso on top of his shirt, just under his armpits, while his mouth began to work at a spot a few inches below Dan’s ear.

“Mm?” Phil asked, voice amused. Dan shuddered at the way the sound rumbled against his skin, and added another layer to the slow building pleasure starting to scorch its way through Dan’s veins.

“Wha-what are you doing?” Dan asked, tripping over the words as a soft moan slipped past his lips. Dan ducked his face into the bed, trying to muffle the soft sounds he was beginning to make, while Phil laughed on top of him.

“Giving you what you wanted,” Phil finally replied after another few lazy kisses had been pressed to the back of Dan’s neck. Dan shuddered at the words, groaning into Phil’s sheets, and bucking his hips down. His cock twitched in his pants, very, _very_ interested now. This was hardly fair. Phil was getting Dan worked up while his _parents_ were _downstairs_. Wasn’t he afraid they were going to hear?

Dan wasn’t exactly quiet, and besides, the _door_ was still cracked open. Phil hadn’t tried very hard to shut it when they’d walked _in_ , after all.

Regardless of this embarrassing knowledge, Phil’s lips moved from Dan’s neck and trailed up the back of his head to the space behind Dan’s ear. His breath was hot there, causing Dan to let out a surprised _whoosh_ of air, before Phil began speaking again.

“I wonder how quiet you can be, Daniel,” Phil whispered, snaking his hands under Dan’s body and pressing his fingers against his chest. At first, the movement felt aimless, but then Dan realized what Phil was looking for when his fingers passed insistently over Dan’s nipples. Dan hissed out a whimper of pleasure, body twitching against his will.

“Fuck, Phil, I don’t…” Dan shook his head. God, was he really about to argue against doing this, when it was all he’d been able to think about for _two months_? He hadn’t gotten even remotely enough intimate time with Phil, and skype sex had been completely off the table on Dan’s orders, which Phil gracefully obeyed. Now, though, _now_ Dan was terrified of the fact that Phil’s family was home.

What was the point of all of Dan’s hard work spent getting Phil’s family to like him if Phil was going to fuck Dan under the same roof as them? If Phil was going to risk them hearing exactly what Dan _and_ Phil sounded like during sex?

Yeah. No thank you.

Except - yes _please_. Dan’s body was screaming for it. He and Phil had gone another round (or two) before he’d had to leave for his train that last day when they’d had the house to themselves, but that hadn’t been _nearly_ enough to Dan’s starved body (or his mind, because let’s be real, Dan was just as much _mentally_ into this as he was _physically_ ). Saying no to finally getting what he wanted was fucking _hard_. Impossible.

“Phil, you asshole,” Dan muttered as Phil continued to press kisses against the back of his neck, his ear, the rough line of his throat where it was exposed, the sharp crevice of his shoulder… Phil’s lips were molten heat against Dan, an incredible feeling that was ultimately going to make Dan give in.

Phil chuckled, but still didn’t respond. Not verbally at least. He did, however, latch onto a spot just beneath Dan’s shirt and suck insistently. He seemed far too intent on breaking down Dan’s resolve, and if Dan was being honest with himself, Phil had already won.

Dan just didn’t want to cave that easily, so he whined a little and arched his back against Phil’s body, shrugging Phil’s mouth off his shoulder. Phil followed the movement, fingers still dancing along Dan’s torso, and reaching down to catch on the hem of his shirt. Dan’s body froze at the touch, a little surprised at how forward Phil was being, and wilted back into the bed.

“Ugh, _fuck_ , Phil, _fine_ , just… jesus fuck, _please_ ,” Dan whined, rocking his hips forward. “I’ve been waiting months for you to fuck me again, so just _get on with it_.”

“Eager, are we?” Phil asked, clearly amused, a husky laugh rasping against Dan’s skin. “I didn’t realize you wanted me so much,” he teased, licking a little stripe of Dan’s skin. “But I mean it, Dan. You’re going to have to be quiet if you want this.”

Dan nodded his head instantly, already knowing that he was going have to focus on reigning in his inability to be _silent_ in intimate moments such as these. At this point, he’d do anything to feel Phil inside of him again, and he moaned as softly as he could when Phil shifted off of him so he was sat on Dan’s thighs, rather than draped over his back.

Phil’s fingers, already grasping the hem of Dan’s shirt, yanked it upwards. Dan arched his body with it, desperate to have the restricted clothing off of him already, and shuffled his arms around so Phil could tear it off of him. It was a bit of a struggle to remove the fabric, something that made Phil laugh and Dan huff out in annoyance, but eventually it was flung off the bed and Phil had returned to leaning over Dan, fluttering kisses across his now-bare shoulder blades.

Fuck, _fuck_ , what if someone chose that moment to walk in? What were they _doing_ fucking with the door cracked open?

“Mm, how do you want it?” Phil asked, lips trailing back up to Dan’s ear so he could whisper the question there, words erasing all worries from Dan’s mind. “What did you like best last time?”

Dan’s mouth fell open at the very thought of the last few times. Phil had taken him in every position Dan had known _existed_ (and a few that Dan hadn’t), but there was one thing they hadn’t actually tried.

Despite Dan _craving_ the idea of Phil taking him rough and hard from the very beginning, discarding the gentle, perfect, in-control part of his personality and replacing it with something more akin to the passionate _flirt_ Dan knew Phil could be, they hadn’t _actually_ gone at it in anywhere close to too rough. Phil had been far too careful for that, and Dan had revealed in the affectionate touches.

Now, though… now seemed like the perfect time.

“From behind,” Dan blurted out. He was panting just at the thought of it. Phil had taken him that way before, the morning after, but that had been slow and sweet and consisted of Phil laying on top of Dan. This time, Dan wanted something different. “Doggy style,” he added, feeling a surge of heat rush through him when the words made Phil choke.

Dan hoped it was a good choke.

“I want you to fuck me hard, Phil. I want to still be able to feel you when I get home.” The words, a lot less sexy when spoken _aloud_ , were nonetheless a sentiment that Dan couldn’t help holding onto. He wanted some kind of reminder that Phil was _his_ , some kind of reminder that this had happened, and it was real.

So yeah, Dan wanted rough, and he didn’t even mind if it hurt to sit for a couple of days afterward.

Phil groaned at the words, biting down on Dan’s shoulder where his lips had moved while he’d waited for a response from Dan. His hips shifted on top of Dan a little, nudging Phil’s bulge into the cleft of Dan’s arse, and reassuring him that Phil was just as interested in that idea as Dan was.

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Phil whispered, releasing Dan’s skin and kissing over it. “Not gonna hurt you though,” Phil added, like the gentlemen he was, and leaned back up to kiss at the side of Dan’s neck. Before Dan could get too into the touch, Phil rolled off of Dan, and got off the bed entirely.

Dan turned to watch Phil move, eyes drawn to the bulge in his jeans and the fact that Phil was just as excited as Dan. The fact still managed to amaze Dan sometimes, despite the absurd amount of times they’d had sex over the course of three days _alone_ , and the skype calls where Phil admitted to being late because he’d had to take care of… _something_ in the bathroom.

His cheeks were always gloriously flushed, and his body adorably relaxed. Dan couldn’t decide if he was more jealous or happy in those moments, but he figured both was a fine middle ground.

Phil shuffled around his room, _thankfully_ finally noticing that the door was open, and closed it softly. Dan heard the distinctive sound of a lock turning, and then Phil was moving to dig around in the bottom drawer of his dresser where he’d promised to keep the lube, condoms, and latex gloves from now on. He’d claimed it was just less embarrassing to have them in the restroom than his mum finding them hidden in his bedroom, but Dan did not give a shit. They needed to be _closer_ for future events.

Such as this one.

Once the items had been retrieved, Phil returned to the bed and dropped them next to where Dan was laying. Rather than joining Dan, however, Phil started to scramble out of his clothes, messily pulling his shirt over his head before beginning to shimmy out of his jeans and pants. Despite not wanting to move, Dan rolled over to follow Phil’s movements, and attempted to drag his own jeans off of his legs.

Phil finished undressing before Dan despite the fact that Dan already wasn’t wearing a shirt, and pressed in close to kiss him, preventing Dan from getting the jeans any further down than his thighs. Phil’s lips were wet and open as he showed Dan just how excited he was. The sight of his erect cock had been proof enough, but Dan wasn’t going to complain about the kiss when it felt so good. He hadn’t gotten _nearly_ enough kisses from Phil today.

He’d arrived at noon at Manchester Piccadilly, and had spent the entire afternoon with Phil _and_ his family, so there hadn’t really been anytime for making out. Dan was definitely content to make up for lost time now.

Dan continued to fumble with his jeans, though, desperate to have them off. His body was already surging with arousal, the memory of what it felt like to be with Phil both fresh and not fresh _enough_. He was so fucking ready to feel it again, to have it ingrained in his memory. Dan hoped one day there wouldn’t be enough time between intimate moments like this for Dan to forget how good Phil felt inside of him.

As Phil kissed Dan within an inch of his life, Dan struggled with his jeans, groping unattractively under Phil. His knees flailed a little, nearly jabbing Phil in a very, _very_ sensitive place, but it only made Phil laugh and pull away. Dan’s cheeks were flushed in a combination of embarrassment and arousal, but he found himself smiling back at Phil anyway.

His boyfriend was doing that thing with his tongue where he bit down on it a little when he laughed, part of the cute little muscle sticking out the side of his mouth. It was absolutely adorable, and so fucking _human_ that it made moments like these feel so much more real. When Dan and his ex used to have sex, it had always been a bit more awkward, a bit more clumsy, and with far less humor. The goal had been nothing more than getting off. Well, or trying to at least.

Sex with Phil was fun, though, and even being nearly kneed in the balls wasn’t enough to turn Phil off.

This was how sex should be.

“Here, let me help you,” Phil insisted, crawling off of Dan and reaching for his jeans. He was far more successful at getting the skin tight fabric free from Dan’s legs, but _he_ wasn’t trying to do so while someone else kissed the life out of them. Dan chose not to comment, however, and once he was fully stripped of his clothes and completely naked, he reached for Phil once more and drew him into another kiss.

Phil’s body fit wonderfully against Dan’s. It had been nice when he’d been draped over Dan’s back earlier, and nice when he’d first climbed over Dan to kiss him, but being naked with Phil was something else entirely. The way their bodies seemed to fit was just perfection, skin on skin, and cocks rubbing against cocks. Dan’s hips undulated upwards as Phil’s rocked downwards, encouraging a little bit of frottage that they honestly never got to do nearly enough, all while Dan got his fill of Phil’s mouth.

Dan knew that once he rolled over, he wasn’t going to get to kiss Phil again for some time, so he was taking advantage of the moment. Phil wasn’t complaining, though, fingers rucking up through Dan’s hair and pulling lightly while they kissed, his bodyweight entirely rested on top of Dan so that he could touch him _everywhere_ while they kissed.

Dan’s hands scrabbled at Phil’s waist, groping his bum a little because he never got to touch Phil there enough, and skimming up to tease at his lower back and his ribcage. Phil, true to his word so long ago, was _very_ sensitive there, groaning into Dan’s neck and rocking his hips down particularly hard that time. The motion further encouraged Dan, who kept the movements of his fingers up, dancing alongside Phil’s ribs, and working him up into as much of a frenzy as Dan could manage.

His own cock was beginning to ache with arousal. The feeling of slick skin against slick skin was soon to be both too much and not enough, Dan was sure, but he thought he could put up with a bit more for the sake of staying in this moment. He quite liked how Phil felt against him, on top of him, grinding into him and shaking at the feeling of Dan’s fingers on his sides. Any chance to make Phil fall apart was a win in Dan’s book, and worth any kind of oversensitivity he might get as a result.

Besides. Even _if_ the touches to his dick became too much, both Dan and Phil knew how to take care of Dan so that he’d finish anyway. It wasn’t the issue that Dan had always worried it would be, and he was eternally grateful.

Phil started to pant against Dan’s mouth, the kisses becoming more and more sloppy as Phil’s movements became a little less coordinated. Clearly giving up on making out, Phil trailed his lips across Dan’s chin, and started to nibble at his jaw.

“Are you trying to wind me up?” he asked, voice practically a growl. Dan had to restrain himself from biting out too loud of a sound in reaction to that, and nodded his head, deliberately running his hands along Phil’s ribs again.

“Is it working?” he whispered, the sound half a gasp. Phil groaned in response, and bit down harder on Dan’s jaw line.

Dan reached up to shove his hand into his mouth, slamming his eyes shut to prevent himself from whining loudly.

God, he wasn’t used to having to be discreet during sex. It had never felt as good as it did with Phil, so Dan had never really had cause to force himself to be silent before, but now, _now_. Phil was going to _kill_ him.

Dan needed to _shut up_.

Chuckling as he noticed Dan’s move to silence himself, Phil trailed his mouth lower over Dan’s jaw, and down to his neck, where he pressed another few kisses before drawing away entirely.

Dan had to muffle a groan of protest, and stared up at Phil, wide eyed.

“Turn over,” Phil insisted. “I don’t think I can… God, Dan. I really want you.”

The words went straight to Dan’s dick. His balls curled up against him, so fucking _full_ already, and pleasure ricocheted throughout his body. Dan’s body was wracked with a full body shudder as he moved to roll over. He knew exactly what Phil had stopped himself from saying.

He couldn’t wait any longer. But neither could Dan.

Who needed foreplay when he was about to be filled with _Phil_.

Besides, wasn’t two months without _this_ kind of touch enough foreplay?

Once on his stomach, Dan shifted to get up on his hands knees. Phil reached around him to encourage Dan to rest on his elbows instead, pushing down on his low back to help get him into position, and forced Dan’s legs further apart. His touches were a little more rough than Phil usually allowed them to be (not that Dan minded), revealing just how turned on Phil currently was.

Dan hoped that meant Phil wouldn’t take it easy on him this time. Dan _really_ wanted to know what it would feel like to have Phil completely fall apart inside of him.

“Try to stay like that or you might fall. I don’t want to hurt you,” Phil insisted. His voice was gravelly with desire as he shifted behind Dan, presumably grabbing a glove and the lube. Far beyond caring about the mess it could make to have anal sex, Dan didn’t say a word of complaint, and merely waited for Phil to get started.

He could feel goosebumps of anticipation forming on his skin already. He was shivering a little, tense with desire, cock beginning to twitch angrily between his legs. It had been so long since Dan had gotten off, now… he was so fucking _ready_ for it.

Dan wondered if he’d go boneless like the first time, if his vision would black out and he’d give in to the natural desire to relax completely when his orgasm rushed over him, or if he’d muddle through it while he and Phil curled up together, mind very much so _aware_ of the feeling coursing through him.

Dan whimpered at the thought, and had to shove his face into the sheets below him to muffle the sound.

“Shh,” Phil whispered. It sounded like he was grinning, or suppressing laughter. Dan was tempted to reach behind himself and flip Phil off.

But he wasn’t supposed to move. He was supposed to stay just like this… God, the thought of obeying Phil’s every order was hot. Maybe they should try _that_ out sometime. Right now, though, Dan needed to focus on relaxing his body some, because he could hear the telltale sounds of Phil slicking up his fingers, and Dan was _not_ in the mood for the prep to take all night.

One of Phil’s hands found Dan’s hip, nudging into the cleft and holding on tight, while his thumb reached down to spread Dan’s arse cheek and expose him to Phil’s sight, which always made Dan’s cheeks pink. It just seemed so… _intimate_.

Slowly, Phil began to circle a finger around Dan’s rim, and leaned in close to press a litter of kisses against the small of Dan’s back.

“Relax, sweetheart,” he whispered, “I’ve got you.”

The words sent a spark of affection and lust straight through Dan, who did his best to calm his body down enough to accept Phil’s finger. Dan wanted this so badly, however, it was difficult to do at first, and he ended up having to take a few deep breaths to untense his body. Phil waited patiently all the while, unwilling to press forward until he knew that Dan was comfortable.

Phil seemed to know Dan’s body pretty well though - or maybe he could just _feel_ it - as the moment Dan relaxed, Phil pressed one finger inside, and began to stretch Dan open.

The feeling of Phil’s finger inside of Dan was never going to get old. Dan shoved his face into Phil’s bed at the first nudge of it against his walls, pleasure spiking through him faster and faster each time they did this. It was like Dan’s body knew what was coming and didn’t care to work itself up anymore, sending Dan head first into bliss before they’d even properly gotten started.

It made prepping him easier, though. Dan was coming to learn that the more they did this, the easier it would get, and the more _frequently_ , the less tight Dan’s body would be. Overtime, it would start to tighten back up, but that was fine, because it wasn’t difficult to get it used to the feeling again. Dan had learned they would _always_ need lube, though, and that condoms were the easiest source of clean up, even if bareback did sound good. Maybe someday.

Sinking into the feeling of Phil stretching him open, Dan did his best to muffle his sounds into Phil’s bed covers. He was still loud to his own ears, though, and a few times even heard Phil chuckle and shush him from behind, working diligently to prepare Dan for his cock. Dan felt kind of bad for being so loud, but it was hardly _his_ fault.

Phil was the one who’d shown Dan what real pleasure could feel like.

As Phil moved to shift a second finger inside of Dan, and begin to press deeper inside, looking for that special spot inside of Dan, Dan started to grind his hips backwards. From this position, on his hands and knees, it was easier than ever before, and Dan moaned loudly into the bed.

“Dan!” Phil reprimanded, “You have to be quiet, baby. Come on, we don’t want my parents to hear you, right?” he added, partially teasing.

Dan gurgled in response, eyes rolling to the back of his head at the feeling of Phil inside of him. It was just so fucking good, and he _knew_ he needed to shut _the_ _fuck_ up, but it was hard. It had been so long since Dan had gotten to feel this, and it was so much better than he’d remembered, so much better than his own awkward exploration when he’d tried the toy on himself. It sent intense waves of gratification up and down Dan’s body, making his cock ache as it hung between his legs, unable to even get any satisfaction by rubbing against the fabric of Phil’s sheets.

It was for the best. Dan could feel himself starting to dribble precum, leaking onto the covers beneath him, and he really didn’t want to get over sensitive before Phil had even had a chance to fuck him like he’d promised.

Forehead beaded with sweat, hair probably a fucking mess, Dan nonetheless ground his hips backwards harder still. Dan wondered for a moment how he looked to Phil, if Phil was staring at him with lust filled eyes, or if he was humping the air unconsciously with the desire to be inside of Dan.

The thought sent another wave of arousal through Dan’s veins, and he did his best to muffle a grandiose moan into the sheets.

“Holy fuck, Dan, I haven’t even found your prostate yet,” Phil grunted. His lips, which had left Dan’s body to focus on the task at hand, returned, biting down on the little dip in Dan’s back, and sucking a mark there. Phil’s mouth was harsh and wet, and it was obvious he was beside himself with desire for Dan. The thought made Dan moan again, shoving himself backwards even harder on Phl’s fingers.

Finally, the pads rubbed against Dan’s prostate, waking the nerves up, and causing Dan to dig his nails so hard into Phil’s bedsheets he thought he was going to tear them. It took monumental effort it took to stay noiseless .

“That’s it,” Phil whispered, “That’s it, baby. Fuck yourself on me,” he gasped, still mouthing along Dan’s back, lips trailing up further, and then back down, until he was back where he’d started, nibbling on the same bit of skin he’d first marked. Dan imagined it would be a horrible, wonderful purple by the time they were finished tonight, but he didn’t care. It just meant Dan would go home with a reminder of Phil seared into his skin. He’d have to make sure his shirt didn’t ride up in front of Phil’s family, though.

The words, though, the words were… a lot. Phil hadn’t tried to hard to talk dirty to Dan since they’d messed around on Skype, always seeming either too overwhelmed or too in control to say much to Dan. Now, though, it was like that guy Dan had thought was a fucking sex god was back, and it was beyond seductive. Phil was fucking _hot_ , provocative not just in his movements, and his touch, but in his words, too, and Dan didn’t know how he’d gotten so lucky.

Now that Phil had found his prostate, he didn’t seem inclined to move away from it. He quirked his fingers to rub roughly against the bundle of nerves, pressing deeper and deeper inside of Dan still, all while Dan did his best to keep up the rocking motion of hips and keep the satisfying feeling of fucking Phil’s fingers surging through him. His eyes were closed, breathing a goddamn wreck as he panted into Phil’s bedsheets, a constant stream of nonsense falling from his lips.

Phil wasn’t shushing him this time, so Dan assumed he was doing a pretty good job of keeping hushed.

Phil finger fucking him seemed to last forever. For a moment, Dan was so lost to the sensation that he was starting to wonder if he wasn’t going to get that prostate massage after all, but eventually, Phil pulled his fingers free, much to the displeasure of Dan, and rolled the glove off his hand.

The sound of a condom wrapper opening, followed by the bottle of lube, sent another shiver of desire up Dan’s spine.

He wondered if Phil’s hands were shaking, and groaned into the bed.

“Fuck. You’re such a fucking cockslut, Dan,” Phil rasped, voice fucking _wrecked_. “So fucking ready for me, aren’t you? Can’t fucking _wait_ ,” he added, gasping the words out as his hand slipped over his dick. Dan could hear the wet sounds of Phil jerking himself off, and whined as he shoved his face further into the bed, and thrusted his arse backwards in an attempt to entice Phil.

Clearly it worked.

Phil let out a growl at the sight, and finally reached for Dan again. One hand found Dan’s ribs, holding him still, as Phil’s cock head nudged at Dan’s rim, already beginning to spread it open lightly. Dan shuddered at the sensation, fucking gagging for it. Phil felt so good against him. He wasn’t lying against Dan the way he’d laid on him the last time they’d fucked in a similar position, but he seemed to be standing on his knees, ready to fuck into Dan the way Dan had seen pornstars do it. Dan couldn’t deny that the mental image sent another shock of desire through him that nearly caused him to throw his head back, but he forced it to stay planted firmly against Phil’s bed lest he scream out Phil’s name.

“God, you look good like this,” Phil gasped, rocking against Dan, but not quite pushing in just yet. “Wish you could see yourself…” Phil let out a soft grunting noise that bordered on a moan, a sound of which Dan treasured. He felt his mouth loll open, and felt himself beginning to drool, but there was really no stopping it at that point.

Phil had completely and utterly destroyed Dan, and he hadn’t even pressed inside of him yet.

“Actually fucking you is so much better than watching myself fuck you,” Phil admitted, and finally started to press inside of Dan. The combination of words, the confession that Phil still watched their inadvertent sex type, and the sensation of Phil stretching Dan open with his cock, forced another lewd noise out of Dan that Phil had to shush. Dan couldn’t seem to help it, though. He had next to no control over the volume of his voice at this point, let alone whatever came out of it, and it was, when it came right down to it, Phil’s. Fucking. Fault.

Dan wasn’t going to say that, though, because that would mean Phil not fucking him, and hell if they were going to get this far without the main event.

Just as slowly as ever, Phil pushed inside of Dan, rocking his hips gently and trying his best not to hurt him. Over the sound of Dan’s own loud breathing, he thought he could hear Phil grunting, holding his breath and gritting his teeth as he fought to maintain control. As much as Dan appreciated it, he couldn’t wait for Phil to let go in a moment.

He hoped to god that Phil would _let go_.

Each slow push of Phil’s cock into Dan was near torture. The sparks of pleasure were amazing, but Dan knew they could be _so much better_ , and he wanted to get to the part where Phil fucked him already. At the same time, everything felt so good that Dan couldn’t, in his right mind, complain. He just wanted to live in this moment forever.

He couldn’t believe he’d missed out on this for _two fucking months_. How dare the universe keep this from him? Didn’t it know how wonderful this felt? Clearly not.

By the time Phil stopped moving, hips flush with Dan’s arse, Dan was already a little bit out of his mind, and completely out of breath. Phil’s hands had both moved to grip tight to Dan’s hips, the touch much rougher than it had ever been before. Phil’s breathing was uneven and far breathier than normal, hinting that Phil was losing it too, and Dan could feel the edges of his vision beginning to blur, even in the darkness of the covers where he’d pressed his face.

The world was shaking, just a little bit. Or was that Dan?

“God, Dan,” Phil groaned. His vocabulary seemed to be reduced to nothing more than that. He ended up grunting out another sound, but no words formed, and Phil’s hips jerked a little, but remained mostly in place.

Why wasn’t Phil _fucking him yet?_

Dan shoved his arse backwards, reveling in the way it made Phil whimper, and did it again, and again, and again, because he was _sick_ of waiting.

Phil leaned over Dan’s body and nipped his shoulder.

“Gonna fuck you,” Phil grunted.

When he pulled back, Dan couldn’t help whimpering in protest. He liked how it felt to have Phil towering over him, covering Dan’s body with his own. All thought of protest fled his mind, however, when Phil started to _move_.

Phil’s hips jerked back, a little uncontrolled, and then shoved back in, the pace unexpected and rather sudden, even for Dan. It wasn’t _bad_ though. No, far from it. It was fucking _sexy_ , and Dan had to muffle his cries of pleasure into Phil’s bedsheets as Phil set a brutal pace.

The sound of their skin slapping together echoed in the little room. Dan wondered if it was _this loud_ anywhere else, but couldn’t focus long enough to worry, because Phil was giving Dan exactly what he’d wanted. He wasn’t taking it easy, he wasn’t taking it slow. This was raw, and desperate, and _good_. So fucking good.

Everything with Phil was good.

Dan wanted to fucking worship him.

Tears sprang to Dan’s eyes as pleasure coursed through him, building faster and faster with each passing moment. The feeling was different from when Phil had fucked him more calmly the last few times, far more in control then than he was now, but it wasn’t necessarily a better different. It was just different. In the same way Phil fucking him had felt different to Dan fucking his ex-girlfriend, in terms of the way the pleasure built inside of him, Phil fucking Dan like _this_ felt different.

Just as good, but far more unexpected.

Dan didn’t know _what_ was going to happen. All he knew was that Phil better not run out of energy before he’d fucked Dan to orgasm, or Dan thought he might strangle him (later, when Dan was a bit more sound of mind, he’d take that back, because he knew that Dan was much harder to please as a lover than most others, but in that moment, Dan didn’t give a damn).

Phil’s thrusts seemed to speed up as the moments slipped by, his hips slamming faster and faster into Dan’s, cock brushing against Dan’s inner walls with increasing tension. He hadn’t quite found Dan’s prostate yet, which was a bit frustrating, so Dan started to shift his hips around in the hope that he could help Phil find it.

Phil didn’t protest. He tightened his fingers around Dan’s hips, but let him move as he would. Phil was gasping, hands sweaty, and movements a little less coordinated than Dan was used to. The rhythm was off, especially when Dan seemed to get a hold of himself enough to start fucking Phil back, mostly just stuttery and overall messy.

It didn’t matter, though. It only seemed to add to the moment for Dan. Phil’s balls were slapping against him, and Phil had completely lost control. It was a side of Phil that Dan wanted to see more of in the future, even though he did love the affectionate, sweet Phil that he was starting to see more and more of these days as well. He loved that side of Phil dearly. In terms of sex, though, Dan wanted to see every version of Phil he could get.

Finally, Dan seemed to shift into just the right position, and Phil’s dick started to rub against his prostate with every thrust. The feeling increased Dan’s pleasure tenfold, and he practically howled into Phil’s bedsheets, preventing the sound from traveling by biting down hard on his bottom lip, and shoving his face so roughly into the bed that he nearly stopped his own breathing. Phil let out a whimpery little gasping sound in reaction, making it clear that he’d heard Dan’s noise, and began to fuck him harder, holding Dan tightly in place so Phil drove his cock into the same spot over and over and over.

Phil’s fingers started to spasm on Dan’s hips as his orgasm neared. It was a tell Dan was becoming familiar with, and one that made his heart swoop with disappointment. Phil, who’d been holding himself up on his knees, collapsed onto Dan’s back, shifting so that his hips were more angled, brushing against his prostate instead of hitting it, so that Phil could hold himself up a little while he fucked into Dan. Dan didn’t complain, so long as Phil didn’t stop fucking him.

He knew that was going to become a problem soon, though. Phil’s thrusts had become completely uncoordinated, and so sloppy that he was pressed inside of Dan more often then he was out. That building pressure in Dan’s abdomen was still building, faster than ever before, and yet not peaking like Dan had thought it would. It just kept going, burning like molten heat in his stomach and making Dan feel so close to oversensitive but not _quite_. Instead, he just felt overwhelmed with the desire to touch himself.

He didn’t, though. He wanted to hold onto this moment, wanted to come untouched like he had every other time with Phil, wanted to keep himself from tipping over into that horrible place where the orgasm ebbed away forcefully, suddenly, and left Dan feeling raw to the bone. He wanted the feeling to keep building, and he wanted to tumble over the otherside with no further help.

Phil moaned against Dan’s neck.

“Can-Can’t Dan, I’m gonna…”

Dan whined, upset at the words. Phil had held out so well for him the last few times. Dan didn’t want Phil to come before him, didn’t want Phil to stop fucking him, and yet at the same time, Dan knew it was inevitable. He shoved his face into the covers, and relaxed further, nodding his head as best as he could to let Phil know it was okay.

Phil groaned in relief, and started to fuck Dan harder, grinding his hips into Dan’s, and letting himself become even more uncontrolled. His dick pressed deeper and deeper into Dan, and as Phil refused to pull back and thrust properly anymore, Dan knew Phil’s orgasm was coming.

When it washed over him, Phil bit down on Dan’s shoulder with an almost-too-loud moan that Dan would never tire of hearing, and slumped on top of Dan.

Dan, for his part, collapsed onto the bed, disappointed. He hadn’t even known if he was close, but he hadn’t wanted to _stop_ , and -

“Get on top of me,” Phil insisted, breathless. Dan felt his body shake as he tried to roll off of Dan, gasping as he managed it and collapsed on the bed next to him. “Dan - fucking - _ride me_!”

Cock throbbing between his legs, Dan did his best to scramble on top of Phil and do as he’d been told, the idea growing inside of Dan and making his cock twitch between this legs. His thighs shook and he nearly fell on top of Phil in his rush to mount him, but Dan was too fucking gone to care. He didn’t look back, he merely reached behind himself blindly and wrapped his fingers around the latex covered cock, and did his best to ignore what the condom most likely had on it.

Now was not the time to worry about that. Now was the time to find release.

Shifting his hips backwards, and trying to find the right position without Phil’s help, Dan did his best to nudge Phil’s cock back inside of him. It took a lot more work than Dan would have liked it to have, but Phil was completely out of it below him, eyes closed, fringe pushed back in a quiff, face red and covered in sweat.

Dan couldn’t expect anything from Phil post orgasm like that.

But he was definitely going to ride Phil to his own orgasm.

Finally managing to get the angle right, Dan shifted his hips down, and groaned as Phils cock filled him. Hands now officially unsanitary, even after wiping them on the covers, Dan bit down hard on his bottom lip to maintain his noises, and started to ride Phil in earnest, bracing himself with both palms pressed firmly to Phil’s thighs.

The sounds Phil made in response were…. tantalizing. The seemingly unconscious, breathy little whimpers shook Dan to his core as he fucked himself down on Phil’s cock, riding him as best as he could when his thighs were twitching and his body was clenching down, ready to come. His orgasm was right there, right _there_ , Dan was sure of it, he just couldn’t quite find it.

Dan couldn’t believe Phil was allowing Dan to ride him like this. Dan couldn’t even begin to imagine how overstimulated Phil must be. He’d just _come_ , and with every little whimper Dan became more and more aware of what Phil was giving Dan in order for _Dan_ to come. He couldn’t be any more grateful.

Dan’s prostate was hiding from him, making reaching oragasm even harder. Dan didn’t have it in him to go on a proper search, though, so he merely fucked himself on Phil, and let it all happen. His hands landed on the bed on either side of Phil’s body as Dan pitched forward, angling his body more to take more of Phil’s dick, and really got himself going. Dan could hear the slick slide of Phil in and out of him, could feel the way his body was gaping around Phil, and it was good, it was _so good_.

Dan just wanted to come. He never wanted this feeling to end but at the same time he wanted that release, that feeling of euphoria exploding through his veins, that wonderful sensation of an ending that made his toes curl and his breath catch in his throat.

He just needed a little more. A little more, fuck, please, _please_.

Dan bit so hard on his bottom lip that he started to bleed. He could taste it. But it was the only way to keep himself muffled without shoving a dirty hand into his mouth, and even if Dan was half out of his mind with pleasure, there was no way he was doing that.

Phil would just have to kiss it better later.

Heat coiled tighter and tighter inside of Dan, buliding beyond a place Dan thought it could build. His cock was weeping between his legs, desperate to come, and Dan couldn’t blame it. He was desperate too. He wanted nothing more than release, but it was so fucking hard.

Dan would have felt bad for Phil if he weren’t so busy feeling bad for himself.

And then it happened. Dan shoved his hips backwards onto Phil’s cock, and consequently struck his prostate dead on. His eyes flew open as he gasped, the sound next to breathless, and empty.

Dan felt his vision start to blur, and his head go light and dizzy, that familiar tug in his abdomen pulling tight, as release washed over him. The feeling was like a punch in the stomach, pulling Dan under before he could properly see it coming. His dick twitched and spurted as he came all over Phil’s stomach and chest, his body melting as heat surged through his veins.

Dan groaned, releasing his bottom lip, as he pitched forward on top of Phil, and rode his arse backwards to work himself through his orgasm. He could feel his thigh muscles tightening up and beginning to cramp, but even that was adding to the sensation of pleasure coursing through Dan’s body, making the high that much better, as Dan panted against Phil’s neck. His toes curled as he fucked himself down one last time, forcing Phil to bury his cock deep, and relaxed, breathless, on top of his boyfriend.

Everything about the orgasm was better than Dan had remembered, everything about Phil’s body pressed tight to his, and his cock buried deep, was better than the last time. God, had Dan missed this. Dan never wanted to let this go, never wanted to pull away from Phil or go another day without him.

But he knew he would have to. At least for a little while longer.

If Phil’s words could be believed, then one day, they’d live together and never have to leave each other’s sides again.

Below him, Phil let out a huge sigh as he reached up to wrap his arms around Dan’s body, dragging him in closer still.

“Fuck,” he croaked out.

Dan laughed, the sound giddy and out of it, as he pressed a kiss to whatever part of Phil he was currently laying on top of.

“Fuck, indeed,” Dan agreed. He tucked his face against the crook of Phil’s neck, and kissed his neck lazily. “God, Phil, that was hot.”

Phil hummed, turning his head to drop a kiss on top of Dan’s head. “Not as hot as you are.”

Dan rolled his eyes. Phil was chuckling softly at his own lame joke, and Dan was grinning, because Phil… Phil was something special. He made sex feel like something they could joke about, and something they could relax from in each others arms without any awkward worries or conversations afterwards.

Then Dan remembered the state of his hands, and the fact that he’d wiped them all over Phil’s bed, and he giggled.

“Wait until you see the mess we’ve made.”

Phil groaned, but his arms tightened around Dan’s body, so he figured Phil didn’t really mind. Dan allowed himself to snuggle further down against Phil’s chest, but he did his best to refrain from touching Phil with his dirty hands.

They were really going to need a shower in a second.

Before Dan could so much as fully process that thought, a knock came at Phil’s bedroom door. Phil tensed underneath Dan, and Dan felt his heart stop dead in his chest.

This was it. This was the moment. Phil’s parents had heard, and Dan and Phil were _fucked_. Dan sucked in a terrified breath, convinced Mrs. Lester was going to ask to see them downstairs, and then Dan was going to be sent on his merry way, home far earlier than Dan had wanted.

Had the sex been worth their time being cut short?

Now was not that time for Dan to ask himself that.

“Hey loverboy, dinner’s ready. Hurry up and get cleaned up before you come down. You’re lucky mum sent me up rather than coming herself, and you’re lucky I’m used to hearing you with your paramours or I’d be far less inclined to knock on your door before mum came looking herself. Glad this one’s at least staying.”

It took a moment for the realization that it was _Martyn_ at the door to sink in, and even longer for Dan to understand what he’d actually said, but once he did, he found himself melting instantly on top of Phil. Phil groaned, his neck turning a deep shade of red, as he, too, let Martyn’s words sink in.

“We’ll be out in a sec!” Phil shouted back, voice high pitched with embarrassment. He didn’t acknowledge anything else that Martyn had said, but Martyn didn’t call him out for it. Instead, he laughed, the sound fading away as he very clearly retreated back downstairs.

Dan, high on the fact that they’d _hopefully_ gotten away with the events of the evening, just snuggled further into Phil, and laughed, because the entire moment just felt so fucking _surreal_.

“So… you brought a lot of boys home, then?”

Phil groaned again, and shoved Dan off of him, face and neck such a dark shade of red that Dan _almost_ felt bad for teasing him.

_Almost._

“What, your family all seem to be pretty happy I’m not just another one night stand,” Dan taunted, though there was a part of him that was overjoyed with that fact too.

“Dan!” Phil reprimanded, turning to frown at him, despite the fact that he looked embarrassed as fuck. “I - just - don’t _mention that_!”

Rather than agreeing, Dan just laughed.

Like hell was he giving up that kind of fodder for the future. Dan was going to hold that one over Phil’s head for the rest of his life. Dan arched his neck, and pressed a soft kiss to Phil’s lips, giggling against his mouth, and wishing they could just stay here.

But they had a dinner to attend, and some clean up to take care of before they went down. Besides, Dan really, really needed to get himself back on Phil’s parents’ good side, because he had a terrible feeling they hadn’t managed to be quiet _at all_.


End file.
